


Be with you

by JustAnotherSamlicker



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College, Coming Out, Dean is overprotective, Drunk Kisses, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, F/F, Fluff, Gabriel whump, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Isolation, It gets pretty dark, Kinda, M/M, Pokernight, Referenced Emotional Abuse, Sabriel - Freeform, Sam doesn't want to be Dean, Whump, mention of suicide, rewritten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-03-19 09:30:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 51,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13701708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherSamlicker/pseuds/JustAnotherSamlicker
Summary: Sam thinks he can do the 'no stings attached' thing.Gabriel thinks he's to broken to be loved.They are both wrong.-----Cas and Dean have been dating for a few months when Cas decides to bring his brother to one of their pokernights. When he decides to take a chance on the completely straight Sam, Dean gets protective, Sam gets confused and Cas gets defensiveThough Gabriel and Sam both try to deny their feelings it everyone else seem to think there is something there. But is their love worth dealing with all the pain it brings them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old story I've written in 2014. It was riddled with errors but I always kept loving the story myself. I decided to rewrite it chapter by chapter and to hopefully finally finish it.  
> If you still find some writing errors please tell me in the comments!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/156371872@N07/41193176601/in/dateposted-public/)

Sam and Dean had a good thing going. They shared a two bedroom appartement, worked at Bobby’s garage all week, Dean worked on the cars and Sam mostly did the books, but helped with repairs whenever it was needed. They held a pokernight every Thursday with Cas and Charlie where both would stay the night. Now that Dean and Cas had gotten together Cas stayed over most nights.  
Sam was fine with how things were and the only change he could forsee was him moving to Stanford if he got accepted. For the rest, he expected nothing but the steady constance of their lifes. No big changes at least. That’s why he didn’t think much of it when Castiel decided to bring one of his brothers to one of their poker nights.  
The night started as it always did, with a few rounds of poker mostly won by Dean. After that their ritual dirking game set in. It had started over a year ago, as a joke, but was now a Thursday-night tradition; betting on each others’ behaviours and having to drink if they were wrong.  
When Charlie went to the bathroom Dean grinned and turned to Cas. “Wanna bet Charlie will start singing before she gets back?” Cas smiled. "Okay." He agreed, faking annoyance when he heard a high pitched Oohoohoooh coming from the bathroom as Charlie sang ‘walking on sunshine’ while peeing. Dean grinned as Cas instinctively emptied the bottle of beer he was drinking. Dean smiled and finished of his own bottle with a last gulp while Charlie came back. "Anyone?" Dean asked motioning at his empty beer bottle while he stood up. The others all nodded.  
“I bet Dean returns from getting beer with food.” Charlie announced. Sam rolled his eyes. "That's unfair... But fine..." Sam and Charlie were both surprised Dean was just holding three beers and hadn’t brought something to snack on as well. Instead of joining the others by the poker table, Dean sat down on the couch of the sitting area, with all of them getting up and following his lead. Charlie took the lounge chair as Dean and Cas shared the loveseat across from it, which left the large couch to Sam and Gabriel.

After some time of small talk Charlie grinned as she noticed something in the way Gabriel, who was more of a lightweight than she had expected, looked at Sam. “Sam..." Charlie looked at him devilishly and he raised an eyebrow. "I bet you won't kiss anyone here.” She raised her eyebrows back at him in response and glanced over at Gabriel, who sat up straight at this particular bet.  
Sam was getting tipsy, but he was far to sober to kiss the almost stranger next to him. He laughed and shook his head. "I'm not g-" His sentence was cut off as Gabriel spoke up. “I'll bet he will.” Gabriel said before turning to Sam, catching him in a surprise kiss.  
Gabriel had expected to just peck his lips but as soon as his lips touched Sam’s, Sam opened his mouth slightly, putting his hand on Gabriel’s cheek and pulling him in. Sam seemed just drunk enough to lose control and go with it, stroking Gabriel's tongue with his own and cupping his cheek. Dean started laughing out of surprise and shock. “Suck it Charlie, drink up!” He told her, making sure to keep his eyes on Charlie instead of on the now heated kiss between Gabriel and his little brother. Charlie, however, kept her eyes on the two as she reached for her glass. This wasn’t exactly what she had expected to happen, but she couldn't say she wasn't glad it turned out so interesting. Sam was such a goody two shoes, a bit of meaningless drunk fun might be just what he needed, she figured.

By the time Charlie had finished her beer, Gabriel was on top of Sam’s lap, still kissing him.  
Dean who had been laughing at the start started to get bothered by how the spectacle continued. “Sammy...?!” He said, kind of shocked as his brother pulled Gabriel even closer, weaving his fingers through his hair. It wasn’t like Sam to be this openly intimate, and he never knew Sam was interested in guys as well. But it was more than just that, because it wasn't just any guy Sam was so publicly making out with, it was Dean’s boyfriend’s brother. Sam pulled back when Dean called his name. He was a little surprised as he looked around the room and noticed all eyes were on them. It felt like they had been off in their own little world when he was kissing Gabe and like Sam had only just realized they weren’t alone. A silence fell as everyone waited for somebody to say something. Sam’s hand slowly slid out of Gabriel’s now ruffled up hair, but he kept his other hand on Gabriel’s side. Gabriel stayed seated on Sam’s lap. The hand in Sam’s hair fell to his shoulder instead but lingered there.  
Dean looked at them confused and worried. Sam had never shown any interest in guys and the first time he did, it was Gabriel. A great guy over all, but as far as Dean could gather from the stories Cas had told, not boyfriend material at all.  
The silence still hung heavy and Sam and Gabriel started disappearing into their own little world again as they stared into each others’ eyes. Dean decided to break the silence and get them back to planet earth before this night would turn into even more of a probable heartbreak for Sam.  
“Gabriel could you get off my baby brother?” He asked, trying to make it come across like a joke. “I don't want to become his brother in law as well if that’s okay by you?” He laughed, pleased with his own choice words. Gabriel turned to look at Dean with a smirk, not moving from Sam’s lap. He turned back to peck Sam’s lips again before shrugging. “Blame Charlie.” He simply stated as he turned around facing the room again, still on Sam's lap. Sam, who seemed content by that, put his arms around Gabriel, glancing over at Dean to see his reaction. He was sober enough to notice what he did but drunk enough not to care.  
They stayed like that for the remainder of the night. Charlie seemed to be quite pleased with how the night turned out, and the way Dean was pouting was a hilarious bonus to getting Sam some action.  
“You’re like a couple.” She said happily as she looked at Sam, curious to see his response. “We’re not.” Sam argued, seeming a bit confused himself as he loosened his grip on Gabriel, who turned his head to look at him disappointed. “Dean doesn't want to be my brother in law.” He explained as if not to hurt the other. “Besides,” He continued. “I barely know Gabe. I just know he’s fun” He concluded, then smiled and held him closer again. “Maybe later.” He muttered thoughtfully, more to himself then to anyone else.  
“So maybe?” Charlie asked, amused by how openly Sam would share his thoughts after a few well-deserved beers. Gabriel smiled at that as well. “This seems like the Novak fan club with you three here.” He grinned.  
“Those two you mean...?” Charlie asked nervously, realizing all of them looked at her knowingly. “Right…” Gabriel said quickly, though a smirk appeared on his face. Sam just smiled happily at her. Dean snorted, almost waking up Cas who had fallen asleep against his shoulder. “You don't remember your confession from last week, do you?”  
“No. What did I say?” She asked slightly worried.  
Dean put up a high voice to impersonate her. “Oh my god... Me and Anna are dating but shh...!” Dean acted out overly dramatic.  
Charlie blushed but laughed it off. Then she pointed an accusing finger at Gabriel. “Then how do you know?” She asked him, earning her a soft smile. “She told me and Cas about the two of you.” Gabriel explained. “She really likes you, she just needed someone to talk to about that, since she can hardly go up to Michael and tell him.”  
Dean smiled as Charlie’s smile broadened when Gabe said Anna talked about her. “Don't worry, your secret is safe with us as well.” He assured Charlie. “You told us Anna had a hard time coming out.” Dean looked down at Cas fondly, remembering how hard it had been for him when he came out.  
He pushed a few strands of hair out of Cas’s face. “I think we're gonna go to bed.” He said as he combed his fingers through Cas’s hair lovingly to wake him up so he could go to Dean's room. They wished the others a good night before leaving. When Cas and Dean had left the room, Charlie smiled at the pair on the couch. She clapped in her hands happily. “Still comfortable all lovey dovey there?” She teased. Sam exhaled loudly. “Stop setting me up. It’s not working.” He argued but put his chin on Gabriel’s shoulder. Charlie just grinned and raised her eyebrows.  
Sam yawned as he kept comfortably leaning on Gabriel’s shoulder. “I should go to bed.” Sam said, almost disappointed as Gabriel moved away at that statement and climbed off of his lap. He reached out his hand to help Sam get up and Sam gladly took it “Yeah we should.” Gabriel agreed, not letting go of the hand. Charlie just smirked as the two left the room together.  
Sam walked up to his bedroom, followed by Gabriel. When he closed the bedroom door behind them he looked at Gabriel a bit unsure. He could feel something inside him trying to hold him back at every move he made. The voice inside him telling him to stop as he stepped closer to Gabriel. But he didn’t want to stop as Gabriel pulled at his shirt and threw it to the side as soon as he had succeeded taking it off. Sam swallowed deeply as Gabriel stepped back, just looking at the bare-chested Sam. Sam then continued undressing in himself in silence until he was in only his boxers, letting Gabriel gawk at his body.  
Gabriel stepped closer again, speaking for the first time since they entered the room. “I thought I felt some muscles there...” He smirked before moving even closer, kissing Sam softly. Sam kissed him back, trying to stop rationalizing what was going on between him and this person, this man, he only just met.  
Gabriel tugged his own shirt off and Sam was the one staring now. Gabriel looked gorgeous in the confident pose he took on. When Gabe noticed just how enthralled Sam was he raised his eyebrows teasingly and unbuttoned his pants, locking eyes with Sam as he slid them off slowly. He took Sam’s hand, guiding them to the single bed before crawling into it with Sam following him. Gabriel smiled as Sam’s body heat radiated him. He placed a small kiss on his chest before resting his head on it like it was his pillow. “I had fun tonight.” He muttered softly as he used his finger to draw vague shapes on Sam’s skin, leaving it tingling. Sam kissed the top of Gabriel’s head with a small smile playing on his lips. “Me too.” He admitted happily. 


	2. Chapter 2

When Sam woke up the next morning he felt a weight trapping him. Before he even opened his eyes properly he remembered what had happened the night before.   
Gabriel. He remembered Charlie the bet. But most of all he remembered how Gabriel had kissed him and how that had made him feel. He realized his alarm was still going of suddenly and reached out carefully to turn the alarm off, not wanting to wake up Gabriel. Who, to Sam’s surprise, still seemed fast asleep, not bothered by the alarm at all.  
Sam slowly untangled himself. He had one arm free and one wrapped around Gabriel who was holding him with both arms. At the end he had succeeded to get out of the bed without waking him.  
Sam looked at Gabriel as he got dressed. He decided to just pretend it wasn’t a big deal and started his regular Friday morning routine. A quick breakfast before going out for a run.   
What he usually loved about his morning run was how much it cleared his mind. That day however, clearing his mind hadn't been the best plan. He couldn’t help but think about the man currently still asleep in his bed. He wondered if Dean had felt as confused and unsure when he started falling for Cas. Thinking about Dean made him think of another issue regarding Gabriel. After everything that had happened the night before, he wasn’t sure if he could still say he was straight, or whether this meant he should label himself bisexual, like Dean. In all fairness he wasn’t sure if he was even attracted to Gabriel or whether he had just been too drunk to care.   
When Sam returned from his run Charlie was just getting up from the couch. “Morning.” Sam greeted her, ignoring the eyebrow wriggle Charlie gave him and the knowing smirk on her lips.  
Charlie grinned. “Good morning…” She said with a teasing tone to her voice. Sam just smiled and walked off to the kitchen, not ready to deal with her questions just yet. Charlie followed him to the kitchen, unsatisfied with his lack of response. “So” She startedas she leaned against the doorpost. “How was it?”  
Sam knew he could no longer pretend Charlie didn’t mean him and Gabriel. Instead he looked at her and in a serious tone. “Nothing happened.” He responded, hoping it would end the conversation, but knowing it wouldn’t.  
Charlie snorted. “Sure, it didn't… That must be why he went to your room…” She smirked, walking up to him to elbow his ribs softly.  
Sam tried not to blush but could feel his cheeks getting hotter “We just… Fell asleep in the same bed, nothing more.” He confessed in a quite murmur.  
Charlie watched Sam closely, waiting for him to share more. When he didn’t she shrugged and put a hand on his shoulder. “Too bad Sammy. But don’t worry, there's always next week...” She was glad Sam could laugh about it as he removed her ‘comforting’ hand from his shoulder. “Shut up Charlie.” He said with a smile. “I’m going to shower and leave, do me a favour and don’t be all Charlie-ish about it to him, he really didn’t seem to like it yesterday.”

 

When Sam entered his bedroom again to grab his regular clothes he tried not to pay attention to the man in his bed. He barely looked at Gabriel, not allowing himself to think about the night before at all. After a quick shower and a few more minutes of banter with Charlie Sam left the apartment to cycle to Bobby’s. He sighed as his iPod started playing 'First time ever I saw your face' It was such a cliché at that moment, but he decided to keep it on. It wasn’t like he had already decided whether he liked Gabriel, it was just something they had done once.   
Sam kept changing his opinion on Gabriel every time he allowed himself to think back to that night. He knew it was useless to go over it the whole time, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what this meant for who he was.   
Went he got to Bobby’s garage he went straight to Bobby’s office. Bobby gave him a smile as Sam sat down and took out his laptop while whishing Bobby a good morning. Bobby nodded as Sam was setting up. “Hey son, how are you?” He asked, trying to catch Sam’s eyes. Sam smiled up at him, still slightly distracted by his thoughts running wild. “I'm fine Bobby, what about you?” Bobby smiled back. “Everything’s okay, as long as I don't have to call that idjit brother of yours out of bed today.” He said, though they both knew Cas would make sure Dean would leave on time, no matter how badly Dean would want to sleep in. “Or if he comes in hung over like last week.” Bobby continued, that option being more likely. Sam gave him a distracted laugh and a nod as he opened the documents he needed on his laptop. Bobby looked at him curiously. “How about you? You look like you have had quite the evening yourself.” He grinned. “Thought you didn't do hang overs.” He commented, making Sam blush. “I don't.” He told him, wondering how badly his emotions showed if a few words were all it took to make Bobby notice. “I’m just a bit lost in thought I guess.” He told him, hoping the answer sufficed.   
“Just don't mess up here.” Bobby grinned. Sam smiled back. “Uh. Yeah sure Bobby.” Sam said, waving the conversation away as he started typing. Bobby looked at him a bit unsure. “Sam...?” Bobby asked, seriously all of a sudden. “Are you okay?” He watched the boy closely, the worry apparent on his face “Yeah.” Sam smiled. “Nothing to worry about.”  
\------  
Cas woke up around ten. As he got out of bed he made sure not to wake up Dean. He knew how much Dean needed his sleep, and he didn’t have to get up for another hour or so. It would be better or Dean to hold those poker nights when in weekends where he didn’t need to get up, but since Charlie worked as a bartender from Friday to Sunday night that was pretty much impossible.  
Cas walked over to the living room. Since it was too early to wake Dean, he decided to spend some time with Charlie and Gabriel. As soon as he walked through the door he noticed someone missing. “Isn't Gabe here anymore?” He asked Charlie confused.   
Charlie laughed. “Oh, he's here alright.” Charlie said, smirking suggestively. Castiel looked at her confused. “Where is he?” He asked, looking into the kitchen to find him. He looked at Charlie again, who was laughing hard by now. “You'll never guess who spend the night together!” She said happily, look up, since Sam’s room was on the second floor. Castiel looked at Charlie incredulous as he realized what she meant. “They had sex!?” He asked with big eyes and a hushed voice.  
Charlie tried to hold in her laugher to calm Cas down. “Sam says they just slept in the same bed...” She said, clearly not believing it. Cas looked up as well, not ready yet to think of how that might affect his and Dean’s relationship. “I'm sure they did.” He said pointedly. He scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, could you not mention this to Dean maybe?” He asked.  
“Why?” Charlie asked teasingly. “I betted on this with Dean. He's buying us beer if I tell him.” She told him. Castiel’s eyes grew big. “You betted on his little brother having sex with my brother?” He asked, being answered with an even louder laugh. “Nah, on Sam being into guys as well.” Charlie clarified, mainly on all of us being a little gay, Sam was just the last one to cave” She grinned. Cas let out a relieved breath. “In that case I’m pretty sure he has to buy it anyway after their display last night.” Cas said, coughing awkwardly. Charlie pretended to consider it. “I guess...” She teased then looked at the time. “Don’t worry I won’t tell him.” She assured Cas. “But I'd get you brother out of Sam’s room before you wake up Dean.” She suggested. Cas nodded, glancing at the time as well. “Good point.” Cas nodded, heading to Sam's room quickly.  
Before he opened Sam’s bedroom door he prayed he wouldn’t have to walk in on his older brother naked. His prayers were somewhat answered when he found Gabriel in his boxers in Sam's bed, clutching the pillow.  
Cas rolled his eyes, as he went over to his brother. “Gabe... Gabriel...” He said while shaking him awake. “Get up.” He hissed as Gabriel blinked at the light in the room before looking at Cas. “Huh?” He asked, not recognizing the room he woke up in. Cas rolled his eyes. “Come to the living room before Dean sees you coming out of Sam's room.” He said with a shake of his head before leaving the room again.  
Gabriel hurried over to living room after getting dressed. He was having a minor hang over, something non-off them seemed to get here. As soon as he was in the living room Dean’s bedroom door opened. He was glad he had gotten back in time, not wanting to cross Dean, since Cas was against Dean finding out for some reason. When Dean walked into the living room after eating his whole breakfast in bed, Gabriel smirked. He looked like hell as well. Gabriel was glad he wasn't the only one with a hang over, and Dean hadn't even seemed that drunk.  
Cas smiled, walking in behind Dean, checking to see if Gabriel got back on time. He smiled before kissing Dean’s cheek. “Come on, let's get you showered.” He tried, holding his hand and leading him into the bathroom.  
Gabriel made a gagging face at Charlie as soon as they walked out again. “Not something I want to think about, Cas and Dean showering.” He joked. Charlie looked at him and raised her eyebrows. “Do you think they wanted to see you plant your tongue in Sam?” She asked, still with a lifted eyebrow. Gabriel grinned and nodded. “Touché.” He admitted. Charlie laughed, then looked at him with big excited eyes. “So... Do you like him?” She asked curiously, like a girl on a slumber party.  
Gabriel shrugged, laughing at the way she seemed excited. “I don't know, I mean, I'm not really looking for anything right now.” He answered a bit vaguely. Charlie sighed. “Too bad, you would've been cute.”  
Gabriel smirked. “I'm already cute.” He teased.  
Ten minutes later Cas and Dean came out of the bathroom again.   
Dean sighed. “I need to leave in half an hour, so you better be ready to leave by then.” He said, then suddenly turning to Gabriel. “And you... Just know if you hurt him I'll hurt you…” He threatened him, then took Cas’s hand in his and kissed his cheek. “Same speech you gave me about him.” He clarified.  
Gabe just nodded. “Don't worry, it's nothing serious, just a game.” He shrugged. “Sam knows that.”  
“You better pray he does.” Dean warned.  
Dean decided if Sammy wanted to talk, he would. If he didn't, it probably meant nothing to Sam after all, which would be more than okay. Dean was glad Cas had at least one brother he did like, but if that guy hurt Sam, he would be kicked out as quickly as possible. Besides Dean appreciated Gabriel's company, so it would be awesome if he could build a bond with some of Cas’s family as well, just like Cas had done with Sam and Bobby. Even if he and Sam were already friends before he and Dean started dating.

After that morning no one mentioned what had happened that night again and Sam was more than thankful about that. It wasn’t until Tuesday that Dean so much as hinted to it, just to see Sam’s reaction. “I invited Gabriel for poker night.” Dean suddenly said during dinner.  
Sam just nodded, pretending his heart didn't bounce at that name, and really, it shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like your support, it really keeps me going ^^  
> Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the new chapter, if so please let me know :)

When Sam came home from work the next Wednesday he finally allowed himself to think about Gabriel again. Not that Gabriel had left his mind completely before that, but he had been able to push those thoughts away until then. But now that it was only one more day before he’d come face to face with him again he couldn’t help but wonder why he kissed Gabriel back last week, why he invited Gabriel into his bed and wether the same thing would happen tomorrow.  
He knew he couldn’t linger on those thoughts. Gabriel didn’t seem like a guy that really cared about a kiss here or a touch there and Sam was certain he hadn’t even crossed Gabriel’s mind after Gabriel woke up in his bed last Friday. So Sam simply had to accept the fact last week had happened and that he had to move on.   
He reminded himself one night with a guy didn’t define him or his sexuality. He didn’t like the Gabriel like that. He barely even knew him and it had just been some fun, he told himself again and again. As soon as those thought crossed his mind he realized a bigger issue; why would he care about liking a man. He tried to think of something but came up blank. Still he knew there was something that bothered him about it.  
Sam’s thought process was interrupted when Dean opened the door after he came back from the shops, holding a crate of beer.   
Sam looked at him confused as Dean carried it to the kitchen. “Are those for tomorrow night?” He asked. “Isn’t it Charlie’s turn to buy, or is there some other party you’re going to?”   
“No.” Dean grumbled. “I kind of lost a bet to Charlie..” Dean sighed.   
Sam grinned at that. “Really?” He crossed his arms amused. “About what?”   
Dean was the one laughing then, though he was clearly a bit uncomfortable, having to admit it. “You, actually” He admitted, receiving a confused and slightly offended look from Sam. “Me?” Sam asked. Dean grinned slightly at Sam’s confusion. “Yeah you... Being into guys.” He clarified keeping a close eye on Sam to see how he’d react.  
Sam's eyes flew open. “This is about Gabriel?” He asked annoyed. “I’m not…” He stopped talking. He really hadn’t meant to sound so appaled by the idea. He calmed himself down slightly then followed “I’m not bi like you, Dean.” He said, less harsh this time.  
“Well I didn't see no boobs Gabriel.” Dean countered with a slight smirk, not offended by the way Sam reacted. “Believe me, last person to judge you is here.” Het assured him. “I mean, maybe it’s just a Winchester-Novak thing...” He laughed, which only made Sam angrier again.   
Suddenly Dean looked at Sam more serious. “Just watch out with Gabriel will you... He's alright as a person, but I don't know if he's that reliable.” He confined in him.  
Sam exhaled loudly, throwing Dean a bitch face. “I'm not planning on dating him or anything. It was just something that happened when I was drunk..” He clarified, still unsure if Dean knew everything that happened that night. “You didn't lose your stupid bet.” He clarified for measure. Dean lifted his eyebrows, crossing his arms. “Well that kiss could have fooled me.” Dean told him with a small grin, then turned a bit more serious. “Listen Sammy it’s okay. I know it can be confusing, I went through the same thing, remember. And don’t try to say it didn’t mean anything, we both know you aren’t that sort of person.” Dean told him, putting his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “And that’s okay.”  
Sam shrugged the hand off. “Why can't you just believe it was a one timer?” Sam asked desperate for the conversation to stop.  
Dean’s smile softened. “Because you don't do that. I've never seen you kiss a girl without having her stuck in your brain for weeks..”   
“Maybe it helps that Gabriel isn’t a girl..” Sam argued, crossing his arms. Dean patted his shoulder softly as he sighed. “Maybe..” he agreed unconvinced.   
“Whatever.” Sam responded. It looked like Dean pitied him and he hated it.   
“Anyway.” Sam said, trying to find a way out of the conversation. “I’ll be home late tomorrow, Bobby asked me to stay until six. Don’t talk to Gabriel about this conversation will you?” It wasn’t as much a question as it was a demand. Dean gave him a slight smile “I won’t.” Dean promised.  
“Thank you.” Sam answered sincerely before heading back to the livingroom to continue watching his show. 

When Sam came into the office that Thursday he was already nervous about how his evening would go. “Good morning.” Sam greeted Bobby as he walked in.   
“G'morning, Sam.” Bobby answered with a smile. “How are ya?”  
Sam put down his bag “I'm okay. You?” he asked a bit distracted as he started up his computer.  
“I’m fine, but that inspection next week is starting to get me worried.” Bobby answered with a sigh as he kept looking at the papers in his hands.   
“I know,” Sam agreed. “but that’s what happens when you want to expand.” Sam told him. “Besides, we’ll get trought it, okay. Just one more week.” He went over the details with Bobby again, hoping their preparation would get them through the inspection next Friday. Bobby spend the rest of the day working on cars, only coming back to eat his lunch with Sam.  
“How's your college application?” Bobby asked with a smile. He was so proud of little Sammy going off to become a lawyer. Sam had always worked hard. And eventhough Dean came in late almost every morning when Cas wasn’t there to wake him, Bobby was also proud of Dean. He still remembered how Dean had one day just shown up in the old Impala that Bobby had sold to John all those years ago.   
The first thing Dean had done was tell Bobby Sam needed to eat and they both needed a place to stay until Dean figured out how to get them through their father leaving. Even at age twelve he had offered to work to earn their keep. Bobby took them under his wing and while Sam was doing his homework Dean spend most of his days learning about cars. Dean had grown up a lot since that time, but he still hadn’t changed a bit. He still took care of Sam like it was his one and only purpose. It got to the point where Sam rebelled against Dean like any other teen would rebel against his parents.   
Even now, Dean saved up a quarter of his income each month so Bobby could put it in a college fund for Sam. Bobby of course added to the fund as well; Sam was like a son to him. Sam didn't know about the savings yet. Dean and Bobby both knew he woud feel guilty about it and the added pressure wouldn’t benefit his application so they decided not to tell him until he got accepted.

Bobby looked at Sam again, witing for an answer about how his application was going. Sam sighed, seeming a bit worried about it. “I might get a scholarship, but I might not even be admitted, I mean, I’m still not sure about my admission essay.” He admitted. “But, at least I know I’ll always have a place here.” Sam said, making Bobby smile. He had told Sam that countless times, but it was good to see Sam believe it.   
“I'm sure you'll get in. ” Bobby said, putting a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder. Of course he wanted him to stay if he was thinking selfishly. But he knew Sam needed to get out of this small town. He was made to do big things, so for Sam’s happiness and Sam’s future, Bobby prayed Sam could get out and get his lawdegree.  
Sam smiled at Bobby thankfully. “How about I get to work on these lists.” He suggested to draw attention away from the compliment.

Sam came home around six thirty that evening. The crew was already in the living room, starting their first game of poker. “Hey” He greeted them through the open door. “I'm just gonna take a quick shower and then I’ll join you.” He announced. Charlie elbowed Gabriel with a smirk. “Why don't you join him..?” She teased to make Sam blush.  
Gabriel just smirked while Sam, Cas and Dean said “shut up Charlie” almost completely in sync.   
Sam was glad to notice the seat next to Gabriel wasn’t free, since it meant he didn’t have to think about whether it would be weirder to sit next to him or to not sit next to him. He noticed the way Dean -who was sitting next to Gabriel- kept his eyes on Sam suspiciously. Gabriel winked at Sam as he sat down across from him, but appart from that he pretty much acted like nothing had happened last time.   
Gabriel kept it up for at least an hour before Sam softly felt the tip of Gabriel’s shoe stroking up his leg. He blushed brightly but didn’t do anything to stop him. Instead he spread his legs a little moving them closer to Gabriel as well, so the other could continue with more ease. It had felt so natual to move into the touvh that Sam barely registered doing it. Despite him clearly enjoying the attention, Sam was sure his face was bright red and the look in his eyes could tell anyone how embarrassed but excited he was. Gabriel, on the other hand, looked like nothing was going on. It was only the small, almost invisible smirk on his lips that showed that he was up to something.   
After a few more rounds they moved to the couches, Gabriel and Sam next to each other on the loveseat this time, Dean and Castiel sat down on the other couch and Charlie found her familiar place in the lounge chair again.   
“I bet Sam won't get us a beer.” Dean said as soon as everybody was seated.   
“Drink up, Dean.” Sam laughed as he got up to get them all another round. When he came back, Dean was sitting in his place next to Gabriel.   
“I was sitting there..” Sam said a bit awkwardly, unsure what had happened in the short time he had been in the kitchen. The others looked just as unsure as he did, except for Dean, who glared up at him.  
“Yeah, and now I'm sitting here..” Dean countered, crossing his arms. Sam decided it wasn’t worth the argument and instead sat down next to Cas. Charlie looked at Dean suspiciously, who’s expression made it very clear he wanted her to shut up.   
“So Dean,” Charlie started with a grin. “why exactly did you have to treat us all to beer tonight?” She asked, then glanced over at Sam who started to blush. Dean looked at Sam as well before glaring at Charlie again with a look that screamed ‘I’ll kill you’.   
“You know why..” He said, the look in his eyes intensifiying as he noticed her smirk growing. She ignored it as she continued. “I'd like to hear it..” She stated.   
Cas knew this could only go wrong and interrupted. “Dean.. Is there any food?” He asked quickly. “I'd love something to eat right about now..”   
“You know where to look..” Dean told him, almost ignoring Castiel before addressing Charlie again. “Charlie I swear, if you tell Gabr..”   
Sam interrupted them with a tipsy laugh. “It's because they think I'm bi, just because we kissed last week.” He admitted with a roll of his eyes. “Just like my brother is…” He added with a shake of his head, not even looking at Dean.   
Gabriel looked shocked. “You didn't know you liked guys before that?” He asked, looking at Sam unsure.   
“I don’t...” Sam answered, though the doubt was clear in his voice. “Just havin' fun.” He reasoned with a grin.   
“Too bad.” Gabriel answered, looking down a bit sad before smiling. “But we could be having more fun right now..” Gabriel teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows.   
Dean hit him on his arm. “You will only have that fun by yourself..” He warned, suspiciously sharp.   
Gabriel shrugged. “I'm not hitting you for doing my little brother..” He countered matter of factly.  
“Gabriel!” Castiel said embarrassed.   
Sam sighed. He hadn't meant to cause that much trouble, and he hadn't even kissed Gabriel that evening. He caught himself feeling bad about it and mentally hit himself. He shouldn’t want Gabriel. He wasn’t like Dean, he didn’t like Novak’s, uh men, he corrected himself, his head overrun with feelings he shouldn’t be dealing with after drinking.  
“I'm going to bed..” Sam announced all of a sudden. He went to his bedroom before anyone could protest. Not that they would; Cas was half asleep himself, Charlie was great at reading people and had probably already spotted that something was wrong, Dean just wanted him away from Gabriel it seemed and Gabriel… He had no idea what Gabriel was thinking. He was probably too afraid of Dean to do anything, even if he wanted to. Sam got undressed reluctantly, no matter how much he refused to aknowledge it, he had hoped Gabriel would sleep next to him again. The other gave a warmth and comfort that Sam already missed. Maybe repeating last week would have set some things into perspective, he reasoned to himself as he crawled underneath the still cold blanket.   
In the living room the arguing had stopped a few minutes after Sam left. Cas yawned and looked over at Dean now that he was alone on the couch. Dean looked back at him apologetic. “Sorry dude, you wanna go to bed?” He asked. Time had gone pretty fast and by the time Dean brought Cas to bed it was 1 AM.   
Charlie looked at Gabriel with a smirk. “Are you going to stay here?” She teased, knowing the answer already. She wasn’t blind and and there was no way she had missed the slight ruffle under the table and the guilty way Sam had looked during poker.  
“Nah,” He smirked.” I'm sneaking into Sam's room as soon as I'm sure Dean's asleep. At least, if Sam wants me there.” He shrugged. He felt like he had found an unexpected friend in Charlie and he was glad his sister had such a good taste in women. “So, how are you and Anna doing?” He asked her with some concern in his voice. The couple deserved so much more than the secrecy forced on them.   
Charlie sighed. “She's still not ready to come out, so there's a lot of sneaking around...” She told him, looking at the floor. Gabriel looked at Charlie, seeing something mirroring regret in her eyes. He could see she didn’t want to feel it, but she couldn’t help it. “I understand it’s hard to keep your feelings quiet, but I’m so grateful that you aren’t pushing her. It’s difficult in our family to be different.” He explained. “Our older brother is the one taking care of us now and he's very religious. It’s been hard for me and Cas…” He admitted, trying to surpress memories. He finished his beer before he continued. “I was the one that told her not to tell our family yet. I promise as soon as she is save the two of you can be so happy, but until then she’s just lucky to be with someone like you.” He told her with fondness in his tone. “Someone that actually cares about her. And I know you do, she told me.” He said, his voice soft and his eyes kind.  
“I didn't know it was that bad.” Charlie said silently. “I just hate not being with her, you know. I can almost never see her in person and if we’re in public, we have to pretend to be just friends.” She paused, then sighed. “But I know she didn’t choose this either”   
“Why don't you invite her here?” Gabriel asked all of a sudden. “I mean let's make it a little gayer up in this place..” He smirked, returning to his normal self again.  
Charlie’s eyes grew excited. “That's a great idea…!” She agreed. “Thank you Gabe!” She got up to hug him before she squeeled happily.   
Gabriel smiled broadly “Just so you know, eventhough I like you, all that big brother crap still counts for you. You hurt her, you die..” He said, but with an obvious grin.   
“Same goes for you and Sam. I'm very protective of that moose.” She laughed. “Talking about the Sam man, I think you can sneak up by now.” She told him.   
“Then I'll see you tomorrow morning.” He told her quietly as he walked towards the door. “Unless he kicks me out of course.” He said once again, afraid of how likely that scenario was.   
Gabriel tiptoed up the stairs, then slowly opened Sam's bedroom door. Sam was lyingin his bed asleep. His chest naked, down to the belly button, where the blanket covered him.  
Gabriel walked over, unable to look away from the beauty that was Sam Winchester. “Sam?” He asked softly after getting closer.   
Sam woke up, his room was dark except for the streetlight that shone through the curtains “Gabe?” Sam asked confused with a mixture of tipsiness and sleep-drunkeness.   
“Any room left for me?” Gabriel asked with a small smile, looking into Sam’s dazed hazel-brown eyes.  
Sam nodded with a smile. “Yeah… Come here.” He answered, already scooting over.  
Gabriel undressed until he was in his boxers as well. He felt Sam watching his every move in the darkened room.   
He crawled into Sam’s open arms, the single bed forcing them close together. As soon as Gabriel wrapped his arms around Sam aswell, Sam started moving his hands over Gabriel's back and through Gabriel’s hair. Gabriel took this as an invitation as he started kissing Sam softly. Sam kissed back just as tenderly. After both of them started to want more than the gentle touches and kisses Gabriel pulled back to let his mouth discover more of Sam.   
When Gabriel started kissing his neck and nibbling on his ear Sam let out quiet, comfortable moans. He pushed against Gabriel and pulled him even closer. Gabriel could feel Sam’s hard member rubbing against his thigh. He smiled. “You like that, don’t you?” He teased him, deserving a nod along with another soft desperate moan. Gabriel sucked a little hickey next to Sam's Adam's apple, marking Sam.   
Sam moaned louder as he felt his sensitive skin tingling under Gabriel’s mouth. As soon as Gabriel pulled away from the mark Sam pulled him up by his chin to kiss him, licking his lips open. Gabriel loved feeling so close to Sam, being so intimate with him. He had done this many, may times before, but it had never felt like this. They started grinding their hips together. Both of them gasping, their kisses becoming little more then stealing eachothers air and needing eachothers touch. The were both entranced in their passion, moaning louder and louder before reaching their climax.   
Sam’s head was spinning as he tried to think about what had happened. His thoughts were short-lived as he felt Gabriel’s mouth on his again. His kisses were sweeter and more gentle, like the ones at the beginning. Sam relaxed into the feeling not even bothering with the stickiness in his boxers as they continued kissing and moaning. After a little while, it got less lustful and more affectionate and sweet. They continued with small, sweet kisses before falling asleep in each other’s arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I want to thank everybody who left kudos and comments. Thank you so much, you really make my day!  
> I had really hoped to upload this as a little extra chapter somewhere in the week, but the flu kinda ruined that plan. So instead a short chapter as the regular upload, and hopefully if I manage, a bonus chapter somewhere this week. No promises though!

Sam woke up at 7 am the morning after ha and Gabriel had acted like horny teenagers. Gabriel was still in his arms. The way he was snuggled up against him made him look almost angelic. Sam looked at him with a small smile before the flashbacks started.  
Oh god… He suddenly realized he still felt the stickiness in his boxers. Oh god, he couldn't believe he and Gabriel took it that far yesterday. Still he was already half-hard now, his cock hardening further as he thought back about how it had felt last night.  
Sam wasn’t sure how to feel about himself at that moment and the sight of a peacefully sleeping Gabriel kept his mind hazy. He got out of bed, still looking at Gabriel as he untangled himself. He doubtfully placed a kiss on Gabriel's lip, earning a happy sigh, before he left the room to take a hot shower. 

In the shower the memories kept playing in his head. He let the hot water run down his body as he gripped himself, needing to find some relief. He started softly jerking himself, leaning back against the slippery wall of the shower as he replayed the memories of last night, briefly thinking back at Charlie's joke of Gabriel joining him in the shower, which only led to very vivid fantasies he’d want to forget as soon as his shower was over. He came in hot spurs on the shower floor. He held his breath for a second when he realized this had been all him. He couldn’t blame the alcohol or even Gabriel for what he did. He was fully functioning and alone when he came to the idea of Gabriel joining him in the shower.  
He washed away all the evidence of what had happened quickly before getting ready to go to work, deciding against his morning run since he didn't trust himself to go into the shower again.  
Instead he took some extra time with his breakfast, making some freshly squeeze orange juice and preparing everything painstakingly slow. As long as he kept his mind busy, he was okay.  
Charlie started to wake up as she heard Sam washing his dishes. “Sammy Boy!” She called out, her enthusiasm barely covering how sleepy she really was. “How was it last night?” She asked as he entered the living room at her call.  
Sam tried his previous tactic again “What are you talking about?” He asked, playing coy.  
Charlie shook her head smirking. “Sam...” She warned with her arms crossed. Sam blushed, Charlie’s let out a surprised laugh. “I could have heard you...?” She asked to clarify, her eyes twinkling with excitement. “Okay, this just got interesting.” She teased. Sam bit his lip, ignoring her curious stare and looking at his feet instead. “Can I ask you something personal?” He asked, still not looking her in the eye. “How did you find out you were gay?” He looked up now and just seeing the lost look in his eyes made Charlie pity him slightly.  
Her smile softened but she couldn’t help a little tease, hoping to make the conversation less weighted. She patted his shoulder. “Not as interesting as you did...” She told him, earning her an annoyed glance, though Sam seemed able to look at her normally after that, instead of with those puppy eyes. She continued. “I just knew, y'know. I didn't need to find out, because I never thought I was straight. My parents were pretty chill about it actually, so until I was about thirteen I never considered my crushes on girls abnormal” She explained. “Ask Dean, he went through the same thing.” She advised him, patting his back again.  
Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, great idea... I'll just tell him, ‘hey listen, so me Gabe had some fun last night, am I bi now?’ and I’m sure we’d have that brotherly bonding moment you want us to have.” He said raising an eyebrow. Charlie looked at him curiously. “What do you mean by fun...?” She asked him, keeping his eyes focused on him intently. Sam stayed quiet for a while before softly admitting. “There was some... Dry humping...” 

Charlie let out a squeal. “Oh Sam, you dirty boy.” She teased before turning serious again. “Just remember, you don't have to label yourself as anything unless you want to. Just find out how you feel about Gabriel, regardless of gender.” She told him. “But maybe you should get to know him a little first. He seems like a good guy. Someone with a lot of demons but a good guy non-the less.”  
Sam nodded thankfully. Even though Charlie teased him a lot and was sure to provoke the drama where she could, Charlie was someone that really cared, and Sam was thankful to have her as a friend.  
“Oh, and uh...” Charlie started excited. “I was wondering, since you all know about me and Anna... Would it be okay if she'd come along next week?” She looked at Sam hopeful and he smiled back softly.  
“That’s a great idea.” He agreed. “I’d love to meet her! I've got to run now, but I’ll see you both next week, yeah.” He said as he noticed the time. He hugged her goodbye. “Thank you for everything.” He kissed her cheek before running off to get to work. 

 

When Sam stepped into Bobby’s office he was still thinking about Gabriel. “Morning Sam.” Bobby said with a smile, interrupting his thoughts. “The form you mailed last week came back this morning.” He told him, already handing him some files.  
Sam nodded as he brushed through them. “Oh, that's great...” He said with a distracted smile. “now we just have to pass the inspection and you’re on your way to expand.” Bobby nodded, keeping a close eye on Sam. He exhaled as Sam sat down at his desk. “Listen Son, I know I barely notice your little parties on Thursdays, but I still want to ask you not to drink too much next week. I need you on top of your game for the inspection on Friday, okay?”  
“Sure.” Sam agreed, realizing that meant being with Gabriel sober. His mind started racing. Would he still want Gabriel sober? What would it mean if he would. He did want him this morning, that had to mean something.  
Bobby looked at him worried. “Sam, are you okay?”  
“Yeah, 'm fine.” Sam answered when he realized how stressed out he must have looked.  
\------  
Castiel woke up around nine thirty. His first stop was the kitchen to make some croissants for everybody. When they were in the oven he went to the living room hoping to find Gabriel asleep on one of the couches this time. He only found Charlie, lying on the couch and grinning up at him from the book she was reading.  
Cas rolled his eyes and looked at Charlie frustrated. “Sam's room?” He asked. Charlie nodded, smirking as she did. Cas shook his head. “That guy should be wearing a chastity belt.” Cas muttered as he headed up to Sam’s room. 

“Gabriel.” Castiel sighed after he turned on the light, finding his older brother in Sam’s bed again. Gabriel let out a complaining groan before seeing Castiel looking like he was about to burst out in frustration.  
“Hello little brother.” Gabriel teased, loving how riled up he could get Cas. Castiel wasn’t having it as he scolded him. “Gabriel... This is the second time you're here, and the second time I have to get you out of Sam's bed before Dean wakes up...” He reminded him. “Are you trying to ruin my relationship or are you just playing your games regardless of who you could hurt? Sam isn’t that kind of guy and if I believe Dean he has never been. I don’t want to see you hurt him.” Castiel told him, genuinely hurt by how little regard Gabriel seemed to have for his happiness.  
Gabriel swallowed deep, not having expected a speech from his younger brother. “Oh come on Cassie, we're just having a little fun.” He tried. Cas crossed his arms. “Just get out and go to the living room. I don’t want to hear about your fun Gabriel. That’s how people get hurt.” That comment felt like a kick in the guts as the smirk on his face disappeared “Just let me get dressed, I’ll be right down.” He promised in a quieter tone.  
Cas didn't even say a thing, he just turned and left so Gabriel could get dressed.  
When he was ready he walked into the living room like nothing had happened. “Good morning.” He greeted Charlie. “Where's Cas?”  
“Waking up Dean.” She answered, then grinned at Gabriel. “You do realize he's your brother’s boyfriend and your boyfriends brother...” She asked, wanting to see how he’d react.  
“I'm not dating Sam.” Gabriel said, rolling his eyes. “We're just… having fun.” He sighed, trying not to think about Cas’s words too much.  
“Yeah I heard.” Charlie teased, her face growing serious as soon as she realized how hurt Gabriel looked.  
Gabriel ignored the pity stare and did all he could to look like his casual sarcastic self. “How?” Gabriel asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “Are the walls thin or was Sam kissing and telling?”  
“Let's just say I'm glad it's not the first.” Charlie laughed, wondering if she misread the situation.  
Gabriel was glad the pity had disappeared. “Ooh… What did he say?”  
Charlie snorted. “I'm not telling you.”  
“Aww, come on, I'm curious.” Gabriel pouted. Charlie looked out of the corners of her eyes before leaning in and softly saying. “All I'm going to say is he dry humps and tells.”  
Gabriel started laughing loudly. He abruptly stopped when Dean walked in, followed by Cas. “What's so funny?” Dean demanded, annoyed by the loud noise.  
“Nothing.” Gabriel said, waving it away. “I'll be more quiet, sorry.” Dean looked like he had that terrible mixture of hangover in combination with getting up on the wrong side of the bed.  
“Yeah, you better be.” He told Gabriel before turning back to his room to get ready. Gabriel sighed but didn’t fight it. He wanted to be able to come back and pissing Dean off didn’t seem like the right way to go about it. 

Castiel didn’t notice the way Gabriel looked at him when they went home after that. Gabriel was sure the comment had already slipped his mind but in Gabriel’s mind it echoed. He decided he needed to see Sam one more time, just to know how he felt and to close this chapter. If the next week didn’t give him clarity he wouldn’t go back, he promised himself. Cas was happy and this fling or whatever it was… It shouldn’t get someone hurt.


	5. Chapter 5

The week had been an absolute torture for Sam, and everybody noticed it. Not only did he doubt his own sexuality more than he ever had, he was also dreading the upcoming Thursday. He would be sober, and Gabriel would probably be just as drunk as he normally was. He put a lot of pressure on it, feeling like that was the time to find out what he really thought about Gabriel, with everything that that implied.   
Bobby had assumed Sam was distracted and nervous because he had gotten bad news from the college and he didn’t dare to tell Bobby.   
“Listen Sam,” Bobby started out of nowhere putting a hand on Sam’s shoulder that Tuesday. “You know, you can tell me what's up, right?” He asked. “Is it that college? Did reject you? They’re idjits if they did.” When Sam didn’t respond, a bit confused, Bobby decided that he had been right about what was up. “Well screw them. You should have gotten in, you're the brightest kid I know. Hell, I’m sure you'd be the brightest in your class.” Sam looked up as he realized what Bobby was talking about.  
“Wait, slow down.” Sam told him, looking up from the work he hadn’t been able to concentrate on anyway. “There's nothing wrong, Bobby.” He told him to calm him down.  
Bobby looked at him disbelieving. “Bullshit!” He exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table. He was fine with Sam not telling him things, but out right lying was an insult.   
“Okay.” Sam admitted. “It's uh...” Sam wasn’t sure what to tell him. “It’s about someone.” He wasn’t ready to tell anybody about his doubts, not even Bobby.   
Bobby calmed down, rolling his eyes. “You've gotten yourself in love again.” He sighed.  
“Yeah...” Sam nodded with a small blush, this being the first time he said that out loud. Bobby shook his head with a small smile. “So, what's different about this one?”   
“Different?” Sam asked, afraid of what Dean could have told him.   
“You know what I mean boy. Every one of your girlfriends is different from any other girl according to you. Is she the smartest girl you met, or does she care for animals unlike anyone you know...” He clarified with a laugh. “And this one must be really special, seeing how bad she’s got you.”  
Sam went red. “Yeah... This one is different.” Sam laughed humorlessly.  
Bobby shook his head again with a laugh. “Just don't let it distract you to much.” He joked.  
“Yeah no sure, sorry.” Sam stuttered a bit. “It probably won't work out anyway...” He sighed.  
Bobby looked at him more worried now. “You're never this pessimistic.” He noted. Sam let out another humorless laugh. “Try realistic.”  
Bobby lifted an eyebrow. “She's already got a guy?” He asked him, feeling bad for Sam. Sam shook his head. Bobby sighed. “Then what? She got a girl? Is it that Charlie?”  
“No. It's uh...” He wondered if he should tell Bobby. “It's not someone you know...” He settled on.   
Bobby nodded. “What's her name?”  
Sam bit his lip as he thought about it. “Gabriella.” He answered. He wished he could get himself to tell Bobby. Bobby had been like a father to Sam and Dean for as long as Sam could remember. He had always accepted and supported them. When Dean and Cas went to Bobby to tell him about their relationship Dean had been nervous at first. But Bobby just welcomed Cas to the family. He didn’t even mind that Dean hadn’t told him about them sooner but made sure to remind the both Sam and Dean that they could tell him stuff like that.   
Still Sam couldn’t get himself to say it. If he had said it, there would be no way back, so for now Gabriel would be Gabriella. 

“Sounds pretty.” Bobby answered before leaving the small office again to continue working on cars. Sam worked on sorting orders, it was a boring task, but it kept his mind busy.

\----

Dean had also noticed how strange and distracted Sam had been. “Sammy.” He greeted him on Thursday as Sam came home. “We need to talk.”  
Sam scoffed. “Are you breaking up with me?” He joked trying to break the sudden tension.  
Dean crossed his arms. “I'm serious. You seem different lately. Is something wrong?” He tried. He wasn’t into the whole melodramatic talks, but he already who was at fault for how Sam was feeling, and Dean felt like he had to protect Sammy.   
Sam waved it away. “It's nothing.” he tried to sound convincing, but he could see Dean wasn’t buying it. Sam looked away, sighing a bit unsure. “It's just... How did you know you were...” He stared, stopping short of saying the word.  
Dean grinned, his eyes soft as he nodded. “What? Handsome? Smart? Hot?” He teased, knowing exactly what Sam had meant. Sam rolled his eyes with a loud exhale.  
Dean grinned at his own answers before getting more serious. “How I found out I was bisexual?” He asked with a grin. “For me it was a process, I guess. I felt something for Cas, and well... It took me about a year to figure out... But eventually, I realized I liked him.” Dean explained. The way he said Cas’s name showed how much he cared and the look in his eyes betrayed how fondly he remembered it.  
Sam nodded with a smile, taking in the expression his brother wore. “What made you realize?” He asked. He wasn’t used to his brother being this open, but he knew Dean had gotten a lot better at it since he started dating Cas.  
Dean let out a happy sigh. “Remember when Cas came out to us?” He asked, and Sam nodded before Dean continued. “My heart jumped, it back flipped in my fucking chest and I suddenly how happy that made me.”  
Sam had no idea how to respond. It sounded so good, so pure. Sam He just smiled instead, not daring to ask on since he didn’t want to remind Dean why he was asking those questions in the first place.   
To Sam’s disappointment Dean squinted at him. “Why?” He asked. “I'm sure this is more than just getting to know your big brother.” He crossed his arms as he gave Sam a stern look.  
Sam looked at him back at him with a hint off frustration and disbelieve. Was Dean really going to make him say this. “I think you know why...`.” He arched his eyebrow.  
Dean nodded remorsefully. “Gabriel?” It wasn’t so much a question as a statement.   
Sam nodded. “You were right.” He hated to admit Dean knew him that well. “I think I like him.” Sam looked at Dean trying to guess what he was thinking as he could see the rage built in Dean’s eyes. Dean scoffed. “I knew it.” He said. “That fucking asshole.”  
Sam tried to calm him down. “Dean. It’s not his fault.” He told him.   
Dean payed him no attention as he continued. “If that punk thinks he can call it 'fun' or 'just a game' when you're here, practically doodling his name in hearts he has another thing coming.”   
Sam tried to hide how much it hurt to be reminded of Gabriel calling it that. “You won't tell him a thing.” Sam protested when he realized just what Dean said. “Please.”  
“Will you tell him?” Dean crossed his arms with raised eyebrows before the doorbell rang.  
Sam shook his head. “Not yet.” He took the ringing doorbell as a chance to leave the conversation. 

Sam smiled after opening the door to Cas, Gabriel and Anna. He let them in, smiling like nothing had happened. His eyes lingered on Gabriel. He had to know how he felt after meeting him sober.  
“This is Anna.” Castiel said, introducing his sister to Sam. She shook Sam’s hand with a kind smile. “You must be Sam.”  
Sam nodded. “Nice to meet you.” He told her as he let them in. “Do you want a drink?” He asked Anna, knowing the others would just take what they wanted themselves by now.  
“Just some water.” She answered when they were in the kitchen where she saw Dean. “How are you?” She asked. She didn’t know him very well, since he wasn’t allowed in their house, but they had talked before briefly.  
Dean smiled. “Great as always. You?” he asked Anna, after greeting his boyfriend with a fleeting kiss and Gabriel with a death-stare.  
“I can't tell you how happy I am you invited me.” She told them, a bit nervous. Sam cut in. “Glad to have you.” He assured her with a smile as he handed her a glass of water.  
When the doorbell rang again, it was Charlie. Sam opened the door and grinned. “Anna's in the kitchen.” He said instead of greeting her.  
“Thank you.” Charlie answered, smiling widely as she sprinted past Sam to get to her girlfriend, hugging her tightly before planting a kiss on her lips. “Anna!” She smiled. She saw her girlfriend a lot less then she'd like.

 

The evening started as it always did; poker. Anna didn't know how to play poker yet, but she quickly caught on. To everyone’s surprise Sam won the first round, though Gabriel won the second.   
When they went to the sitting area of the living room Charlie pulled Anna on her lap. It felt so amazing to just treat her girlfriend as a girlfriend. It was clear how much they loved each other to everyone in the room. Sam couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like, not being able to be together without fear, and despite of that still being that in love.

Sam never realized how funny it was to be sober in a room full of tipsy people. Dean couldn't walk completely straight, and Sam only now realized just how much Dean drank. Castiel drifted in and out of sleep every few minutes. Charlie was proclaiming her love repeatedly and while Anna told them a million thanks for having her here with her Charchar.  
But it was nothing compared to Gabriel.   
Sam was sitting next to him on the couch and though Dean didn't come to sit between them, it was clear he didn't like it. Gabriel seemed to realize this. He kept looking at Sam’s hand before clutching his own hand, as if to contain himself from touching Sam’s.  
Sam smiled at that and slowly moved his hand to Gabriel's. He looked at their two hands together holding a firm reassuring grip on him and rubbing the back of the hand with his thumb. He couldn’t help the butterflies that overtook his stomach when he saw Gabriel smiling at him and squeezing Sam’s hand.

Castiel took Dean’s hand in his when he noticed the death-stare he was giving their brothers. He hoped the soft touches and Castiel’s attention might calm Dean down a little. He knew how much Dean disliked the idea of Sam and Gabriel together and Cas knew it was all his fault.  
Castiel, however, saw no real harm in the two of them together, if Gabriel was serious about it at least. Sam was a nice guy, and Gabriel really needed someone nice. That Sam was bisexual had been a bit of a surprise, but a nice one in Cas's eyes, at least Dean wasn't the only one anymore.   
After a while Cas decided they'd best leave the couple alone before Dean really lost his cool. He faked sleep at around 12 but was so tipsy and sleepy he actually fell asleep. Dean woke him up half an hour later to get him to bed.

Castiel loved the drunken cuddles when they were tipsy. Their sex was amazing, but he liked this as well, even better maybe. Dean brought him to bed and helped him in. He crept in next to him and moved his arm around him completely until they were completely together. He kissed him softly, whispering how glad he was he met him, how sweet and amazing he was. Cas dozed into a soft sleep with the words finding a way to his ears.  
Dean was his first boyfriend, and he was Dean's. Of course Dean had relationships before, but never with a guy. It made Castiel feel special, even if it meant they were both still figuring things out.  
\---

Gabriel had been with men before; he used to have the occasional fling every so often and he had loads of fun night in the past with the compliments of Grindr. He had never really been shy about wanting someone and he still wasn’t. Even after years without dating or flirting with anyone. Though he knew a lot had changed since Gabriel’s Grindr-days and he had changed a lot as well. 

Gabriel took another swing of his beer to get off his current train of thought. Now that Cas was gone he could move closer to Sam without being afraid that Dean would violently remove him. He looked up at the taller man, taking in his reaction as he slowly moved to sit on Sam’s lap. Sam put his arms around him and Gabriel smiled happily as he sunk into the touch, looking over at his sister and Charlie. They looked so in love. That was exactly what he felt for Sam.

Sam smiled, he actually smiled as Gabriel sat on his lap. He was completely sober, and there was nothing he'd rather do then kiss Gabriel right then and there.  
They talked for about thirty more minutes before Sam decided he wanted to go to his room and have it be just them for a while. He knew Charlie wouldn’t bet an eye if the two went upstairs together, but Anna would.   
Anna who was already surprised by the handholding and by Gabriel sitting on Sam’s lap. Sam didn’t want to explain to her why they had to hide everything from Dean and he was definitely not ready to admit just how he felt about Gabriel, but he couldn’t see any way of them going to his room together without explaining everything and admitting some things he really didn’t want to say at that point.  
So Sam stayed quiet, just holding Gabriel as he thought of his options. He didn't have to think long as Charlie rescued him. “Did you remember to put a mattress for Gabe in your room?” She smirked. “Great idea by the way, me and Anna both have a couch now.”

Sam grinned. By now he was sure Charlie could actually read his mind. Still, drunk Charlie was a genius. He nodded. “Yeah. I think I'll turn in, now that you mention it. Gabe?” Gabriel moved of Sam's lap and followed him. As they entered his room, Sam could swear he saw Gabriel looking for the mattress, though he caught on quickly.   
Sam started undressing, feeling awkward as he noticed Gabriel's eyes all over him. When he was in his shirt and boxers he looked at Gabriel, who was already in only his underwear. “Uh Gabriel... Would you mind if we'd just... uh...” He started awkwardly, unsure what he was even planning on saying. “If we just... lie down...?” He said, mentally cursing himself for how stupid it sounded. Gabriel didn't seem to care. He laid down on the bed and looked over to Sam, hoping he’d join him. Sam slid in next to Gabriel, looking at him with a smile before he slowly, unsurely kissed him. 

Gabriel kissed him back, holding him closer as he did. With every move, Sam could feel Gabriel’s stubble against his skin. He decided he wasn't bothered by it, nor by the feeling of Gabriel’s body as he held him.   
He closed his eyes, still kissing Gabriel. Sweet soft kisses, hot long kisses, but nothing more than kisses and light touches as they held each other. They fell asleep in each other’s arms as they had done from the start.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to upload an extra chapter this weekend. Let the real drama begin. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

When Sam woke up, he smiled at the man in his arms. He kissed Gabriel's lips, his eyes opening softly.   
“Good morning.” Sam smiled as he noticed Gabriel looking at him. “G' morning.” Gabriel returned, making a small sleepy sound as he wrapped his arms tighter around Sam before his eyes closed again.  
Sam let out a small laugh. He moved away from Gabriel’s embrace slowly as he hear a soft disappointed sigh. 

He looked into the living room before going on his run. Charlie and Anna were still fully dressed in the clothes they wore yesterday, asleep in each other’s arms on the couch.  
When Sam returned, they were both awake, talking about the previous night. “Good morning ladies.” He greeted them.  
“Morning.” Anna replied. “I want to thank you again for last night. I'm glad I was invited.”  
“Don't sweat it. You're always welcome.” He assured her before heading to the bathroom for his shower. When he left he looked into his room quickly, only now willing to admit it was all more serous then he had made it out to be. Even when he told Dean that he liked Gabriel it hadn’t been completely honest. He didn’t just like him, this was love.   
As he biked to work he put on his music, grinning as 'Let's give them something to talk about' started playing, and when he rode over a path almost no one took, he even sang along to it too.  
He arrived at Bobby’s still humming. “You're happy son.” Bobby greeted him with a smile. “Good, try to stay in that mood, inspection's coming today.” He reminded Sam. Sam nodded, knowing that the auditor would just want to ask him and Bobby some questions now and all the hard work was thankfully behind them. It now only came down to their talks, and Sam was very well prepared. 

\----

Back at the apartment Dean and Cas woke up by the doorbell. Dean grumbled as he looked at the time. Still, he went to open the door to see who was there. It was the mailman, carrying a letter that had to be signed for. It had the Stanford logo on the envelope and was adressed to Sam Winchester.  
After Dean signed the letter, he went to the living room, realizing there was no use in getting back to sleep. He looked around a bit confused. “Where's Gabriel?” He asked, after sitting down and noticing their group was on asshole short.   
Castiel walked in behind Dean after having tried to call Gabriel to get out of Sam’s room, but to no avail. He locked eyes with Charlie as they both decided on a plan. Charlie’s stressed look turned into a more casual one when Cas started talking. “He said he had a thing early in the morning, so I’m guessing he left?” Charlie nodded glad for Castiel’s save.  
Anna looked unsure. “Shouldn’t we check if he's still in Sam's room, if it’s important?”  
Dean's eyes grew wide. “Still..?” He repeated as he practically ran over to his little brothers bedroom, slamming the door open.   
Gabriel opened his eyes confused. He was suddenly completely awake in seconds as Dean ripped the covers of him.  
Dean was seething. “What are you doing in Sam's room.. Why are you practically naked?” He demanded angry.  
Gabriel started to get scared by the way Dean was acting. Before he even had a chance to reply Dean continued screaming. “You listen to me you punk. I don't care how much 'fun' you think you're having, but you better ask him out on a proper date, or stay out of his life completely, you understand? You don’t deserve him, but you deserve to break his heart even less.” He let out. Gabriel nodded confused, wondering if he really heard Dean telling him to ask Sam out. He pulled back the covers to cover himself up ashamed.   
“Since when have you been sleeping here?” Dean demanded, his voice becoming more aggressive when Gabriel kept quiet. “Since when?!” He repeated, hovering over Gabriel.  
“First time...” Gabriel admitted, clearly scared. Dean got closer, grabbing the sheets Gabriel was hiding under.   
Castiel rushed in, hugging Dean from behind and calming him down. “Dean... Dean...” He tried in a soft voice. “Calm down... This was Sam’s own choice. Don’t hurt Gabriel, please.” Dean sighed and shrugged Cas off. He shot Gabriel another angry glare and threw the sheets to the ground before turning around and walking out of the room.   
Castiel followed his boyfriend worried. Dean didn’t even look at him. “I'm gonna shower.” Dean huffed and walked into the bathroom. He slammed the door before Cas could follow him.

Castiel was standing in the hallway unsure what to do. He felt at a lost and decided to go to Sam's room to at least get Gabriel away from his boyfriend. When he got to the room he looked at Gabriel with some pity. His older brother was completely pale, still in his boxers, with the blankets thrown on the ground by Dean. “Gabriel, put some clothes on will you? And get out of here...” He didn’t have it in him to be angry, he was far to shocked by the way Dean had reacted and by how it had effected Gabriel. Gabriel hadn’t moved since Dean walked in. He was visibly shaking and Cas was pretty sure he had seen him flinch when Cas opened the door again. He grabbed Gabriel’s clothes from the floor and handed tem to him, finally getting a reaction out of him. “Take Anna with you.” He told him in a soft voice. “Charlie and I will take care of Dean.” He left the room again so Gabriel could collect himself and get dressed.   
Gabriel nodded obediently, very unlike himself. He got dressed quickly, not paying attention to anything as mindlessly put on his shirt and jeans.  
“What's going on?” Anna asked. She had no idea what all the commotion was, but dean looked angry, Charlie looked panicked and Cas just looked like he had lost all hope in general. Charlie took her hand, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. “I lied yesterday. Gabriel didn't really have a mattress in that room. He and Sam have been… uh... Well hell if I know, but whatever they have been doing, Dean wasn't supposed to know.” She explained. “He doesn’t trust Gabriel and he’s very protective of Sam.” She continued. “I’m sorry I lied but Sam hasn’t been ready to talk about it, it just seemed easier this way.”  
Anna shook her head, but sighed. “So this is my fault..” She realized.  
Charlie took her other hand as well. She knew how afraid Anna had been about doing something wrong. This was their only chance to be together. “It's my fault.” Charlie told her. “You didn't know.” She told her firmly. She saw the way Castiel looked at her before he went upstairs. They both knew this was something Cas and she had to deal with. “But,” She started softly. “Maybe it's best if you go home with Gabe when Cas gets him. Dean can have quite a temper when it's about Sam.” She kissed her lips softy before letting go of her hands. Anna nodded and started packing her stuff. “Do you think I'm welcomed back here next week?” She asked, her voice smaller than usual.  
“You? Sure.” Charlie told her with a small smile. “Gabe on the other hand..” She walked over to Anna, who was done putting everything in her bag, and kissed her again. They broke apart when Gabriel walked into the living room. He took a second to look at Anna and he couldn’t help jealousy rising up. He turned around cursing himself. He was so glad his sister was happy, he just wished he could feel like that again.. “ Anna, you coming?” He called out without looking back at her. He hoped to come off as casual, but there was still a slight tremble in his voice. Anna made sure to follow Gabriel quickly with Charlie following them as well. 

Charlie looked at Gabriel and put her hand on Gabriel’s shoulder. She smiled with pity as he looked her, still pale. “Don't worry, Dean will come around.” She said softly, not sure if it was true this time.  
Gabriel shrugged, though he still seemed tense. “I guess.” He responded. “He said I was not allowed back... Unless I ask Sam out.” He seemed unsure as he told her the last part.  
Charlie frowned. “That's... surprising.” She said, then smiled at him curiously. “Will you?” She asked, her eyes growing. “This could be the start of something good, if you’d want that..”   
Gabriel furrowed his brow, like he hadn’t even considered it yet. “I might call him this afternoon, what do you think?” He asked, glancing at Anna , wondering if he and Sam could ever be like Charlie and his sister. Charlie couldn’t help but notice that, especially when he stared at them holding hands. She let Anna’s hand go for a second to hug Gabriel. “Ask him for coffee, I mean why not?” She asked in the hug. Gabriel looked at her sincerely when they broke apart. “What if he says no?” He asked his voice small.  
Charlie smiled, letting out a small sigh. “Then you won't go out, but at least you’ll know what he feels about you. And you're exactly where you are now, only a bit more sure, and with your shirt with the right side out.” She laughed comforting, pulling at the tag hanging out the front of Gabriel’s shirt. Gabriel grinned a bit at that. He had hurried to much when getting dressed. When the water stopped running in the shower, he realized he should really be leaving, and that he needed to take Anna away, just in case. He thanked Charlie and Anna kissed her ones more before they left.

Charlie went to the livingroom to greet Cas after saying goodbye to the two other Novak’s. “I’m taking Dean didn’t take it well?” She asked, seeing how lost Cas looked. Cas shook his head. “I don’t understand, it’s not like it was a drunk mistake. Sam didn’t have a drop of alcohol and he’s old enough to choose his own relationships.” He argued. Charlie nodded. “Sometimes I feel like Dean still sees Sam as a child.” She admitted. They stopped talking when they heard the bathroom door fly open.   
Dean walked directly to his room to get dressed. Cas wanted to follo him but Charlie put a hand on his shoulder and softly shook her head. She knew that if Dean needed his time.   
A few minutes later he walked into the living room, still pissed off. Before Charlie or Castiel could try to calm Dean down he started talking. “So both of you knew?” He asked angry, clearly feeling betrayed.  
“Oh come on Dean they were just having some fun..” Charlie tried, wanting to make sure she would be at the center of dean’s anger instead of Cas. The comment made Dean ever more angry. “No they weren't!” He told them, then sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. “Sammy actually likes that guy, and Gabriel doesn't give two shits about him.” He said hopelessly. Cas was starting to get frustrated, he knew this was partly his fault, but the way Dean treated Gabriel was just unfair. “That's not true, He argued. “I'm sure my brother cares abou-”  
Dean shook his head, mirroring Cas’s frustration. “Gabriel doesn't give two shits, but I told him he could ask Sammy out, or leave him alone completely.” He said, looking at Cas challenging. “So I guess we'll see who’s right. Just don't count on another happy poker night with your brother. Cause if he won’t treat Sammy right, he won’t get through that door, you hear me?” Dean slammed the table as he spoke. He just knew Gabriel would hurt Sam, and he couldn't let that happen. “If you two were so sure everything he did to Sam was A-okay, why did both of you keep this from me.” He argued.  
“Mainly of how you're acting right now..” Charlie sighed, feeling bad for Dean as well as being annoyed with him. She sat down next to him, and put an arm around him. “Listen...” She started as he felt him calming down a bit. “You gave him a warning, let’s see what he’ll do with it. Sam's a big boy, he can handle himself.” She gave Dean a moment to let it sink in before continuing. “Don’t forget Sam is just as involved in this as Gabriel is. If they like each other, you can’t stop it, and keeping them apart is the worst thing you could do.” She told him, looking at Cas from the corner of her eye.   
Dean got up, realizing what she meant. He looked at Cas apologetically and walked over. Cas didn’t need an apology. Instead he pulled him into a hug. “I know you’re angry Dean, but don’t lash out at Sam over this okay?” He asked, keeping strict eyes on Dean until Dean nodded in agreement. “Especially today.” He handed Dean the letter from Stanford. “You have to get to work and give him this.”


	7. Chapter 7

After the inspector had asked him several questions about their data security, safe practices and financial status, Sam sat down at his desk with pride. He was glad it was finally over and taken care off and he was thankful for how well it went. Though he stayed professional during the audit, his mind couldn’t help but wonder off to the last few Thursdays and in particular to that morning.  
Charlie was right, he should stop trying to differ his whole identity because of one person. If he could stop seeing Gabriel as a guy but see him as a person he might be willing to admit to himself, and maybe even to Gabriel, how he felt. Maybe. 

He looked up from his laptop when the office door opened.  
“Hey Sam.” Bobby greeted him as he walked in with Dean following him. “What’s up? How did the tour of the workshop go?” He asked Bobby with a smile. The other was grinning widely so it seemed like it’d be good news. “Very well, he told me he was very impressed with how well we have everything in order. He was mainly impressed by you.”  
”By me?” Sam asked confused. Dean nodded. “But soon he won’t be the only one.” He told his brother with a smile.  
“Dean signed for a letter this morning.” Bobby said, showing him the envelope with the Stanford logo on there. 

Sam looked at the logo on it excited. As far as he knew it wasn’t normal to send official letters that required signatures. He looked at Bobby and his brother, starting to get nervous as well as excited. “Have you looked at it?” He asked before noticing the envelope was still sealed. There was something in Dean’s smiled, Sam couldn’t quite understand. “I wouldn’t dare...” Dean said, giving Sam the letter. Then, just as Sam started opening the letter, he added. “I mean it’s not like you’d keep important things from me, right...? No need for me to find out for myself.” Sam ignored the blatant sarcasm, figuring he’d deal with whatever Dean was saying after he had opened the letter. He opened the letter under the watchful eye of Dean and Bobby.  
His eyes scanned the page, scanning the intro until he read. ‘we are happy to inform you are accepted into the gifted program.” He looked up at Bobby and Dean, who were staring at him intensely. “I got in!” Sam exclaimed excited as the men’s faces lit up. Dean was the first to rush behind the desk and hug his brother. “Congratulations Sammy!” Dean said proudly. Bobby patted his back in a small hug after Dean. “You’ve worked hard enough for it boy.” He chimed in.  
Sam picked up the letter again looking for another piece of information. “And...” Sam said, still reading. “I’m eligible for a scholarship that will pay most of my tuition and invited to the introductory dinner with the dean!” He told them after he finished reading. Bobby pulled him into another hug. “I’m so proud of you boy.” He told him in the hug. Dean smiled. “You’re such a nerd.” He said in a loving tone.  
Bobby smiled. “I’m letting you off early, both of you. I’ll handle it with the others for today, you did enough after that inspection. You go celebrate.” He smirked at Sam. “Maybe that Gabriella will want to celebrate with you.” He said with a wink before he left.

Sam’s face fturned bright red as Dean’s expression became unreadable. “Gabriella?” He asked, his tone hard and accusing.  
“Gabriel…” Sam muttered. “Does it matter?”  
“No.” Dean said with a stern face. “Because Gabriel isn’t welcome at ours anymore.”  
Sam looked at Dean disbelieving. “What?” He demanded. Dean crossed his arms. “You heard me.” His voice was starting to get louder. “This morning, I dragged him out of your bed, half naked.” He looked at Sam pointedly. “I told him he had two choices, ask you out or leave for good.”  
Sam’s eyes flared up. “Dean. You had no right-” He started, but Dean interrupted him. “I had every right, Sammy. I’m meant to protect you and he’s just playing with you.”   
It hurt. It hurt to hear once again that Gabriel didn’t care about Sam, but it hurt even more that Dean didn’t trust Sam enough to let him make up his own mind. He just glared at Dean angrily as he left the office, letter still in hand.

He wasn’t sure where to go. He didn’t feel like going home, in case Dean would go there. Instead he opted for Charlie’s place, a small room in an old office building that was now being rented to students and starters. He called her up as soon as he rode into her street, realizing he hadn’t even asked if he was welcome.  
“Hey, can I come by?” He asked as soon as she picked up the phone, not bothering with pleasantries.  
Charlie could hear something was wrong instantly. “Of course. How late will you be in?” She wasn’t sure whether it was the letter or if Dean told Sam about what happened that morning. Or if it was both.

Sam was glad Charlie didn’t mind him coming by. “I’ll be in front of your house in a minute.” He told her, calming down a bit.   
“Well, thanks for calling ahead.” She joked as he grabbed her key and opened the door in advance.   
Sam stopped in front of the door a few moments later. He was still clutching his letter over the handlebars of his bike.  
Charlie looked at him first, then the letter. It was the Stanford one Dean signed for this morning.  
“Hey Sam... How are you?” She asked trying not to sound too worried. Sam didn’t even bother keeping up a show. “Bad.” He answered as she let him in, staying silent until he was seated on Charlie’s desk chair as she sat down the bed. The room wasn’t really made for company, but it was all Charlie could effort right now.

Charlie looked at Sam, waiting for him to start talking. Sam was breathing heavily, looking her straight in the eye. “What happened between Gabriel and Dean?” he asked her, straight to the point. Charlie sighed. “Dean found Gabriel in your bed...” Charlie said apologetic. “He lost it, as you could expect. He told Gabriel to get out, and basically not come back until he asked you out.” She explained. “He wants to prove that Gabriel is just messing around. I know it’s backwards, but he really does this to protect you.”  
Sam sighed. “What do you think about it all?” He asked, not making much sense of it himself.   
Charlie smiled softly. I think you’re old and wise enough to make your own mistakes, but I don’t think Gabriel is one of them. Have you heard from him yet? He said he was thinking of calling you.” She told him, but Sam shook his head. “No..”  
She looked at his disappointed face. “Maybe he’ll call you later today.” Charlie said, trying to comfort him.  
“Maybe.” he said unconvinced.  
Charlie’s eyes fell on the now partly crumpled letter. “What’s the news from Stanford?” She asked, a bit afraid of the answer. Too her relieve Sam’s eyes started to show a sparkle. “I got in.” He said, getting excited again. Charlie jumped up to hug him tightly. “That’s great Sam! I’m so proud of you!” She kissed his cheek before pulling away. Sam was beaming now. “So am I, to be honest. I got in on an honorary basis which means a scholarship and an introductory dinner.” He said beaming with pride. Charlie hugged him again before letting go. “Sam that’s amazing!”

Sam’s look changed to a sad one again. “I was planning to celebrate tonight. With all of us.” He told her. “But uh... I’d rather not right now.” He admitted.  
Charlie put a hand on his shoulder. “You still haven’t told me what happened exactly. Why did Dean bring it up, me and Cas told him not to talk about it today because of the letter.”

Sam’s shoulders drooped as he looked at Charlie with guilty eyes. “I have kind of told Bobby about Gabriel. Well, I told Bobby about Gabriella…” He admitted. “And he brought it up today, saying I should invite her to celebrate... When Dean heard, he went mad.”

Charlie had seen Dean act like that before to protect Sam, though never this angry. It was difficult for the brothers to find a balance in their relationship; Dean was constantly trying to baby Sam, who had been getting sick off it for some time. This time though, Dean had really crossed a line, dragging Gabriel out of Sam’s bed and threatening him.

Sam took out his phone to see if it was anywhere near dinner time. 2.30 PM. They could wait for a bit.   
He noticed his missed calls. Three from Dean and one from Cas, which was probably just Dean as well. Nothing from Gabriel. Not that he had given Gabriel his number, but he was sure Gabe could get it if he wanted to.  
Sam turned off his screen again, ignoring how much it stung that he hadn’t heard anything. “It’s too early for dinner, but maybe we can get a milkshake to celebrate?” He suggested to get his mind off it.   
“Sure.” Charlie smiled. She grabbed her keys and phone, checking it quickly, seeing she had two texts, one from Dean, one from an unknown number. She selected the one from Dean and showed Sam as they walked out. “He’s worried, see.” She said as Sam read the text, asking Charlie if Sam was with her, since they had a fight.   
“Can I tell him you’re here?” She asked him, as she started to reply.   
“He’s an asshole.” Sam countered. “But sure... Wouldn’t want him to call the police to report me missing.” He huffed. Charlie let out a short laugh. “You know he means well.” She tried, then grinned. “Besides, you’d look good on a milk carton.” She joked.  
“It’s just... To Dean I’m still that ten-year-old Sammy that came home from school to find out most of the furniture was gone, and so was dad. And he’s still the big brother that drove us to Bobby. He can’t accept that I’m not that kid anymore. I don’t need to be protected.” He let out with frustration in his voice.

The brothers barely talked about their past or their father. Sam wasn’t sure Charlie had ever heard this much of their story. In fact, he was almost certain she hadn’t, but he couldn’t hold it in any more. It had been building up for so long, Dean patronizing him, seeing him as someone who needed to be saved.   
He wanted to live his life without having a watchdog watch over him every single minute. “Did you know he actually accompanied Bobby at my parent teacher conferences in the role of guardian. He’s only four years older than me.” Sam huffed. “I’m so tired of it, you know? It’s my life, not his...”  
Charlie took his hand in hers to calm him. “Sam. Your brother loves you, he wants to keep you safe.” She said in a calm voice. “And yeah, he crossed a line today. Well, apparently, he crossed many lines over time, but you won’t be living with him for much longer, so enjoy the time you have together. Soon you’ll be of to Stanford, making your very own mistakes, and telling me all of them of course. He’ll have to learn to let you go then...” She reminded him, then grinned. “So, you can fuck as many boys as you’d like. Have an orgy if you want to. No one to stop you except maybe the campus police, but that’s really more of a location issue.” She joked, glad to see Sam laugh as he removed his hand from hers to give her a playful hit on her shoulder. Now that Sam was smiling again she dared to press him a bit. “Maybe you should invite Dean and Cas for shakes as well. You’ll regret not having them there when we’re celebrating.” She told him.   
Sam knew she was right. “I guess...” Sam shrugged, still a bit unconvinced. Charlie knew how important it was that Dean would be there. “Besides, Cas hasn’t really done anything.” She continued, since he really hadn’t and if Cas would come so would Dean. Sam contemplated it before agreeing. “I’m calling Dean.” He told her and got his phone.   
While Sam yelled at Dean a few times more before inviting him for a milkshake, Charlie realized she hadn’t looked at the other message.  
Her eyes grew wide as she squealed next to Sam who looked at her confused.  
“I’ll tell you after.” She mouthed, gesturing to Sam’s phone. He hung up after telling Dean to invite Cas as well. He looked at Charlie curiously before she handed him her phone. ‘I hope you don’t mind but Anna gave me this number. Cas isn’t giving me Sam’s number until he’s sure Sam doesn’t mind, but he can’t get a hold of him. So, can you give it to me. Also, maybe you could see what he thinks about dating and all that... This is Gabriel by the way. And Anna says hi.’   
Sam’s eyes grew wide. “He... Okay... uh.” Sam said, clearly at a loss for words. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice kept telling him it was weird. Gabriel was a guy, and not just any guy, Gabriel was Cas’s brother. Cas, who would most likely become his brother in law.  
But then there was a voice, way worse, and way more persistent, telling him Gabriel was only doing this because of the threats. Not because he really liked Sam, but because if he didn’t, Dean would hate him forever and if Gabriel saw the same thing between Dean and Cas, he most likely wouldn’t want to fight with his future brother in law.

“Sam?” Charlie asked, bringing him back to the real world. “What should I tell him?” She asked, sounding a bit worried after Sam spaced out. He shrugged. “Just give him my number...”  
“You don’t sound as excited as you should be sounding... Where is my blushing, sexuality questioning Sam?” She teased, poking his side. Sam jumped to the side. “I didn’t blush...” He grinned.  
“Like a tomato.” Charlie laughed as she sent the number, telling Gabriel that he shouldn’t worry.  
Sam got a text almost instantly. They walked into the diner while Sam looked.

 

‘Hey, Gabriel here. You know, that strikingly handsome guy in your bed every so often... I was wondering if you maybe want to go for a drink sometime?’

Sam put the phone away a with a sigh. Charlie looked confused. “What’s wrong Sam, what did he say?” She asked, not sure what was going on with Sam.  
“He asked if I wanted to go for a drink some time.” Sam answered, his face still sad. Charlie stopped and looked at him confused. “Then why do you look all mopey?”  
“Because who knows what he wants. I don’t even know what I want.” He sighed. “Dean will probably force me to say no anyway. Because that seems to be the way dates work for me, Dean forcing people.” Sam said in a humorless laugh.   
Charlie started to see what he was saying. “You think that’s what’s going on?” She asked him.  
Sam sighed. “Imagine you’d be threatened by someone that’s of influence on someone you love… You’d do as they’d want you to.” Sam explained. Charlie sighed, she understood Sam’s doubts, but she knew they were baseless. “I don’t think that’s why he asked you out Sam. I’ve talked with Gabe. He likes you, I can see it every time he says your name.”

A small smile crept on Sam’s face, though he made sure to roll his eyes. “That’s really cheesy, you know.” He told her with a grin. Charlie smiled and continued. “That’s also really true. So text him back!” She playfully hit his shoulder repeatedly. “At least try to see if it could work, what’s the harm in trying?” She figured.   
“You’re right.” He sighed and took out his phone. Charlie smiled. “Always am.”  
Sam grinned as he texted back.

‘Yeah I vaguely remember… And sure, that sounds nice. When do you have time?’

Seconds later he received a text back and couldn’t help but smile at how eager Gabriel seemed.

‘Tonight?’

‘Okay, Carters at 8?’

‘See you there. Xx’

Sam smiled at his phone, his thoughts only interrupted by Charlie. “What happened?” She asked excited. “Where is he taking you?”  
“Carters.” Sam said, not able to stop the little smile he had as he showed her the conversation.  
“Will you tell Dean?” She asked.  
“I don’t know. Maybe...” He shrugged. “It depends on how this celebration goes.” He said as they stopped in front of Bernie’s shakes ‘n steaks, the small dinner on the corner. Sam still fondly remembered the first time Bobby took them there.  
Cas and Dean were already inside, both drinking a triple chocolate with banana milkshake.  
When Sam and Charlie entered there were a few tense looks between the two brothers, but as soon as Sam and Charlie sat down, it was like there was a silent agreement not to talk about it.  
“So, Stanford!” Cas said happily. He knew how badly Sam wanted this, how badly he deserved it. “Congratulations Sam, that’s amazing.”  
Dean looked over at Sam proudly. “To our little nerd!” He said raising his glass.  
They all raised their glass too Sam, pretending like there wasn’t a lot left to be resolved. Instead they talked about what classes Sam would take, a bit about the inspection and lots about other stuff including how much they’d miss him when he’d be gone in half a year.  
“So is everyone coming back to ours? We have to keep this celebration going!” Dean smiled. They normally didn’t do anything on Fridays since Charlie was a bartender on weekends.   
“Actually...” Sam started a bit nervous, looking at Dean. “I kind of have plans.” He admitted.  
“Plans?” Dean asked. “I thought you said you stopped that debate club thingy...?”  
“It’s not that uh... I’ve uh... I’ve got a date.” Sam said, his face turning red again.  
Cas and Charlie smiled but Dean just looked taken aback. “Date...?” He didn’t miss the way the others looked. “He...?”  
“He asked me out.” Sam filled in, his tone a little smug. “He did exactly what you told him… And now I’m going, even if it’s just to see if he’s not just doing it because of you.”  
Dean looked at him but nodded. "Well... Have fun." Was all he could say.   
He hadn't expected Gabriel to actually go through with it, and now couldn't argue, since he was the one that suggested it.   
Charlie smiled. "You should go get ready, Stanford boy." She grinned. Sam nodded, checking the time before he left. “Thank you for the celebration.” He told them, before walking out of the diner to get changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was working on the last part I got asked out on a date as well so lets hope Sammy and Gabriel hit it off, just in case it's not a coincidence :P


	8. Chapter 8

Sam had gotten ready carefully, as if it was any other date. Still now that he stood in front of the door, looking up and seeing a brightly lit sign saying Carters his mind started to run wild. He could still turn around, go back home, forget about all this and find a girl to settle down with he reminded himself.  
Damn why did it bother him so much that Gabriel was a guy. He shouldn’t care, after all he didn’t care Dean was bi, he didn’t care Cas was gay, he didn’t care Charlie was lesbian. He suddenly realized how much gay friends he had. Still all of that didn’t matter to him, but thinking of himself with a guy irked something in him. Not the idea of being intimate, but what it would mean for him, for who he was. He had to admit Charlie was right, he shouldn’t start labeling himself if he didn’t feel comfortable with it. But Dean had started saying he was bisexual the moment he and Cas started dating. And this was the same wasn’t it... Little Sammy following in Dean’s footsteps. Maybe it did have to do with Dean.

Some guys asked Sam to move because he was blocking the door. He hadn’t even realized he was still stood in front of the door. Instead of walking in he just moved aside. 

He could still turn back.  
He could still be different from Dean.   
He didn’t have to be bi.  
He didn’t have to be dating a Novak.

Sam sighed as that thought crossed his mind. He wondered if he’d really deny himself something, just because he would ‘copy’ Dean. Was the only thing holding him back his mind rebelling against the idea of him becoming like Dean? 

He finally walked in, deciding it would be stupid to walk away now. He obviously wanted this and if Gabe wasn’t a Novak, if this wouldn’t make him label himself as bi, he wouldn’t have doubted.  
“I thought you’d run.” He heard as soon as he walked through the door. Gabe was sitting in a booth next to the entrance. “You stood outside for so long.”  
Sam blushed a bit. “Uh no.. I..”  
“It’s okay, my good looks can be intimidating.” Gabriel joked as Sam sat down, trying to break the awkward.  
Sam laughed a bit. “So can my brother be..” He countered.  
“Really.. I hadn’t noticed..” Gabriel smirked. “I mean it’s good he did it, otherwise we wouldn’t be here.”   
“So, this is just to smooth over your relationship with your future brother in law?” Sam asked, trying to be casual about the question he had been asking himself ever since he read the text.  
“No.” Gabriel said firmly. He hadn’t even considered how it might seem like that. “But I’m not really the dating kind.” He admitted. “I’d probably be playing around until you’d ask me what the hell we were doing. And even then, you know, not the confession type either...” He explained. “But since your dearest brother gave me an ultimatum, I decided it’d be to break that routine. In case you haven’t heard I’m banned from the residence.” He said in a joking tone to keep it light, not wanting to show how serious this confession was to him. “But yeah you know.. It was fess up now or never seeing you again.” He explained.  
“Oh.” Was all Sam could say, seeing through Gabriel’s casual mannerisms and realizing what he had in essence had just said. “Thank you.” Sam muttered. Gabriel nodded, also unsure how to continue.   
The waiter came just in time to stop the upcoming awkward silence. “Hello, what may it be?”  
“I’ll have an ice tea.” Sam answered. “Thank you.”  
“And a red wine.” Gabe added. The waiter nodded and went to get their order.  
“An ice tea, that’s so tame.” Gabriel grinned.  
Sam smiled. “I’m not always such an alcoholic.” Sam shot back with a smile.  
The waiter brought their drinks as they talked about themselves, their work and life. All sence of time flew out the window as Sam laughed at Gabriel’s dumb jokes and Gabriel listened to Sam with an admiration for how passionate and clever Sam could speak. 

Then Sam told him about the letter, shy to brag about what an honor he had gotten.   
“That’s great!” Gabriel said happily. “I didn’t know I’d be dating a genius.” He laughed. “So...” He asked in a sudden realization. “You’ll move away at the end of summer?” He couldn’t hide his disappointment. Sam nodded, only now realizing what that would mean for them, not having time to think it over after all the turbulence of the day. “I will.” He nodded. “But you know, I’ll visit home often.” He quickly added.   
Gabriel nodded back at him, unsure how to repond. “Can’t be missing my pretty face for months on end, can you?” It was early to be talking about Sam’s moving away would influence their possible relationship during the first date, but both of them felt the change of atmosphere that came with the idea of Sam leaving.  
“Well, it’s impressive you got in.” Gabriel told him. “Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”  
“I went for shakes this afternoon.” Sam answered, glad Gabe broke the tension. “With Charlie, Cas and Dean.”  
“Wow milkshakes. You do get wild, Sam Winchester.” He teased grinning.  
Sam rolled his eyes laughing. “What would you say counts as a celebration?”  
“Anything including alcohol or balloons.” Gabe grinned.  
Sam laughed at that. “Well I’ll keep it in mind next time I get into a university.”  
“Or for your going away party..” Gabriel said, the mood immediately dropped again. They sat in silence for a few moments before Sam picked up the conversation again. “Didn’t even think of that yet, but that sounds like a plan. You’re coming as well right?”  
Gabriel smiled. “Of course. When is it?”  
“I don’t know when exactly, the end of August. But whenever it is, you are invited.” He told him.  
“Are you sure I’m allowed back at yours?” Gabriel teased. “I don’t want to be chased down the street by an angry Dean.”  
“Not even for me?” Sam teasingly flirted.  
“If you put it that way… I’m sure I can handle Dean.” He smirked then softly grabbed Sam’s hand. Sam smiled at him and squeezed his hand briefly. “I’m glad he didn’t scare you off...” Sam admitted, looking at Gabriel.  
Gabriel laughed. “He’s going to have to be a lot scarier to keep me away.” He suddenly looked at him with a curious smile, loving the little blush on Sam’s face. “You really didn’t know you liked guys?” He asked. Sam looked at him a bit unsure. “I’m still not sure..”  
“Oh…” Gabriel responded, clearly disappointed and a little hurt. Sam realized how it had sounded and instantly regretted how he phrased it as he felt Gabriel’s hand slip from his slowly. “Maybe it’s only you.” He clarified, squeezing his hand again, happy as he felt Gabriel moving his hand back to hold Sam’s hand tighter.  
Gabriel smiled again. “Well don’t I feel special.” He had a joking tone, but his eyes were soft.  
“You are.” Sam told him, then asked himself if it wasn’t too much, too fast.  
“Sam Winchester.. You’re making me blush.” Gabriel said, softly rubbing his thumb over the back of Sam’s hand.

A waiter came up to them after they had been talking for a bit longer, still holding hands. The waiter brought them their bill and told them Carters closed at twelve, so they had to go. Sam looked outside, realizing they had been talking for 4 hours as he saw the darkness through the window.  
Gabriel payed for their drinks before they walked outside hand in hand.  
They stopped outside as Sam turned to Gabriel. “Do you want to come over for coffee?” Sam asked, the redness of his face showing in the light of the closing down lounge.

Gabriel grinned, raising an eyebrow. “Coffee?” He laughed. “I wouldn’t mind some coffee..” He pulled Sam closer by his waist, getting on his toes to kiss him, slowly and deeply. Sam kissed him back, circling his arms around Gabriel’’s neck. When they pulled back, Gabriel pecked his lips once more, quickly.   
“How about we go for actual coffee tomorrow?” He asked with a soft smile. “I want to do this right. Not rush into anything… Well, not again at least.”  
“Uh.. Yeah, okay sure.” Sam answered, not having expected that. He then smiled, realizing how sweet it was. “Thank you.”  
Gabriel smiled again. “So coffee tomorrow? How about I meet you at the Coff&co at 3.”  
“Sounds good.” Sam kissed Gabriel again before letting go off him. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”  
“See you tomorrow.” And with that, he walked away, looking back once and smiling.  
Sam walked home, arriving at half past 12, finding Dean on the living room couch. “So.. How was it?” Dean asked before asking anything else. Sam sighed, of course his brother had waited up for an interrogation, or maybe to send Gabriel away in case he had come home with Sam.  
“It was nice..” Sam just said. “He still wants to see me after what you did to him, so that’s a relieve.” He crossed his arms as he looked around. “Where’s Cas, he normally stays over on Fridays.”  
Dean shrugged avoiding an answer.  
“Wait.” Sam said suspiciously. “You didn’t actually sent him home to get Gabe’s side of the story did you?” Dean looked at him, wondering when Sammy had learned to read him that well.  
Sam scoffed. “You’re pathetic you know.”  
Dean was taken aback by the comment. “I’m trying to protect you.” He told him, trying not to yell. Sam got more angry. “From what, happiness? From someone that might love me? Or from leaving you?” He told him, realizing with a shock what he had said. Dean looked surprised as well. “What? You think I’m jealous... I’m afraid he’ll give you something bad, or that he’ll hurt you. You have no idea where he’s been or where he’ll be off to.” Dean tried to reason, but Sam was beyond talking.   
”I don’t care Dean. You’re just trying to control me. If it’s a mistake, let me make it.” Sam continued. “But you’re afraid that it’s not a mistake. You’re afraid I’ll find someone else to live with. You want it to be just us in the end. That’s why you don’t want Cas to live here either! He’s miserable at home and he’s here almost every night, but you won’t help him and let him move in, all to keep our dysfunctional family life safe.” He said, unaware he had cropped up all those feelings until he hear himself talking. “Guess what though, I’m leaving in a few months, leaving you, leaving this place. I don’t need you Dean.”

He walked to his home, feeling like he was a teenager who just had a fight with his parents, not really proving Dean wrong with that feeling. He got out his phone, deciding to text Gabriel.  
‘How was your interrogation?’  
He smiled as he got a message notification a few seconds later.  
‘Cas pretty much asked me what he should tell Dean.’  
‘Sorry bout him. He’s way out of line.’  
‘Like I said, he’s going to have to do a lot more to scare me away.’  
Sam smiled at that. He was glad Gabriel was willing to deal with it all.  
‘looks like he’s trying..’  
‘He won’t scare me Sam, I like you way too much.’  
‘I like you too.’  
‘I can’t wait until tomorrow. Good night X’  
‘Me neither, good night. Xx’  
Sam put his phone away and lay down, falling asleep with a smile despite his two fights with Dean that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my date will be on Thursday and since I'll be hanging with old friends tomorrow I won't have tim to update, so this week it's an update on Tuesday instead of Wednesday


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late responses on comments this week. busybusybusy.

Sam was in the living room the next day, looking at apartments near Stanford when he heard the front door open. He knew Dean wouldn’t be back for another half hour at least. Every Saturday he went to Bobby’s auto shop to work on an old truck he and Bobby were fixing up. It wasn’t for a customer, but fixing trucks was hobby the two men shared.

Sam smiled when instead of his brother, Cas walked into the living room. “Hi Sam.” Cas smiled. “Dean is probably still out?” He asked and Sam nodded. Cas had been a constant in the house for the past few months. Even when Dean wasn’t around yet, he’d come to visit after his shift at the bakery was done. On Saturday he usually brought something from the bakery for the three of them.  
Sam nodded. “He is.” He said, before looking back at his laptop.   
Cas usually just made himself comfortable, get something to drink and reading a book or do something on his laptop on the living room couch. He was finally comfortable with using their house as a home.   
This time Cas kept standing, looking at Sam. Sam looked up again when he realized he was being watched. Castiel looked at him curiously. Sam figured why Castiel was looking at him like that. Sam couldn’t help feel a bit guilty. He knew Dean’s reaction to Sam dating Gabe was hard on Cas.   
Sam sighed as he closed his laptop and addressed the other. “I’m sorry Dean made you go home last night to check up on Gabriel.” He started, knowing Cas didn’t like to be involved in his brothers drama. Cas waved it away. “That’s not your fault.” He told Sam, sitting down at the table across him. “You know I have no problem with you and Gabriel,” He said in a mature tone that made Sam afraid of what was to follow. “but I do understand why Dean is so... Worried.” He said, choosing his words carefully. Sam looked at him a bit unsure as he continued. “Gabriel is just…” Cas sighed. “He can be a trouble maker.”   
Sam looked at Cas a bit frustrated. Cas noticed and gave him a half smile. “I know you don’t need to hear the stories and I don’t agree with the way Dean is treating this,” He paused and Sam could see the regret in his eyes. “but I told him stories that scared him off. I wouldn’t have if I knew this would happen, but they were all true.” He explained. Sam nodded, encouraging him to continue, even if he didn’t really want to have this conversation.   
Cas gave him a small thankful smile. “It’s not Gabriel’s fault, and I believe he has changed a lot in the few years, but when he had just come out, and when all he wanted to do was to make sure Michael knew Gabriel couldn’t be controlled, he had a wilder period.” Cas said the words so delicately, but Sam was pretty sure he got the gist of it. “It’s not up to me to tell you about that, but I have told Dean about it before.” Castiel looked at Sam guilty, looking at the floor as he continued. “You know, it was hard for me too, coming out…” Castiel suddenly said, surprising Sam by the focus on Cas himself. “I saw how they treated my brother after he came out. I saw what happened to him and how my family, well my oldest brother, tried to break him. I also saw the way he rebelled against it. I told Dean about it, not because I wanted to talk about Gabriel, I did it because I needed to tell someone about my fears...” He clearly felt guilty about making Dean so weary of Gabriel even though he seemed to have good reasons. “We all went through a lot and I needed to share the hurt, the grief. I never expected it to result in this.” His eyes started to tear up.  
Sam wanted to ask what it was that Gabriel did that made Dean so mad, and what had happened to make Gabriel do something like that, but he didn’t want to ask Cas and he knew Castiel wouldn’t want to share something like that, especially now that Sam was involved with Gabriel.   
Instead he asked on about Cas himself. He knew there was a lot of hurt in Gabriel but he had never dared to ask about it until now. “But, why did you come out?” He asked, looking at Cas’s face, trying to read his expression. “Why didn’t you just want to be like Charlie and Anna.” He genuinely wondered. They seemed happy together, and though it wasn’t ideal, it was certainly less cruel than some of the things he heard Dean tell about the way Cas was treated after he and Dean started dating. 

Cas smiled humorlessly. “Because I wasn’t going to let them push me like that.” He explained. “Really, I don’t blame Anna. I understand why she does it, but I… I’ve hidden it for long enough.” He told Sam, and Sam could see how strongly Cas felt. “I don’t need to hide who I am, even if my family thinks I do.” He told him. Sam and Cas were both to focused on Cas’s story to hear it when Dean opened the front door and walked into the hallway.   
Sam nodded at Cas’s story. “I would hate to be in that situation. “ He told Cas. “Being told you can’t be with someone.” He sighed.   
Dean halted as he heard the two talk. He knew he shouldn’t listen in, but he couldn’t help it, this was about Gabriel after all and he had to make sure he hadn’t done something to hurt Sam already. He stayed behind the wall listening as Sam continued.  
“I know Dean means well, and he definitely has his reasons,” Sam told Castiel, barely able to look at him. It was different from Cas’s homelife he knw that. He wasn’t being punished for who he was but for who he was with. “but that is what it feels like. He threatened Gabriel not to come over anymore and he did everything he could to make sure I couldn’t even sit next to him.” Sam reminded Cas. “I know it hardly compares to what you had to go through, but it’s still difficult. Dean has always tried to control my life, but I thought I’d at least get some freedom in my lovelife” He admitted. “I mean… I’ve seen him for four evenings now, that’s it. It’s not like I’m already sure about what I want.” He told Cas, realizing that, even though he and Cas had been friends for a long time they never really talked in depth about real stuff. Still, Cas seemed to understand what he was trying to say.   
“How can I be sure about how I feel for him, I barely know him, but… Every time I look at him.” Sam stopped, exhaling as he looked at Cas, his eyes were soft as he smiled slightly. Cas nodded. “You know…” Cas filled in, making Sam nod, his expression matching Cas’s.   
His expression slowly turned more sour. “But is it enough to get into a fight with Dean?” Sam wondered out loud. “I mean, I’m off to college in less than three months.” He contemplated. Cas nodded, following Sam’s line of though before weighing in. “If you want this it’s not going to be easy. I hate saying this, but there is a resemblance to how Dean is acting now, and what Michael did.” He told him. “I mean, Dean isn’t allowed at my place, they still think it’s his fault my soul is lost. Dean definitely blames Gabriel for how you feel, and he sort f told him not to come back.”  
Dean felt like he had been punched in the gut. To hear Cas, the man he loved, compare him to his older brother that had pretty much tortured Cas over being gay made him hate himself more then he imagined possible. He couldn’t stomach hearing more as he opened and closed the front door again and yelled hello like he had just gotten home. He walked into the room, pretending not to know what was going on.  
He walked up to Cas who shot him a guilty look. Dean ignored the added hurt of Cas looking at him like that and kissed his boyfriends cheek. “Hey babe.” He greeted him, trying t sound as natural as possible.   
Cas smiled sadly. “Hi.” He said, feeling guilty about comparing Dean to Michael. Dean pretended there was nothing wrong as he quickly grabbed the plastic bag on the dining table looking at the carton box in it, with the logo of Cas’s work. He opened it to see a raspberry pie inside. He smiled at Cas. “I knew there was a reason I was dating you.” He teased.   
Cas smiled and asked how it had been with Bobby. Sam showed Dean some of the apartments he found and they talked about what it would be like to go to college. They pretended Cas and Sam hadn’t just talked about how Dean was kind of recreating one of Cas’s most painful experiences, like Sam and Dean didn’t get into a fight yesterday about Dean suffocating him.  
When it got to around 2:30 pm Sam got up. “I’m going out.” He said, expecting Dean to turn angry or suspicious again, and the look he had made Sam think he wanted to. Still Dean swallowed his words and smiled, asking if Sam would be home for dinner, not commenting on where he’d be going. Sam told him he was unsure and left, surprised but grateful it didn’t turn into a fight again.

 

This time Sam was there before Gabriel. He felt nervous every time the doors of the coffee place opened. He was ashamed to admit he had chosen a place in the back of the shop, so no one would see them. He wasn’t ashamed, but he didn’t want anyone to start asking him questions. Not yet.   
When Gabriel walked through the door, Sam looked at him and smiled, waving him over. Gabriel took a seat on the chair across him. “Sam.” Gabriel greeted him happily, pulling him into a hug. Sam grinned. “Hi Gabe.” Sam said. “How have you been?” He asked. It was weird, but every time he saw Gabriel he had to remind himself it was okay that he had fallen for this guy.   
Gabriel smirked. “Since last night?” He asked. Sam grinned. “Since the interrogation…” He said, glad Gabriel had let him known he wasn’t to scared by Dean. Gabriel waved it away. “I’ve had way worse than Cas’s ‘interrogation.” He laughed using air quotes. “It’s nothing compared to Michael.” His laugh faltered but he quickly slipped back into his practiced casualness . “I’m sure Cas told you about him.” He asked.   
Sam nodded quickly. Gabriel sighed. “Well, Cas just came up to me last night, asking how it had been, and when I didn’t answer specifically enough, he asked how he should tell Dean it went.” He was clearly amused by the directness of his little brother.   
Sam laughed. “I still can’t believe he sent Cas home for that.”   
Gabriel shrugged. “I can. He just tries to protect you. Let’s not talk about our brothers anymore.” He suggested. “I want to talk about you. And about me obviously.” He teased.   
Sam smiled. “That’s a good one to start with.” He said. “Do you work somewhere?” He asked, realizing how little he knew about Gabriel.  
Gabriel shook his head. “Not anymore.” He said. “I used to work in the bookshop that was around the corner here.”   
Sam squinted. “The one that went out of business half a year ago?” He asked. Gabriel nodded. “Yes, so now I’m unemployed…” He was clearly unhappy with it. Sam looked at him with some pity. “I’m sorry.” He said. “Are you looking for a job?”  
Gabriel nodded. “I need one if I’m going to move out.” He told him. “I just found a nice apartment before they told me the bookshop would go out of business.” He said. “And I still have my father’s credit-score so I need a pretty big deposit when I want to rent a place, if I’m eligible that is.”   
Sam looked at him confused. “Why don’t you built a personal score?” He asked. “You can write your fathers score off if you give a good reason an fill in some forms.” Sam could see this was new by the way Gabriel’s eyes grew. “Really?” He asked in an excited way that Sam couldn’t help but find endearing.  
Sam nodded. “I’ll help you fill in the forms if you want.” He offered. Gabriel nodded. “That would be great.” He said excited. “Then I just need to find new work.” He huffed.  
Sam smiled. “I’m sure you’ll find something.” He told him.   
Gabriel nodded. “I hope so.” He said. “How about you, have you been looking for apartments at Stanford?” He asked, wanting to turn the conversation.   
Sam couldn’t hide his excitement for Stanford, trying not to think about how this would end them. “The scholarship will cover a huge amount of the living expenses, If I find something chaep it might cover everything.” He told him. “I’ve looked at some places before I got the letter, but now I can start really searching.” Despite the implications moving would have for them, Sam couldn’t wait for Stanford. He had worked for it so hard, and he didn’t want the excitement to boil down because of a crush.  
Gabriel genuinely seemed happy for Sam, but it was obvious he dreaded the day Sam would go. Sam quickly continued. “I mean, it’s going to be great. And I might come back on long weekends, and people can visit me.” He looked at Gabriel at those last words. Gabriel smiled. “Is that an invitation?” He asked, his smile turning into a smirk. “You do know it’s a five hour flight?”   
Sam squinted as he smirked. “I do… But how do you know that of the top of your head?” He asked with a suspicious smile.  
Gabriel rolled his eyes, trying to look like he wasn’t faced by the question, but his cheeks started getting red. Sam thought it was an unexpected kind of adorable. “Did you look it up?”   
Gabriel nodded. “Just curious.” He said a bit defensive. Sam grinned. “It’s okay. I kind of hate our timing…” He admitted. “I really like you, but it’s difficult, since I’m off half way across the land in less than three months.” He fidgeted with his hands unsure. Gabriel took Sam’s hands in his. “Listen. I agree. It kind of sucks that you’re moving away, but I’m really happy for you. I have to be honest, I’m not really someone that falls for people… But then there is you…” He told him, a bit doubtful whether or not he should even talk like that. “And since you have to leave, we will just spend the time we have together getting to know each other. Who knows, maybe we can try long distance, maybe we’ll find out we can’t. But let’s not make that ruin our last months.”   
Sam smiled. “That sounds like the a good plan.” He agreed, making Gabriel smirk. “I do love it when people agree with me.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may know I've posted this fic on here before, three years back or so. This is the last chapter I posted back then (before I reached a (still very basic) understanding of English). So after this I will start writing instead of just editing. I really wanted to publish the last old chapter before Camp NaNoWriMo starts, so that means an extra chapter this week.   
> And it's a long awaited one I guess, at least I've been looking forward to publishing it and hearing what you think.   
> Also I don't know a lot about creditscores, so don't look to closely at that...

Sam was fishing his keys out of his coat pocket, fiddling with them before he finally managed to pull them out. He looked at Gabriel with a distracted gaze, wondering how Dean would react if he saw them.   
“Are you sure you want to come in?” He asked him, his eyes slightly shifting.   
Gabriel nodded with a smile, and let Sam open the door. Sam didn’t care about dean lashing out at him. Dean was normally all bark and no bite to his little brother. Gabriel on the other hand. He was glad Gabriel said Dean wouldn’t scare him away. Still he took his hand as they walked into the house. They could hear the roar of the tv in the living and instead went into the kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink?” Sam offered. Gabriel nodded. “Just a water please.”  
Sam poured two glasses of water and handed one to Gabriel. He looked around knowing Dean could just walk into the kitchen at any moment.“How about we go to my room, so we won’t have Dean or Cas walking in to disturb us?” Sam asked, earning a smirk and an eyebrow wiggle from Gabriel. “You don’t have to ask me again to go to your room.” He teased and Sam rolled his eyes. “Are you always like this?” He complained playfully. Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. “You know I am.” He teased. He led the way to Sam’s room, knowing his way around by now. Sam followed him gladly and closed the door behind him when they were in.  
“So…” Gabriel smirked. “You got little old me all alone in your room…” He said, biting his own bottom lip, staring at Sam. “We both know what you want to do now…” He walked closer and wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist, leaning in to whisper into his ear. “Accounting.”  
Sam, who definitely wasn’t unmoved by Gabriel’s playful seduction couldn’t help but let out a surprised breathless laugh. He kissed Gabriel’s cheek before pulling away. “You know me so well.” He grinned and grabbed his laptop.  
He had no chairs or couch in him bedroom, so instead they sat on the side of the bed. Gabriel to Sam’s right and the few files he picked up sneakily at home to Sam’s left. Sam opened up credit score online desk and started on Gabriel’s paperwork.  
At first Gabriel had found it fascinating to watch Sam go through Gabriel’s papers like it was nothing, filling in numbers seemingly pulled out of thin air, though Gabriel could also notice Sam glancing down to the papers every once in a while. After a few minutes of watching Sam go through forms and questions, Gabriel started to get a bit bored. “Can I do anything?” He asked, trying to make sense out of the questions on the form. Some were straight forward enough, but some asked for information Gabriel had never even heard of, citing laws or regulation that didn't sound familiar in the slightest.  
“Can you find me the statement with 847nBx in the bottom right corner?” Sam asked, giving Gabriel something to do while he continued. Gabriel handed him the piece of paper, seeing Sam scan it before putting it back down smiling. He spent five more minutes typing before putting his laptop to the side. “Okay, I’ve sent in most of the primary forms. Now we just need to wait for them to be approved, fill in a few more things and your credit score will be pretty stable again. It’s not perfect, looking at your own credit card statements, but well enough to be able to rent some place without having to give a huge deposit beforehand.”  
Gabriel looked at him with big eyes. “Are you serious, you just fixed one of my biggest problems in under an hour?” He asked. He pulled Sam closer and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “You’re brilliant!” He told him as the kiss ended.  
Sam blushed. “It’s just something I helped a few people with before, it’s nothing really…” He assured Gabriel. “I’m just happy to help.”  
Gabriel wouldn’t have it and shook his head, his voice morphing into a serious tone he hadn’t heard from Gabriel yet. “I’m serious Sam. This can change my life, I can get out of that house and start my own life.” He said, staring out in front of him, still in disbelieve. Sam took Gabriel’s hand, squeezing it a little. He could see how much effect that statement had and in a soft voice asked “Can I ask you what happened?”  
Gabriel looked at him unsure, and Sam noticed his eyes getting a bit more puffy. “Are you sure you want to know?” Gabriel asked, the normally playful expression was completely lost as he took a deep breath, exhaling with closed eyes, holding on tightly to Sam’s hand. When he looked at Sam agin, seeing his encouraging expression he decided it was time to tell someone, to tell Sam. 

“When my father died I was 8.” He started, surprising Sam with the direct response. “My mother was already gone by that time, she left a week after Anna was born. One of my brothers later told me she had taken Anna with her in the first place, leaving a note saying she just wanted her for herself. A week later we found Anna, literally left in a basket on the front porch, crying in the rain.” He explained. “I have no idea why mom brought her back. To this day, I still don’t understand. All my mother ever wanted was a daughterand with Anna she got her biggest wish, but I guess she discovered that didn’t make her happy either.”  
Sam could barely believe how difficult Gabriel had had it up to that point, and they hadn’t even come Michael yet. He let go of Gabriel’s hand to instead put an arm around his shoulder. Gabriel looked up at him and the huff he let out stung a little. “If you think this is the sad part, I’ll have to disappoint you.” He said before continuing, barely moving into or away from the comforting touch. “Like I said, we only had dad to take care of us, but after mom left he just wasn’t the same. Nothing was. Dad couldn’t handle my mom’s disappearance. He developed some bad habits; he didn’t eat and he spend most of his nights drunk. He wasn’t an angry drunk at least, he was just numb. He didn’t care for us anymore,” Gabriel swallowed and Sam could tell he was fighting to keep his voice from shaking. “so Michael and Lucifer decided they would be the new heads of the family. Both meant well, but even though they were triplets, they diffeed like day and night.”  
Sam had never heard Cas mention Lucifer, nor the fact that Michael was part of triplets. Still, he let Gabriel continue. “Balthazar, the third of the pair never even cared for being the authority figure in the first place. But while the other two fought for dominance, he was the one that actually took care of us.” An other unknown to Sam, but he didn’t dare to ask about Balthazar, the look in Gabriel’s eyes told him he shouldn’t. Gabriel took a moment to recompose himself.  
”When dad started to get worse, Lucifer brought him to a clinic. That’s a big part of why we’re all in debt. We couldn’t pay the clinic, but he had to go there, it was his only hope.” Gabriel wiped the small tear that rolled down his cheek away with his sleeve. “It wasn’t enough though. By that time, he had destroyed his whole body beyond repair. He died within the first two months there.  
“Since Lucifer brought him there my father hated him in those last months, he didn’t want to be there. Michael always tells us that all dad did during his time there was praying for heaven, to re-join with mom when her time would come. According to Michael he told him on his deathbed to make sure all his children would enter the kingdom, so we could have a second chance at being a family. Everyone except Lucifer, he was doomed according to my father. At least that’s what Michael told us dad said.   
”Michael was with him every day for those months. Lucifer stayed at home and made sure we were all fed and went to school and Balthazar was there when we needed help with homework or when we needed to talk.” He laughed a bit, but Sam could hear the sadness in his voice. “He was mostly there to scare classmates, and on occasion teachers when we got in trouble with them.” Gabriel obviously cherished that memory, so the fact he hadn’t heard about Balthazar made Sam worry. Gabriel noticed and finally crept a bit closer to Sam, who wrapped his arm tighter around him.  
“Anyway…” He said after a he wiped away the tears that started falling freely from his eyes. “Michael banned Lucifer ‘like father would have wanted’ as he said. He was put out like a dog. No money, no help, nothing but the clothes he wore. We didn’t know until the next day and he never even tried coming back. I actually looked him up online some time ago. He’s in prison for theft and violence apparently. I haven’t told anyone at home yet, it’s not like opening up old wounds would help my family.” Gabriel looked away, feeling ashamed of his past. Sam stroked his upper arm, letting them both sit in the silence for a moment. He wiped away the tears that kept wetting Gabriel’s cheeks. Gabriel laughed bitterly. “I don’t know why I went to look for him. It’s not like anyone would be helped knowing where Luci found his hell. I guess if he had ended up okay, the rest of us could as well…” He moved away from Sam, drying his own tears. “I haven’t talked about this in all that time. And for some reason you just…” He stopped, not knowing what to say next. “Do you even want to know the rest, or am I to weird for you now?” He asked, crying. Sam moved closer and held him in a hug. Gabriel’s head pressed against his chest as he cried.  
Sam couldn’t help his own tears escaping as he saw the hurt Gabriel had carried for so long. “I don’t think you’re weird.” He promised. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”  
Gabriel nodded against his chest, his breath getting a bit more even. “I’m sorry… I just never talk about it.” He told him. “I… I’m not sure I want to tell you the rest of the story, of who I became…”  
Sam stroked his back. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but please know I won’t judge you.” He told him, since Cas’s story had led Sam to believe Gabriel had ‘acted out’.  
“I’m not sure that’s possible.” He said. “You’d have every reason to judge me, just like Dean does.” He tried to calm himself down before deciding to continue. “When I was around twelve I realized I liked guys. I… I knew Michael wouldn’t accept it, so at first I just told Balthazar.” He explained, pulling away from Sam’s chest, trying to ignore the tearstains on Sam’s shirt and the fact that Sam himself was crying as well. “He told me it was okay. To be myself and not to care what Michael or anyone else thought.” Gabriel said, the same bitter smile playing on his lips. “But he did tell me not to tell anyone just yet, because he was sure we had be tactful in telling Michael, and we should do it when I would be older. That might have been better… But instead Michael walked in while me and a guy from school were kissing in my bedroom. It was just a kiss, honestly, but Michael reacted like I was sticking the bible up his ass.”  
Even though the sentence itself sounded funny, Gabriel sounded desperate, sorry almost. Sam wiped away a few more tears from Gabriel’s cheeks. He didn’t say a thing, but waited for Gabriel to catch his breath and continue.  
“He stayed up with me the whole night, making me pray to god and beg for forgiveness… The next day I told Balthazar, who told me I should never believe I was wrong. Balthazar, he…” Gabriel swallowed deeply, stopping to wipe his by now completely tear covered face. “He cared for me.”  
The past tense made Sam wonder, but he didn’t ask about it, not wanting to interrupt.  
“I… I never really listened to Michael, or at least, I didn’t want to.” He explained, then halted. “I… I shouldn’t be telling you this.” He said, looking at Sam. “You won’t like it.” He said, moving away from Sam. Sam caught his hand, but Gabriel pulled it back. “Don’t.” He warned, making himself as small as possible, still seated on the side of Sam’s bed.  
Sam stopped finding contact. “I’m sorry.” He said in a soft voice. Gabriel wouldn’t look at him as he continued, no matter how much it hurt and no matter the consequence he knew he needed to tell someone the truth. “The year’s after that I made sure I did everything Michael would hate. I met up with strangers, old guys, disgusting old men…” He said, his voice like venom. “What I did in that period…” Sam tried to reach out, but Gabriel moved away from the touch.  
“I was letting whoever wanted to, touch me, use me.” Gabriel’s voice sounded distanced, like he wasn’t talking about himself anymore. All the emotion that drained from his voice was no longer showing in his face either. He was staring at the floor, his eyes still puffy and his cheeks wet, but his eyes were blank as he continued.  
“When I was seventeen, Michael stopped me as I came home from one of the parking lot meetings. He dragged me up the stairs, to talk. He was furious, said the whole neighbourhood was talking about what a whore I was. He said he had followed me and seen what sinful acts I had committed.   
“We were in his bedroom when he got violent. The room had a large walk-in closet, that he had already emptied for me. I had a mattress a bucket and a bible. Before I realized I was looking at my new room he shoved me into it and locked me in there. Helocked his door every day even when he was in their himself, making sure no one would come in there to accidentally find me. I hoped someone would find out and break through the door, but no one could hear me when I yelled out from that small room in the attic.”  
Sam’s eyes grew wide. He had no idea what he could do to make it better, how he could comfort someone that had fallen so far.  
“I stayed in there for two months. At first I tried to escape when he brought me food, but soon enough he cuffed me up, making sure I wasn’t able to. He told my brothers and sister I was in a conversion clinic.” Gabriel finally glanced at Sam still keeping the distance between them. Sam’s face was filled horror, making Gabriel regret his confession. “Please don’t tell Cas and Anna I wasn’t.”  
Sam nodded, realizing that meant Gabriel still hadn’t told them where he really was back then, he probably never told anyone.  
“Michael let me out on the 4th of November.” He told him, not wanting to talk about his time in that room anymore, about the demons that haunted him in solitude. “The day Balthazar was cremated.”  
That explained why Castiel had never brought him up, Sam realized after hearing he died.  
“Castiel found him, hanging from the ceiling of his bedroom.”  
Sam looked at him disbelieving. “You mean he..?”  
Gabriel nodded slightly. “Castiel told me he found a note. Apparently the only reason Balthazar held out this long was to protect me from the monster Michael had become. So because he thought I was gone and there was no way he could safe me from conversion therapy” Gabriel’s voice got desperate again. “He never knew I had been locked up there for that whole time.” He explained.   
“After that I was allowed to be free again, this, in Michael’s head must have been to redeem him He couldn’t twist this story and my brothers started to see the monster Balthazar had described in his letter. Michael told me to keep quiet about where I had been if I wanted to stay free. Like I would ever want to tell my brothers about what had happened. I didn’t want to scare them. Instead I told them I had been in some conversion clinic and no one really dared or wante to ask about it.” He sighed bitterly.   
Sam looked at Gabriel, who didn’t look back at him, but pointedly avoided his gaze. “He told me I still wasn’t allowed to sit or eat with the others, because he knew I was still full of sin and he didn’t want anyone to think I could be a nrml part of the family. I spend most of my time in my room and had a curfew when I went outside. Not that I ever really did, I only went out to work, and then went straight back home.  
“I didn’t really talk to anyone outside of the bookshop and I made sure not to act on any feelings Michael wouldn’t approve off. Instead I became numb, my only goal being to safe uo and leave home so I could finally start living my life. That is, until Cas told me he was gay as well.” He said, shaking his head. “I remembered what Balthazar had told me when I came out to him, but I couldn’t tell Cas not to be afraid, I knew there was a good reason to be scared. I told Cas to keep it hidden, like I was doing, but he still told Michael. He is the only reason I didn’t walk out when I could.”  
Gabriel raised his head a bit. “When I stopped grieving and started feeling again, I wanted to leave. But after Cas told I didn’t just want tleave and find something for myself. I wanted to find an apartment for the two of us and take him away, Anna as well when I found out about her.” He said, looking at Sam. “So I started working extra shifts and saving up, but like I told you, the shop closed… And the rest of it you know.” He told him. Sadly, staring at the papers next to Sam.   
Sam looked at Gabriel with disbelieve. He had never seen Gabriel this small, this fragile. “The only reason Michael lets us come here is because he thinks it’ll keep us from following Balthazar. H believes gayness can be cured, but suicide is a trip straight to hell. He has enough reason to fear it, I guess. Neither of us is happy there, but there is no way out, and we can’t just leave Anna there alone.” He admitted. He looked at Sam, fear becoming evident in his eyes when he saw the way Sam looked at him. “I told you, you wouldn’t see me in the same way after knowing what I did, knowing how my family thinks and acts.”  
Sam shook his head. “I’m not sure what to say, I can’t imagine what that was like.” He said, his hand going through his hair. “I wish I could help you.” He told him.  
Gabriel shook his head. “You can’t. You can’t fix me. I’m broken Sam.” He said, his voice soft. “I know you mean well, but… I know you are dealing with your own stuff, I can’t blame you if…” Sam interrupted Gabriel by grabbing his hand. “Gabriel.” He said, glad to notice him not pulling away. “I have to be honest, this shocked me, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” He promised. “You didn’t deserve this, any of this… I can’t believe you had to carry this burden on your own.” He said, stroking Gabriel’s hand with his thumb. “Have you ever told anyone about..?”  
Gabriel shook his head. “I couldn’t. It’s better that no one knows.”  
Sam wasn’t sure about that, but nodded. “I won’t tell Cas, but I do think you need to get out of that house.” He told him. He looked around his room. “I know it’s not big, but maybe you can live here for some time…” It wasn’t like he was ready to live with Gabriel yet, but he couldn’t just sit back and do nothing.  
Gabriel shook his head. “I told you. I can’t leave, not while Anna and Cas still live there.” He said firmly. Sam understood. “Can you at least stay here tonight?” He tried, seeing how much the question surprised Gabriel. “Do you still want that?” He asked unsure. He thought Sam just pitied him when he asked him to move in, but it seemed Sam wanted to continue with him. He nodded softly. “Thank you.” He answered, moving against Sam again silently, pushing his weight against him softly until they were both lying on the bed. Sam held Gabriel in silence as they lay completely clothed on top of the sheets, not caring about their shoes dirtying the sheets. They slowly drifted off into a slumber, exhausted after the emotionally draining conversation.  
\------  
Downstairs Dean and Castiel had started cooking. It turned out Dean had picked up quite a lot of skills after taking care of Sam. Cooking was definitely the one he enjoyed the most. He had gone from macaroni with a side of ketchup to an almost full-blown chef, though pasta was still his favorite to make.   
He and Cas were almost done in the kitchen, so Dean went to see if Sam was home yet to join them.  
Dean walked up to the bedroom and knocked softly. Normally when Sam was in his room he was on Netflix with earplugs in, so when the soft knock didn’t do anything Dean opened the door, looking into the room. It was fully lit and showed Dean his brother, lying on the bed and holding Gabriel. Both of them dressed to Dean’s surprise, and the protective way Sam held Gabriel made Dean wonder what had happened. Sam had started waking up when Dean knocked and now opened his eyes a bit confused, not remembering he fell asleep. He saw Gabriel all curl up against him and smiled softly before realizing the sound that had woken him up had been a knock. He looked at the door, seeing Dean standing there, clearly not sure what to say.  
He didn’t seem bothered by Gabriel this time, instead he looked at them with small sense of compassion. Sam looked at Dean a bit annoyed, wondering what he wanted. Dean realized he was just looking at them. He realized he shouldn’t wake up Gabriel if he didn’t want to piss of Sam. Instead he just gestured as he mouthed “Do you want to join us for dinner?” at him silently. Sam thought about it, they hadn’t had dinner yet, and maybe it would be nice to have a meal with the four of them, as long as Dean would behave normally. He nodded and Dean gave him a thumbs up before closing the door again.  
Sam stayed in place for a few more moments more, looking at how peaceful and happy Gabriel looked. He softly started stoking Gabriel’s back, hoping the touch would wake him up slowly. Gabriel let out a small content sound, snuggling against Sam more before slowly opening his eyes and looking up at the other. “What time is it?” Gabriel asked, a bit disorientated, but perfectly happy the way he was.  
“I think it’s around 6?” Sam answered a bit unsure. “IDean just asked if we wanted to join for dinner.” He hoped Gabriel wouldn’t mind. Not just because Sam was stating to get hungry, but because it seemed so nice, so domestic to just eat with the four of them. Gabriel smiled with a nod and kissed Sam softly. Sam kissed him back, stroking through his hair. When they broke apart again he looked at Gabriel, whose tears had dried. He could barely believe this was the same fragile man he held before they closed their eyes.  
Gabriel grinned. “I know you like looking at me.” He teased, in a way Sam knew by now. “But I’m starving.” Sam pecked his lips quickly before sitting up in bed. He realized this was Gabriel’s way of saying he was done with the pitying, and Sam could understand that. So instead he just joined Gabe in acting like nothing had changed for now. “Good, because I smell tomato-sauce, and Dean makes a mean pasta.” He told him. They got out of the bed and when they got to the livingroom Cas was already setting a table for four.  
“So, did you talk Deanyboy into letting me eat here?” Gabriel asked, his joking tone barely disguising the need for a real answer. Cas shook his head. “He told me you were joining us after he came back from Sam’s room.” There was a pride in Cas’s tone that was endearing to Sam.  
Dean walked in with a big pot filled with spaghetti in tomato-sauce. “No one should be denied the pleasure of my cooking.” He smirked. He put the pot down and looked at Gabriel. “Besides, I guess you’ll be hanging around here a lot, I might as well get used to it.” He smiled and Gabriel smiled back at him. He knew this was a sort of peace-offer. He bit back a snarky remark and nodded. “I hope so.” He answered truthfully.  
Sam was more than a bit relieved Dean seemed to have changed his mind about Gabe. He wondered if it was something Cas might had said after their talk this morning or if it had to do with the way Dean found Sam and Gabe in the bed, seeing he had a softer side as well. Whatever it had been, Sam was grateful.  
Dean sat down as Cas filled everyone’s plate. Dean dug in at once, and with a full mouth asked Sam how the house search was going. Sam had forgotten about Stanford, and from the corners of his eyes he could see the way the question hit Gabriel as well. Sam just shrugged, not wanting to think about leaving for now. “Still looking, why?” He answered after a bit. Dean’s face fell as he looked at the two of them, realizing he fucked up again. But he had a good reason to ask, since he had good news.   
“Well” Dean looked at Castiel, taking his hand. They both smiled as Dean continued talking. “Cas and I talked about it today. You’re right, he’s almost always here anyway…” He admitted. Castiel nodded with excitement. “So Dean asked me to move in.” He told them, excited to tell them. Sam smiled widely. “That’s great, congrats!” He told them both. Gabriel was giddy with happiness and Sam could see him trying to suppress it. He understood why Gabe was so happy now, he had been hoping for Cas to get out. “And uh, well we’ve been thinking about your room…” Dean started. “We thought maybe Charlie wanted to move in as well, since we can split the rent between the three of us then.” He explained. “That way she can move out of that terrible little one room flat.”  
Sam smiled happily. He started to get a bit more excited about leaving again, knowing the positive effects it would have on his brother and their friends.

Sam was glad when the rest of the dinner continued without any fights. Dean didn’t seem as mean spirited as he had once been. It was clear he still had to get used to the idea of Gabriel being a part of Sam’s life, and if Cas told Dean about the way Gabriel used to be before the ‘clinic’, Sam understood in a way, but he was glad Dean seemed to no longer judge Gabriel in the way he had before. It made him hopeful, thinking everything might work out.


	11. Chapter 11

After the dinner with Cas and Dean, Sam and Gabriel settled on the couch. When Dean sat down next to them after he and Cas were done cleaning the dishes Sam looked at him carefully, wondering if the whole nice guy act had already come to an end. It would be to good to be true, he figured. Of course Dean would keep putting his nose where it didn’t belong and disturb the two of them just sitting together. Instead of scolding or prying Dean smiled at them. “Cas and I were about to go to the movies, you two wanna join?” He asked, more to Gabriel then to Sam. It was an obvious olive branch, but one Gabriel was more than willing to take. He looked at the oldest Winchester, trying hard to hide a grateful smile under a mask of indifference. “What movie?” He asked, glancing over at Sam to take in his expression and see if he was okay with it.   
“Black panther.” Cas smiled as he walked in from the kitchen, the dish towel still flung over his shoulder. Gabriel looked at Sam with a hopeful look Sam couldn’t help but find endearing. “I have been wanting to go see it.” He admitted. Sam smiled with a nod. “Good, we’ll join you.” He told Dean, who didn’t look displeased in the slightest. Sam had the urge to ask what had changed his mind about Gabriel, but he opted for just being happy something had. 

Dean drove the four of them to the movies with Castiel in the passenger seat and Gabriel and Sam in the backseat. Gabriel reached over to grab Sam’s hand and instead of Dean scolding them or giving them a warning look, Sam actually noticed a smile on dean’s lips from the rear view mirror.  
Sam smiled as well, squeezing Gabriel’s hand. A double date with his brother was not something he ever thought they’d have, let alone with two brothers. Granted he’d never thought he’d have a date with a man either so the whole thing was pretty unexpected. “I’m so excited for you all to see black panther, it’s so good.” Sam admitted. He had already seen it, but decided to go along for Gabriel’s sake. Plus, he wouldn’t mind seeing it again. Gabriel grinned. “Are you one of those nerds that goes to every Marvel movie twice?” He asked in a teasing tone. Sam laughed, trying to hide that he was a little offended and a little embarrassed.   
“They’re good movies.” He argued, laughing it off. “And I just enjoy the stories.  
“You’re still a nerd.” Dean grinned from the front of the car, making Gabriel smirk. Castiel rolled his eyes at the banter. “Not sure if you two teaming up against Sam really betters the situation.” He laughed, glad his brother and boyfriend finally seemed to get along. Sam crossed his arms, seeing Gabriel pout when he pulled his hand away from Gabriel. “I agree.” He laughed.   
“No you don’t Sammy, you’re glad we’re picking on you instead of on each other.” Dean grinned as he parked the car near the cinema.   
“As long as you’re quiet during the movie I’ll live.” Sam replied, as they entered the building. The only squabble left was between Gabriel and Sam, about whether or not the popcorn should be salted, which Sam thought was ridiculous, since salted popcorn dries mouth and doesn’t even taste good, while Gabriel argued that sweet popcorn tastes like paper, covered in wet oily sugar that spend to much time in the sun. Sam laughed at that graphic and strange description, but still opted for the sweet popcorn for himself and a salted one for Gabriel. It would have been romantic to share a bucket but he would not step down on this. 

After the movie finished, and Sam was done explaining the significance of every single moment in the movie, they got back to their car.   
“Could you drop me off at home?” Gabriel asked Dean, making Sam eye him curiously. “You could stay over.” He offered, not looking to see how Dean would react to that invitation. Dean stayed quiet as he and Cas got into the car to give the two some privacy.   
“Listen.” Sam said after he heard the car doors shut and he knew Dean couldn’t hear him. “I know Dean has reacted unfairly about this in the past, but something seems changed. I’m sure he’d be okay if you-” Gabriel shook his head. “It’s not about Dean.” He interrupted him. “I just need to go home. I’m sorry.” The guilt in Gabriel’s eyes bore into Sam, making him compliant. He sighed but nodded. “It’s okay.” He gave in, before hopefully adding. “See you tomorrow?” regaining a smile from the smaller man. “Tomorrow.” He agreed before opening the car door and getting in.   
“Okay, where too?” Dean asked as he started the engine, seeming not judging the two for their private talk.   
“To mine if you don’t mind.” Gabriel was thankful that not even Castiel turned to ask why he wanted to go home alone instead of coming back to the apartment with them.  
“Course not.” Dean nodded as he drove off, the car ride suddenly very silent. When Dean stopped in front of Cas’s and Gabe’s home Gabriel kissed Sam quickly, just a soft peck on the lips. “See you tomorrow.” He told him before going into the house, not looking back at the car. 

Dean turned around. “You’re seeing him again tomorrow?” He asked with a smile Sam couldn’t quite place. “You two are getting serious.”  
Sam crossed his arms in a sigh. “And you don’t like it… I know.” Sam told him. He had been so relieved at Dean’s sudden change of heart regarding Gabriel, but he was afraid he’d see it crumble again in no time. To Sam’s surprise Dean shook his head. “It’s not that.” He told him. “I just didn’t expect you two to be like this, definitely not so soon. Though you always were a sucker for love and stuff.” He added with a teasing grin.  
Sam rolled his eyes. “So no more ‘he just wants to have fun’ or ‘he’s only going to break my heart’?” Dean shook his head again. “It’s more likely you’ll break his.” He said, not noticing the way that made Cas’s face crumble. “I mean you’re going off to Stanford and he’ll stay behind.” He explained. Sam looked at Dean incredulously, realizing Dean wasn’t looking back at him through the rearview mirror. “Yeah I know.” He admitted. “But it’s not time to think about that yet, a lot can happen in three months and I don’t want to miss out on anything now, just because it might be over soon.”   
“Always the wise man.” Dean said in a loving tease. Castiel who had been silent for most of the ride finally spoke up. “So it will end when you’re off to college?” He asked, his voice flat. Sam shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe… I mean I’ll be a five hour flight away from him.” Sam couldn’t help but sound sad. “I don’t think that can survive a relationship, or whatever, with someone I met two months ago.”   
Cas nodded solemnly. “It is pretty new I guess.” He admitted. The silence that followed the conversation sat awkwardly in the car until Dean pulled into their driveway. “Here we are.” Dean announced, if only to break the silence. When they walked into the house Sam wanted to go straight to his room for a moment of quiet.   
“Sammy.” Dean called softly as Cas went to the living room, seemingly understanding that Dean needed a moment alone with Sam. “I just wanted to say, y’know… I guess he’s not that bad after all.”   
Sam looked at Dean in a mixture of bemusement and confusion. “Are you apologizing?” He asked, lifting his eyebrow. Dean rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m just saying I won’t be so hard on him okay.” He said, looking at Sam with a guilty look. 

Sam smiled at him softly. “Thanks.” He said as he walked up the stairs. When he got to his room, alone for the first time since he and Gabe talked about his past he could feel himself starting to tremble, before he even realized why. Gabriel had gone through all of that alone, and until today no one even knew. It was so unfair and he felt scared, thinking of Gabriel in that house, with that monster he called a brother. 

Sam sighed as he started up his laptop, wanting relax a little before bed, maybe scout some apartments, but he couldn’t concentrate. All he could think about was what Gabriel told him and why he had chosen to share that much. Though they were… Something… In reality they barely knew each other. And this was so deeply personal.   
Then Sam realized Gabriel had no one else to tell. He wouldn’t tell Cas or Anna and he had told Sam he spend most of his time alone since his isolation. Sam wondered if that was why Cas had brought him along in the first place. Gabriel was lonely, probably more lonely then even Cas knew.   
Sam wanted to tell him Gabriel would be okay. That Sam was there and so would Charlie be. Even Dean seemed like he was okay with Gabriel. But Gabriel hadn’t even wanted to come along.   
Dean… Another though crossed Sam’s mind as he realized just how much Gabriel had risked and just how much it must have hurt him to be thrown out of the apartment for basically the same thing he had always been punished for. The only difference was that Michael thought he cared to much about man and Dean believed he cared to little. Still he had chosen not only to ask Sam out but also to come back to the home he was kicked out of. Sam knew that took courage 

 

Downstairs Dean and Cas settled down on the couch. “You realize that soon this will all be yours as well.” Dean grinned as he put an arm around Cas’s shoulder.   
“You realize that that means I’m throwing out all those framed pictures of cowboys.” Cas grinned, making Dean huff. “Hey, if I knew you were going to be like that I would found a way to pay the rent alone.” He told him, making Cas laugh. “So rent is all I’m good for now?” He asked with a lifted eyebrow. They both knew that Charlie movie in would be more then enough to cover half the rent. Dean turned to look at his boyfriend and grinned. He put a hand on his cheek, drawing him closer before kissing him. “I can think of a few other reasons I want to keep you around.” He grinned, getting a shove from the other. “That’s not the answer I wanted to hear.” He contorted, barely able to keep up his offended face. Dean grinned. “What? I meant housework.” He laughed as Cas crossed his arms. Dean crept closer again. “Oh come on, you know I love you.” He smiled, making Cas’s arms fall to his sides again. “I love you too.” He smiled, kissing Dean’s lips briefly but sincere enough to break the air of playfulness that surrounded them. “In all honestly, I’ve wanted this for so long. Just to wake up together every morning… To fall asleep in your arms every night…” Dean’s eyes softened but he pretended the words ricocheted off him as he grinned. “You’re not getting cheesy on me are you?” He laughed, making Cas smile back at him. “You know you love it.” He countered.  
“I do.” Dean admitted. “Why do you always make me feel so mushy Castiel.” He sighed and Castiel’s heart fluttered. He loved it when Dean used his full name, especially in a statement like that. “You make me mushy too.” Cas grinned kissing him again.   
Dean grinned at that. “Good” He said with another kiss Cas’s lips before they broke apart again. “Sorry I didn’t ask you to move in sooner, I should have gotten you out of that house sooner.” He admitted. The dread in his stomach had been building all day. Cas waved it away smoothly. “It’s fine, you had your reasons and it’s probably for the best like this anyway.” He figured. “I mean, we both have to be ready for this, it’s quite the commitment.” He said, taking dean’s hand in his. “And I’ve doubted about it in the past.”   
This made Dean look up. He had always believed he was the one that kept Cas from moving in, he hadn’t even considered Cas might have had objections of his own. “You have?” He asked, barely recognizing his own voice in the soft shaking sound that left his lips. 

“Dean… It has noting to do with you.” Cas promised after seeing the fear in Dean’s eyes. “I just… If this doesn’t work out, for whatever reason… I’m alone. Michael still thinks I belong to him, I am his to save, but when I leave… He won’t take that burden back…” His words sounded so matter of fact-ly it drove Dean mad. He could kill Michael for how he had made Castiel feel. “I can’t survive on my own, I never learned.” Cas continued. “If anything would happen, I’d be damned.”   
Dean sighed heavily, wanting to comfort his boyfriend but finding there was be comforted, Castiel was fine. “But I decided not to worry anymore.” He explained. “I’m not saying we’ll be perfect, I’m not even saying we’ll last, though I hope so…. But even if we don’t, there will eventually be a point were Michael gives up on me and I’d rather not just wait around and let my life pass by until then. Even if my brother doesn’t approve, I love you and that’s what matters.” He told him.   
A pang of guilt hit Dean at the last sentence as he realized this could have easily been something Sam said to Gabriel, maybe Sam even inspired Cas to feel this way. Dean’s mind went back to the overheard conversation again but he shook his thoughts away. “I’m happy to hear that Cas.” He smiled. “And for what it is worth, I won’t let you be alone, okay. No matter what happens, I won’t let you get hurt.”   
Castiel just smiled sadly as he pulled Dean closer. “Thank you for what you did for Gabriel today.” He muttered against Dean’s chest as he took hold of the remote. Dean just let out a soft sigh as he closed his arms around Cas, scooping him fully on his lap and looking at the other fondly. He didn’t answer as the tv sprung to life. They watched television until Cas fell asleep against Dean. Though Dean was big, Cas definitely wasn’t small. Still, in the peaceful slumber Cas looked like the most delicate small and breakable person Dean could imagine. Dean woke him up gently after about half an hour, not wanting to startle him. He took his hand, leading them to bed before helping him undress and tugging him in before getting ready for bed himself and sliding in under the blankets next to him. It always fell on Dean to tuck Cas in and it always fell on Cas to wake Dean up again. Dean reckoned he got the good end of that bargain as he watched the almost angelic man that had already fallen asleep again on his chest. He played with his hair absentmindedly, running his fingers through the locks as he muttered sweet praises that felt to personal to tell Cas when he was awake.   
After Dean had seen what losing the love of his life had driven his dad to become he had promised himself he would never let anyone make him that weak.   
After seeing Cas’s sleepy form, his head resting on Dean’s heart and his chest moving up and down in tune with Dean’s he knew that was a promise he had broken, and he didn’t regret it in the slightest.


	12. Chapter 12

The days Sam and Gabriel spend together were marvelous. Together with Dean and Cas, they had a pretty domestic life for the first month. They never talked about Dean’s inherit defensiveness and after a while things settled down. The only thing eating at Sam’s brain were the lonely nights. He didn’t need to be glued to Gabriel day in, day out. He was fine with not seeing him for a few days and just texting instead. But it hurt that when Cas retreated to the room he and Dean now shared, Gabriel would go home and leave Sam to go to bed alone. The only exception were the Thursdays were Anna, Charlie, Cas and Gabriel would all stay over. Sam had wanted to ask why that was, but the answer was pretty clear. He was afraid. His own fear of Michael was nothing compared to the fear he held for his sister getting hurt by the monster that was their brother. 

Sam looked at Gabriel who was still asleep in Sam’s arms. Since these moments were rare he had decided to skip his run on Friday mornings. Instead he wanted to sleep in with Gabriel. He combed his long fingers through the others ruffled and uncombed hair, finding a solace in the feeling of the wave of tiny strands tickling his fingers. Gabriel blinked awake slowly before curling up against Sam, his natural body heat making Sam want to stay in bed with the man all day. “Good morning.” Sam whispered, his voice strangely sentimental as he stared into the eyes of the man he had fallen for. Gabriel looked at him unsure. “Something wrong?” He asked, the sleepiness of his voice not masking the worry that seeped through. Sam stopped the combing motion of his hand to instead move his fingers over Gabriel’s cheek. His thumb dragged over Gabriel’s lower lip before Sam continued, softly. “I wish you were here more.” He admitted, feeling guilty about it the moment the words had left his mouth. Gabriel’s face fell as he pressed a kiss to the thumb that lingered by his lip. “Me too.” He admitted, his tone matching Sam’s.  
“I know why you can’t,” Sam said with a mixture of regret and guilt. “I don’t blame you.” His hand trailed down to Gabriel’s neck, over to his shoulders, then his sides, the body still radiating warmth under the blanket.   
The silence hung heavy in the air as they both felt the weight of the conversation pressing down on them slowly, getting heavier with every sigh or movement. 

Gabriel was the first to break the silence, though he didn’t lessen the strangling feeling both tried to ignore. “I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon.” Another wish that went unfulfilled.   
Sam felt another kind of guilt setting in on him, though this was only his to bare. No matter how much he enjoyed being with Gabriel, he had worked for Stanford his whole life and nothing, not Gabriel, not Dean, not even Bobby could make him wish for one more day away from that. He hated thinking like that, he even whished he could feel the same. But he couldn’t give up his dream, not even momentarily. He kissed Gabriel softly, whishing he could apologize for something Gabriel didn’t even know Sam felt.   
They lay in a silence that slowly grew comfortable as Sam stroked Gabriel’s side softly. They still hadn’t defined what they were and even though the word boyfriends felt foreign to Sam, he liked it a whole lot better than the alternatives. Partner was too vague and lover felt way too specific. Whatever they were Sam knew it was serious. Serious enough for Gabriel to tell Sam his life story and serious enough for Sam to introduce Gabriel to one of the most important people in his life, Bobby.   
He hadn’t really told Bobby about Gabriel yet. He had told him about Gabriella, but that didn’t count. Of course Bobby most likely already understood what was waiting for him after Sam and Dean invited him to dinner with Castiel and Gabriel. Sam had wanted to tell Bobby but each time he tried something came up. He figured the dinner might be the best way t break it to Bobby, even if it was the same way Dean had told Bobby about Cas.  
Sam let out a happy sigh as his hand halted and he looked at Gabriel again, taking in all his features. “I can’t wait for you to meet Bobby.” He suddenly told him, making Gabriel smile again. “I’ve heard about him from Cas.” Gabriel admitted. “He seems like a good man.” Sam agreed with a peaceful smile. “He’s like a father to me.” He told Gabriel, his voice soft.   
“You never told me about your parents.” Gabriel realized and Sam sighed. “There’s not a lot to tell. Mom died, dad left and Dean brought us to Bobby, that’s my life in a nutshell.” He explained. Gabriel saw the uncomfortable way Sam looked and decided not to press it. Sam slowly stared unwrapping from the smaller men, placing a kiss on his temple. “I have to get ready for work.” He told him before heading to the bathroom.   
When he was finished he joined Charlie and Anna in the livingroom for a bit, letting Gabriel fall back asleep in his bed. Charlie greeted Sam excited. “So today is the big day?” She asked. When Sam looked confused she rolled her eyes. “Bobby meeting Gabriel…” She clarified. Sam smiled and nodded. “Yeah.” He sighed. “Big day indeed.”   
Anna grinned. “Gabe at an official ‘meet the family’ dinner… That’ll be quite the sight.” She teased. Since she started coming along more regularly, Anna had started becoming a lot more open and though she was still very polite and thankful to be invited, she was far from the nervous girl she seemed to be at the start.  
Charlie laughed. “Gabe is charming, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” She said, more to calm Sam then to counter Anna. “Besides, Bobby is a great guy and he and Cas get on just fine” She grinned. “I’m sure he’ll like Gabriel just as much. It’s that Novak charm that everyone loves.” With that she pecked her girlfriends cheek. “I know I do.”   
Anna smile, but her eyes peered at Charlie mischievous. “As long as you’re talking about me and not my brothers…” She teased, making Charlie laugh. “Oh I wouldn’t. Besides, I hear both of them are taken…” She laughed back. Sam let out a laugh. “Should I be worried?” He asked, playfully raising an eyebrow.

At that moment Cas walked in with a curious face. “Worried about what?” He asked as he walked closer to join in on the banter. Anna laughed louder as he entered. “About what you and Charlie get up to.” She answered, elbowing Charlie.   
“Which is?” Cas asked, his face a mixture between confused and amused.   
Charlie just grinned. “A whole lot of trouble.” She answered.   
Sam smiled as they continued with their joke, leaving Cas to guess what was going on. Sam hadn’t expected his life to ever feel this good, this much like he was part of a big family. All of them laughing and joking in the early morning.   
He was sure he’d miss that. He quickly grabbed his back, not wanting to leave yet, but not wanting to be late to work either. “Well, I’m off to Bobby,” He announced. “Cas, you and Gabriel will take care of the food for tonight, right?” He checked, glad to see Castiel nod. “Yeah I’ll be sure to wake him up before noon so we can go grocery shopping.” He promised with a smile, making Sam chuckle. “Great, thanks.” He left the house quickly hopping on his bike to go off to work.   
Bobby greeted him with a smile outside the office. “Hey, how are you, and how is Gabriel.” He lifted a knowing brow, making Sam blush. “Uh…”  
“You know, I really don’t know why both of you felt like you couldn’t tell me about this stuff, I mean Gabriella..?” He laughed. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of Dean, but you didn’t think I wouldn’t connect the dots, did you?”   
Sam rubbed the back of his head. “I know. That’s why I wanted to invite you; so you could meet him.” Sam explained. “And in fairness, I wanted to tell you earlier. I just had to come to terms with it first.”  
Bobby shot him a soft smile. “So who is this Gabriel in reality?”   
“He… he’s Castiel’s brother.” Sam explained, making Bobby huff out a laugh. “Should have figured with those names.” He admitted. “Well, good on you Sam.” He clapped the other on the back. “But have you thought about how you’ll deal with this when you’re off to Stanford. I mean, dinner… You must be serious about him.” Bobby knew what he meant to the boys and he knew they weren’t just inviting their boss over. This, to the Winchesters, as well as to Bobby, was a ‘meet the family’ kind of meal, and it was important to all of them. “Listen, it’s nice that you found someone but don’t let that hold you back from achieving your dreams.” He reminded him. “You’ve worked to hard for that.” Sam nodded through the lecture. He knew he shouldn’t sacrifice Stanford for a guy he met two months ago and he would definitely go, but the thought of losing Gabriel still made him sad. If they found each other sooner, if their circumstances changed they could go together, but it was way to soon to move in together and there was no way Gabriel would leave Anna behind, not even for Sam.  
“I know Bobby. Stanford is my dream… We’re going to try long distance I think… I don’t know, we never really talked about it.” He admitted. “But I am going to Stanford.”   
“Good.” Bobby told him with a sigh. “Now let’s get to work.” He smiled, leading Sam into the office.   
The day went by quickly and at 5 Sam, Dean and Bobby headed to Sam and Dean’s apartment for dinner. When they got there the plates were already set and the house smelled of spices. Dean walked over to Cas to kiss his cheek as soon as they entered the kitchen. “Smells good.” He told him, before peeking into the pot on the stove. Sam just smiled as Gabriel walked toward Bobby to shake his hand. “Robert Singer.” The older told Gabriel as he shook his hand. “But call me Bobby.” Gabriel smiled his most charming smile. “They call me Gabriel.”   
Sam couldn’t help but laugh at how adorably nervous Gabriel was being. He tried to pretend he wasn’t but to no avail. Bobby seemed to notice as well and tried to calm him down with his softer smile. It worked slightly, but Bobby’s resting face kept making Gabriel wonder if he was doing something wrong. Sam took Gabriel’s hand in his after they had both finished eating in an attempt to calm him down. Once Bobby was finished the interrogation started. “So, Gabriel.” He asked, looking at the older Novak. “You and Sam are dating or what?” He asked, his bluntness catching Gabriel off guard.”   
“Uh…” Gabriel looked at Sam as he tried to find the words. “Yeah we are.” He answered after a brief second, which made Dean quirk an eyebrow. Bobby ignored it and continued. “And you know he’s leaving soon?” Sam looked at Bobby, his eyes pleading. Gabriel looked at Sam again but Sam nodded. “He knows.” Sam just stated, squeezing Gabriel’s hand. Bobby’s intention was good, Sam knew that. Still he wished he hadn’t brought it up. Bobby smiled again at that. “Good.” He said softly. “I know it’s none of my business what you two get up to, but Sam belongs at that school.” He pressed on. To Sam’s surprise Gabriel sat up straight. “I know.” He said. “I’m sure he’ll learn to help a good load of people there. He’s helped me out as well.” Gabriel explained. Sam smiled softly but Bobby wore a full on grin. “Then you know this is best.” He concluded. “Good to see you agree.” He voiced, the tension and hard lines completely fading. Gabriel nodded intensely. “I don’t want Sam to miss an opportunity like that.” He told Bobby, making Sam irk. “I’m right here, and it’s still my decision.” He reminded them. “And like I already said, I’m choosing to go to Stanford, of course I am.” He said, shooting a look at Bobby. “But at least the two of you get along.” He said to lighten the mood and make both men smile.   
Sam then looked at Cas and Dean. Dean was still happily eating his third portion of the stew Cas and Gabe made while Cas looked back at him with a look of what Sam was sure was pity. Dean noticed the look and chimed in. “Don’t worry Bobby.” He said with his mouth still half full. “Don’t think anything could get a nerd like that to not go to college.” He laughed before swallowing the bite down. “Besides.” He said, wiping his face. “At the rate those two are moving I’m pretty sure Gabriel will follow him to Stanford if he isn’t careful.”   
Sam looked at Gabriel from the corner of his eyes. It was a nice, though unrealistic though. Gabriel wouldn’t leave home.   
Cas shoved Dean in a way he thought no one could see and it was clear he wanted to remind Dean of something.   
Sam wondered if the two of them had talked about how Gabriel never stayed over. He squeezed Gabriel’s hand again as Bobby rolled his eyes.   
“I get that all of you are blissfully unaware of your surroundings, but it’s really annoying that you all keep communicating in silence.” He let out. “Don’t think I don’t notice things, boys.” He grinned at himself. “But you really should just learn to talk. There is definitely something that’s going on that I’m not getting, but I don’t need you all around me pretending everything is fine when you’re definitely also showing it isn’t.” He said. “Now either you let it out now or we start with desert.”   
Everyone was taken aback by the sudden comment except Cas, who got up at once. “I made a peach and a key lime pie.” He told them before hurrying to the kitchen to get it.  
Gabriel got up as well, muttering something about needing to help him before he vanished as well, leaving Bobby alone with Sam and Dean. Sam shot Dean another look as Bobby tried to hold back on commenting about their silent communication again. Dean shrugged. “What? The two of you have been inseparable, you know, most of the time.” He said. “I’m sure you’ve already talked about him going off with you?” The statement sounded more like a question and Sam sighed. “Actually no. Gabriel doesn’t want to move away at the moment and I’m not sure moving in with a guy I’ve been dating for four months is the smartest plan when starting college.” Sam retorted. Dean stayed silent for a second. “So… You will probably end it then?” He asked with a voice that Sam barely recognized. “Damn… I didn’t know that Sammy.”   
Bobby shot him a look before smiling over to Sam. “Can’t you just chat online?” He asked, quickly shutting his mouth as Gabriel and Castiel walked back in with two pies and desert plates. Gabriel looked somber and Cas’s expression became unreadable as he kept his eyes on Sam. 

Gabriel was the first to break out of it and smile again. “So, who wants peach and who wants lime.” He asked, the forced happiness in his tone becoming more obvious when Sam looked into his somber eyes. He realized their conversation hadn’t been as private as they thought it had been. Bobby was the only one to play along with the cheeriness Gabriel tried to portray. “I’ll have a slice of peach.” He said with a smile. Dean caught up and ignored how obviously they were overheard and instead put on a big smile. “I’ll have a piece of both.” He told Cas. Castiel sighed but gave Dean a piece of each. Gabriel settled down next to Sam before serving Bobby his slice. Sam took a piece of key lime himself. So did Cas as Gabriel served himself a slice of peach pie. Dean told Cas how great the pies tasted and Bobby had to agree. Castiel let his glare fall and instead smiled at the compliments, telling them what he did different this time. The only ones silent were Gabriel and Sam, both of them staring at the meal in plate in front of them.   
Sam was the first to look at Gabriel again. He looked so sad, Sam just couldn’t bare it. Gabriel looked back at him when he noticed he was being watched. He smiled again, and again it didn’t reach his eyes. Sam took his hand and Gabriel’s smile dropped, but he wouldn’t let go of the hand. Sam squeezed it and he squeezed back again. Eventually they got out of their bubble and noticed the rest of the table had gone quiet, looking at them.   
Bobby spoke up after a long silence. “If you two need to talk…” Sam was about to thank Bobby when Gabriel cut in. “We’re fine.” He told him, his voice wasn’t hard, but still very conclusive.   
Sam looked at him before nodding to Bobby. “We’re fine.” He repeated. Bobby look at him with a raised eyebrow but smiled. “Okay.” He simply said, getting back to his meal, but still glancing over at the two of them every so often. Gabriel let go of Sam’s hand to eat as everything slowly seemed to settle back down except for the undeniably tense atmosphere.   
When they were all finished Bobby got up with a satisfied smile. “That was nice, we should do this more often.” He concluded as he grabbed his coat. Dean got up as well to let Bobby out. Normally Bobby stayed after dinners and they’d all have one of the good whiskeys that were stacked away in the back of the liquor cabin, but tonight wasn’t one of those nights. “It was nice to meet you.” Bobby told Gabriel. “And Sam, I’ll see you Monday.” He gave Cas a last smile before following Dean to the door. Dean let him out, leaving Cas with Sam and Gabriel. Cas looked suspiciously at Sam again and Sam felt to uncomfortable to mention it. When Dean returned he looked at Cas. “How about we let them clean up.” He told Cas. “You still have to show me that thing.” Dean said. Sam raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment on how blatant that lie was. Castiel followed him quietly but Sam could feel he was still suspicious of Sam. 

When Gabriel and Sam were alone Gabriel really looked at Sam. “Sorry… I knew you’d leave… I just never realized that that was the end…” He sighed. “I should have known, but you’re right. We probably won’t last long distance… I mean, we’re not exactly going walking the smoothest course, are we…” Gabriel realized. “First Dean who thought I’d be bad to you, then Bobby who thinks I’ll make you stop chasing your dream, I’m pretty sure you pissed Cassie of just now, and soon, you’ll be at uni.” He sighed as he got up to collect the plates. “Seems like the universe doesn’t want us together.” He sighed.   
Sam looked at him. “We’ve had some bad timing-” Sam tried but Gabriel cut him off. “We’ve had some bad everything, Sam.” Gabriel countered, spitting the words. “We…” He tried to calm down. “We just won’t work Sam…” He said, the tears in his eyes building. He left the plates on the table as Sam got closer to wrap his arms around Gabriel. The tears now flowed freely but he didn’t hug Sam back. “I won’t work.” He told Sam, his voice defeated. Sam rubbed Gabriel’s back as his own tears fell. They stayed like that until Gabriel’s loud gasps turned into soft quiet sobs. Gabriel sounded defeated. “I just don’t want to let go of this that soon.” He said in a small voice. Sam kissed the top of his head before pulling back. “I’d like to try holding on to this.” He admitted. Gabriel looked up him, truly broken. “But you said…” He said, his voice trailing off. Sam sighed. “I know…” He admitted. “I mean, I want this, but I didn’t know if you wanted to keep it up if we would barely see each other.” He trailed his hands through Gabriel’s hair like he had done that morning. “Do you think we can do this?” He asked softly, leaning his forehead against Gabriel’s and looking into his eyes. Gabriel smiled at him. “We owe it to ourselves to try.” He concluded and Sam smiled in agreement.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Put the kiddies to bed cause there is some smut in this one. If you don't want to read it, I put a ~ before and after the scene so you can skip that bit.  
> Two side notes, 1 I thought I was making them to emotional but based on the last episode, hot dang I was wrong, and 2 I am interested in writing more, fanfiction as well as regular fiction. I'm still looking for beta readers that are willing to put some time into helping me. If you love reading, I'd love to hear what you think, so please tell me if you want to help me by beta-ing!

The boxes in his room looked foreign to Sam. Gabriel had offered to help him pack and Sam had just seen it as a fun day together, but now that he was looking at the boxes that his room would be reduced to, he started to dread packing. His whole life would go in boxes and he’d only take the bare minimum to his new room. He had promised to leave the furniture for Charlie but the rest would be stored, sold off or donated. Most of his books, memories of his childhood, dumb gifts that he hadn’t had been able to throw out, they would all be gone and he wouldn’t see them for at least 4 years. He unfolded the first box, unrolled the first bag and opened his suitcase. Gabriel would be there in half an hour, which gave him just enough time to sort through his closet and see what he would take with him, what he would store and what he could donate. 

 

When Gabriel rang the doorbell Sam was just done with sorting through his closet. It looked weirdly empty without his plaid shirts and his hoodies. Gabriel joined him after they had a drink together. They decided the bookcase was up next and quickly established a system where Gabriel would go through the books reading the titles and asking Sam what he wanted to do. Sam would then sort them into a box for storage, a box for goodwill or his into suitcase.  
“You sure do have a lot of books about space…” Gabriel commented amused. “You think of going somewhere?” He grinned.  
Sam smiled. “I used too.” He admitted, taking the book from Gabriel. He sat down on the bed to look through it and Gabriel joined him. He looked at the pages as Sam flipped through them. Sam lingered on the images of earth taken from space. “What kid didn’t want to be an astronaut.” He sighed. Gabriel laughed. “I wanted to be a fireman.” He admitted, still looking at the pages.  
Sam smiled. “You wanted to spend all day saving people .” He commented, more to himself then Gabriel, though Gabriel smiled at that. “A kid can dream.” He sighed. “But this looks far above the reading level of a 10 year old, even a genius 10 year old.” He added in a tease.  
“You’d be surprised at that.” Sam countered. “But yeah being a lawyer is pretty a new idea. I wanted to be an astronaut for ages.” He admitted. “But then, when we moved to Bobby’s and I saw Dean work on the engines of cars every day with a passion I just couldn’t muster I slowly realized I just wasn’t an engineer. I never felt that passion for mechanics. I wanted to help people, that was when I felt passion.” He smiled fondly. “So I focused on becoming a lawyer. I mean I like exercising but quitting the regimen I upheld to become an astronaut felt good.” He remembered getting up at five to start working out when he was 15. Gabriel squeezed his arm, touching nothing but muscle. “Sure feels like you are still in top physical shape.” He countered with a grin.  
Sam still blushed at Gabriel’s little compliment on his body. Gabriel noticed and continued. “I’m going to miss the feel of those muscles.” He rubbed his hand over the arm softly. He moved in closer to kiss Sam. “Those lips to.” He said in a muttered voice when they broke apart again.  
~  
“Gabriel.” Sam let out in a breathy sigh before he kissed him again. Gabriel smirked and moved to straddle Sam, grinning sadistically before nibbling at his ear. “What is it babe?” He asked in a low whisper. Normally Sam hated those little nicknames but the way Gabriel said it made the hair on his neck stand up. Sam kissed his neck, so softly and passionately he could feel the shiver it gave Gabriel. He dragged his lips over the skin, undoing the top button of Gabriel’s shirt slowly. Gabriel craned his neck, letting Sam kiss his shoulder as the second button went. Gabriel let out a soft moan as Sam moved one of his hands to hold his waist under the shirt and tank top Gabriel was wearing. He undid the third button and pulled down the wife beater to his Gabriel’s chest. Gabriel’s hand found a place in Sam’s hair as the other settled on his arm, moving Sam’s hand down to undo the next button. Sam took his sweet time to cover every new exposed piece of skin in soft loving kisses. He continued until he had exposed as much of Gabriel’s torso possible with his top still on and the open shirt still hanging loosely. Gabriel moved his hands so the shirt slipped from his shoulders, falling on the bed. When Gabriel tried to pull at Sam’s t-shirt Sam pulled his hands away and looked into his eyes.  
Sam didn’t matter now. He wanted, needed to worship Gabriel’s body. Gabriel moved the hand back into Sam’s hair and kissed him instead as Sam’s hands roamed his body. Sam went back to kissing the others skin. He pulled Gabriel closer before rolling so the older man was under him instead of on top of him. Gabriel’s upper body was supported by the bed while his legs hung off the sides. Sam moved down his body methodically. When he got to his stomach he looked up to see if Gabriel was okay with it as he started undoing his trousers. Gabriel let out a shaky nod as he realized what Sam was doing. Sam swallowed hard. Despite them going on a lot of dates and spending a lot of time together, they had never gotten this far and the experience was completely new to Sam. Still, he slowly tugged the jeans lower, kissing Gabriel’s thigh all around the briefs he was wearing. The skin felt hot against Sam’s lips and it was enough to make his breath catch. The silent moans and wanting gasps floated around the room. Sam let his hand roam Gabriel’s thighs before gently taking the last piece of clothing off.

He looked at Gabriel again and nerves and arousal came together and sprung from his face as he moved a hand to Gabriel’s manhood. He kissed the pubic bone and Gabriel could feel the tenseness of Sam with every touch. He wanted to say it was okay, that they didn’t have to if Sam wasn’t ready, but the words got caught in his throat as Sam’s lips pressed against his balls. He looked at Gabriel once more before closing his eyes and taking in the feeling completely, kissing up his shaft the way he had kissed down Gabriel’s body. Gabriel let out breathy moans that made their way to Sam’s ears, sounding like a melody.  
Sam kissed the tip of the length, sliding his lips down slowly until he could taste the salty tang as he let the now hard member slide over his tongue. Sam moaned softly and opened his eyes to look at Gabriel again, the sight of the other coming undone by the attention made him shiver. He took Gabriel deeper, still getting used to his mouth being filled like that. He felt Gabriel’s fingers back in his hair, softly encouraging him to continue. He bobbed his head slowly, going off what he liked himself to pleasure Gabriel and he could tell it worked. Gabriel started letting out Sam’s name, the word sounding more like a mantra. 

Sam rubbed himself slowly in tune with pleasuring Gabriel. It felt good to see the other this fully turned on. He felt Gabriel’s cock twitch and moved back, finishing with his hand as he placed sweet kissed all over Gabriel’s burning skin. He earned a groan from the other, flowing over in a loud moan as he reached his climax.  
When the other came Sam watched him come undone even further. Gabriel pulled Sam back on the bed again, pulling him in a deep kiss as he opened up Sam’s trousers and wrapped his hand around Sam’s member, stroking him to completion through the kiss. They ended up panting loudly against each other’s shoulders.  
When they came back to reality Sam looked at Gabriel with a wide smile. He seemed different, more beautiful that Sam remembered, even in in his sweaty breathless state. “Shower?” He asked with a grin, feeling none of the nerves he had expected to follow their being intimate. Gabriel nodded. “God that was hot.” He let out, still feeling his skin tingle in all the places Sam had kissed it. Sam agreed with a breathless nod. He took Gabriel’s hand and lead them to the bathroom, thankful that Dean was at Bobby’s and Cas was at work. They showered quickly, the passion still lingering, but hurry adding to the equation. They needed to finish packing before Sam’s goodbye party would start. Sam would fly out the next morning so this was the last day they had.  
~  
When they got back to packing the atmosphere had changed dramatically. They had never really gone that far and it had a big impact on Sam. He knew they’d come to a point where he would be intimate with Gabriel beyond some lewd grabbing, but it was so much more than just a body to admire. This was love. Lust played a factor but it was only spurred on by the love he had felt for the man under him. 

Now every time he looked at Gabriel he grew a bit more sure he was in love. Gabriel handed him the last books, smiling at him every time their eyes met. Sam closed up the box as he put the last book in it. He looked over the boxes and sighed. “It’s weird.” He said absentmindedly. “It’s like my life is in these boxes. I mean, some of these books I’ve had from when I still lived with my father. And now, I won’t be able to see them for four year. Gabriel put a hand on his shoulders and Sam’s lips quirked into a laugh. “I’m okay, don’t worry. It’s just weird, that’s all.” He shrugged. Gabriel smiled down at him. “Let’s move on to your desk, okay?” He asked, patting Sam’s shoulder before moving to the desk. Sam knew Gabriel only said it to keep Sam’s mind from spiraling over the consequences of the empty room. Maybe it was even to keep Gabriel from having the same doubts and fears.  
He first held up the picture of John and Mary. “Do you want to bring this to Stanford?” He asked and Sam nodded softly. “It’s my parents on their honeymoon.” He told Gabriel with a fond smile. Gabriel smiled back at him. “You look like your mother.” He said after examining the picture. Sam smiled at that. “Thanks.” He smiled, putting the picture in his suitcase after carefully wrapping it in an old t-shirt.  
They went through the old notebooks Sam kept in his desk together. Gabriel smiled at how neatly they were all organized. He had wanted to see them to discover what kind of doodles the other did when he was in school but they were all clean and in order. “Oh god, so you’ve just always been a nerd?” He asked as he opened an older looking notebook and still finding no imperfections.  
Sam laughed, snatching the book out of Gabriel’s hand and putting it in the paper bin. I liked to learn.” He shrugged, a teasing grin on his face, matching Gabriel’s. “You should be happy that I like learning new things.” There was a definite blush on his cheek but he didn’t care. Gabriel smirked. “I guess you’re right… And there’s so much more we can learn.” He wiggled his eyebrow. Sam kissed Gabriel’s cheek, purposefully innocent after their not so innocent comments. “How about we first get this ready for the goodbye party?” He asked, his eyes staying on Gabriel’s. Gabriel’s eyes glimmered. “If that’s what you want…” He shrugged, pretending not to care.  
They cleaned out the rest of the desk till Sam’s room was filled with boxes and garbage bags.  
Sam had already sorted the boxes into storage and goodwill. They decided to go to good will first, handing over the books and clothes and a few trinkets Sam no longer used or wanted. After that they went to Bobby’s.  
Bobby had offered to store the boxes since there was a lot of free space in the workshop. Bobby greeted them happily and Dean slid out from under the car he was working on.  
“Need help?” Bobby offered, hitting Sam’s shoulder. Sam shook his head. “Thanks but it’s only a few boxes.” Bobby smiled and looked at Gabriel. “Good to see you again.”  
Neither Bobby nor Gabriel really seemed to linger on how the last time they met ended. Then again, when it did both of them had also acted like nothing was wrong. Gabriel looked back at Bobby with a smile Sam had started to call the “angel smile” in his head. He used it whenever he wanted to make a good impression and Sam was glad Bobby fell into that category.  
Though it wasn’t Gabriel’s normal smile, the angel smile never felt fake to Sam, even though Gabriel had a little naughtiness shining through in his normal, one sided smile, the innocent good guy smile was just as real and sincere and Sam couldn’t decide which one he liked more. 

After they put the boxes in one of Bobby’s spare rooms they took a break with the four of them. Again Sam reflected on how much he’d miss the little things like the feeling of being at Bobby’s. His fatherly gaze and the way Dean seemed to be the perfect son whenever he was there. 

When Sam and Gabriel got back home they started preparing the party. It was nothing big. Had had debated inviting a few people he talked to every now and again but decided against it, this was his chance to say goodbye to the people he loved most. Bobby, Dean, Cas, Charlie and of course Gabriel were a given and in the last few weeks Anna had joined the group seamlessly.  
Charlie insisted on speeching as soon as everyone had arrived. She climbed up on her chair, helped by Anna who was slightly worried she’d fall and who danced around her, ready to catch her at a moments notice. 

In Charlie’s speech she talked about how they had all seen Sam grow from a little insecure nerdy boy to a grown less insecure nerdy man. About how much he earned it to go off to college and how much happiness she wished him. Then she started talking about how he would miss out on going through the full traditional college experience now that he had decided to start dating just before college and how because he was such a nerd he’d probably never get in with the hating homework memes. When she finished everyone clapped and Sam lifted her down and pulled her straight into a hug. She gestured over to Anna who had taken a small wrapped box out of her bag. “Listen Sam, you know I would give you the world if I had the money,” She told Sam as she took the box and offered it to him. “but since I’m only a part time bartender the best I can give you is your world.” She explained and handed him the gift. When he unwrapped it he discovered a small photobook. It was filled with stories about him and pictures of everyone in his life. Sam pulled her into an other hug. “I love it.” He told her with a happy voice.  
After that Bobby cut in. “Sam. Me and Dean have got something for you as well but I ain’t getting up on the chair.” He said, earning a few chuckles. “I will say this though. I remember when the two of you showed up at my doorstep. You were just children and you had no where to go. Though you are taller then me, and a whole lot smarter, to me you are still that boy from back then.” He looked around, noticing the way everyone listened at his speech and sighed. “Do I really need to say more? The point is, I’m proud of you and have always been. I don’t care if you’re grown, if you need help you call me, okay. Family sticks up for each other. And you and Dean, that’s all the family I need.” He looked on, not sure how to end, but Sam pulled him in to a hug. It was brief, but it still made both man smile. “Now for your present,” Bobby continued. “This is from both Dean and me.” He handed Sam a credit card. “It’s your college fund. 

Sam looked at it speechless. When he finally found the words to respond Bobby shut him up by continuing. “We always knew you’d go off to college.” He explained. “Since that very first day, when you told me you had to find a new school if the two of you were going to live with me.” He smiled at the memory. “Now, with your scholarship and this, you might have minimal dept at the end of college.” Sam was curious how much money was on it but he didn’t dare to ask and it was far from the most important thing on his mind. Bobby and Dean had been saving up for him for god knew how long. They had always believed this day would come, the idea overwhelmed him. He looked at Dean who smiled back at him. “Yeah, you should have known I was saving up for you when you were just a bratty 16 year old, might have treated me with a little more respect.” He said, his arms crossed but his eyes giving away a laugh. Sam pulled both men into a hug, once again at a loss for words. When they pulled back Sam looked at the card again. “Thank you guys… I have no idea what to say… Just thank you.” Dean smiled and messed up his little brothers hair. “Oh it’s not just a gift Sammy. If I ever get in legal trouble I need a good and free lawyer.” He told him. Sam grinned as he straightened his hair with his fingers. “Good to know you see me as a solid investment.” He responded, earning another muttered “Nerd” from Dean. Cas stepped forward next smiling at Sam. “Sam.” He started in his deep but kind tone. “I want to say you’re like a brother to me, but that’s not exactly right. You are something that I value beyond you being Dean’s brother and being the person I have lived with since I moved in here. You’re a friend.” The words sounded meaningful, like friend was a stronger bond than brother to Cas. “I’m delighted to see you chase this opportunity, though I’ll miss your positive jokes and insightful comments.” He told the other. “But I don’t have to miss them too much. I looked at the schedule and break system at Stanford and got you this.” He handed him a plane ticket. “This will leave during thanksgiving break, the day after your last class. It’s not just a gift to you, it’s a gift to everyone. We all want you back here as soon as possible.” Sam looked at the ticket. Of course Cas made enough money at the bakery but a ticket like that was expensive. He hugged the smaller man tightly, still trying to deal with all the love and effort that went into each gift. The room slowly fell quiet and everyone started looking at Gabriel curiously. Gabriel looked at the ground. “I uh… I know it’s not much but I though it might be nice.” He said as he ran to the hallway to retrieve his bag. He grabbed a box, wrapped in old newspapers. “I Forgot to buy wrapping paper.” He explained. On the newspaper he had written “I’ll love you, but this’ll make me mis you less.” Sam looked curious at the text and unwrapped the box carefully, not wanting to tear the message up.  
When the newspaper came off a high quality webcam and microphone were revealed. “You said your laptop wasn’t really made for skyping or facetiming because you chose for a good processer instead of a good webcam.” Gabriel explained, fidgeting with his hands. He looked uncomfortable, like he wasn’t sure this was a good gift, but Sam took his hands to stop them from fidgeting. “Thank you Gabriel.” He said before pecking his lips. “It’s perfect.” He smiled, looking at the old newspaper. “I love you too.”  
Gabriel blushed and smiled. Something made him nervous or shy, Sam realized. He lifted Gabriel’s chin an pecked his lips again before realizing they weren’t alone. He turned to the room, now blushing as well. “Thank you all so much. You almost make me feel bad about leaving.” He sighed, though there was no sadness in his voice. “Then again, it’s just four years, and I hope I can come back every summer break, every thanksgiving or Christmas, maybe during spring break.”  
Charlie laughed at the promise. “Oh god really, I mean this was nice and all but I really thought we were getting rid of you for good.” She teased.  
Sam shook his head and chuckled. “You know you love me.” He told her and she grinned. “Still…” She countered. Sam just laughed as he brought the gifts to the kitchen to make sure no one would spill something on them. He was still holding the paper that had been around Gabriel’s gift. He smiled as he read the text again and ripped the first part of text from the paper and put it in the pocket of his jeans for safe keeping.  
As the party went on and Charlie even whipped out some of her bartending skills, making them all cocktails. Dean and Bobby stuck to Whiskey but the others gladly drank the sweet and sour mixes. Bobby went home around twelve, leaving the others to continue the party for a bit. When it eventually died down a little Sam helped Charlie bring the cocktail glasses to the kitchen as Dean helped Cas to bed.  
Sam looked at Gabriel and Anna as he walked out of the room. They didn’t really look alike at first glance, though it was clear that they were brother and sister. Gabriel acted different around Anna, like he had to hold back a little. He wasn’t protective in the way Dean was, but he was still always looking out for her. Every time he looked at her you could see the love he felt for his little sister. Sam started to think about it, slowly realizing that what he and Anna had was special. Gabriel was protective of Cas as well, but not in the way he wanted to protect Anna.  
Sam wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that her mother kidnapped her when they were little, or whether it was about Anna’s sexuality still being unknown to Michael or maybe it was just that she was the youngest and the only girl. What ever it was, Sam was sure Gabriel would give his life for Anna if he had to. 

When he lingered to long in the open door, Gabriel looked at him confused. Sam blushed and scrambled. “Uh… Yeah, that were all the glasses right?” He said, pretending like he was looking around the room. Sam was grateful that Gabriel just brushed it off and continued his conversation with the youngest Novak.  
Sam quickly brought the glasses to the kitchen. His eyes fell on the presents again and he smiled. Charlie grinned as moved next to Sam and looked at the webcam Gabriel had given him. “You do realize he wants you to put on a show now, right?” She asked, her eyebrows raised. Sam rolled his eyes. “Can you get your mind out of the gutter for one second?” He asked, though with a gentle laugh.  
Charlie shook her head with a laugh. “What? We both know you two can’t do the freaky when you’re a five hour flight away. Do you really want to keep all that pent up for when you’re visiting.” She put an arm around Sam’s shoulder. “Cause I don’t know if you realize this, but your room is mine after tomorrow, so if you’re gonna be staying over, it’ll be on a living room couch.” She then added with a mischievous grin, patting his shoulder before pulling back. “And I’m not sure Dean will appreciate walking in on that in the early morning.”  
Sam was grateful that the others were still in the living room and probably couldn’t overhear them because he did not want to see the look in Gabriel’s eyes at that suggestion. He looked at Charlie, unsure if it he should open up to her. “Well if it does end up like that…” He started, willing himself to continue. “That’ll be the first time.” He didn’t know why, but he had to get it out. It didn’t bother him per see, but it felt weird that they had never been that intimate despite how close they had grown. 

Sam regretted admitting it as soon as the words were out but Sam wouldn’t ignore it no matter how much he wanted her to. “So you mean you two never…” She didn’t finish the sentence and to Sam’s surprise she didn’t even wiggle her eyebrows or make some rude gesture. She just looked surprised. “Never thought either of you were the blushing virgin type…” She grinned “Well you maybe.” She admitted, succeeding to make Sam smile. “It’s not that.” Sam explained. “We never really had the chance and now…” He sighed. “Like you said, not a whole lot of opportunity left.” He looked sideways, not wanting to look at Charlie directly. Charlie just nodded. “Well you shouldn’t do it, just to do it.” She told him. “It’s fun, sure, but I’m doubting whether that is what either of you want. And I get that it’s sort of a bummer to not have shared that with him, but who cares, if you love each other, it can wait, right?” She asked in a more quiet tone, not wanting the others to overhear them. Sam nodded doubtfully. “Besides, Gabe’s birthday is around summer break, you can always surprise him with a little get away.” She suggested.  
Sam nodded. “You’re right. Really you’re the best Charlie.” He told her, happy to have finally talked about it. Charlie grinned. “I know I am.” She said with well deserved pride.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam woke up that morning with Gabriel in his arms. He was still tired but the alarm told him they should really be getting up now. He kissed Gabriel awake, smiling as the other one stirred before opening his eyes. It felt weird to know this was the last time he’d wake up next to Gabriel, even if they didn’t sleep together that often.   
Gabriel looked at Sam and kissed him back. “Don’t wanna get up.” He protested, realizing this was the day Sam would be leaving. Sam smiled softly and kissed Gabriel again. “Don’t you want to come along to the airport?” He half teased, kissing Gabriel again. Gabriel sighed. “If I don’t get up, does that mean you won’t leave?” He asked before another kiss as his hand found its way to Sam’s hips. Sam grinned. “You know we don’t have time for this.” He argued, but pulled Gabriel into a passionate kiss. Gabriel kissed him back, softly biting his lower lip and dragging it up which Sam couldn’t help but love. 

When they broke apart again Sam sighed heavily, stroking Gabriel’s cheeks and looking deeply into his hypnotizing eyes. “I need to go.” He told his love as he reluctantly untangled himself from Gabriel before getting out of bed. Gabriel followed with a pout, but a lot faster than Sam had expected. 

After getting dressed they walked into the living room, finding Anna, Charlie and Cas already setting the table. Dean was still in bed, but according to Cas he would join them in a minute. Cas smiled as he looked at Charlie. He could clearly see how happy she looked. This was a day of changes for her as well. When Sam would be in the plane, taking him away from this place, she would be in his room, unpacking boxes and settling in.

“So Sam,” She asked with her usual smile. “You ready for your adventure?” She asked, the genuine excitement in her eyes was contagious. Sam nodded. “I’m really curious to see my new apartment and I can’t wait for class to start.” He held up his hand, stopping Charlie’s teasing before it began “I know, I know… I’m a nerd.” He chuckled. “I’m just a bit unsure about the dinner at the dean’s.” He continued. “I mean, there’ll only be ten people there so it must be something special They’re supposed to be the best and the brightest, but I’ve hardly done anything special.” He thought out loud. “I’m mean I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He shrugged. “Anyway, what about you?” He asked, matching her smile. “Are you ready to leave the luxurious privacy of your tiny apartment?” He asked as he grabbed a piece of toast.   
Charlie smiled. “Can you imagine my room will be big enough to dance in?” She exclaimed. Cas chimed in. “Are you sure that’ll be worth living with me and Dean.” He asked with a teasing grin.  
Dean’s voice sounded from the hallway. “How dare you, I’m a delight.” He protested as he walked into the living room and joined the breakfast table. “You should be weary of Cas though, he snores.” Dean grinned and Charlie looked at him unimpressed. “I’ve stayed over often enough to know that it’s you that’s snoring,” She countered. “Besides, that aren’t the nightly noises I’m worried about.” 

Cas blushed but Dean just grinned. “I’ll just apologize in advance then.” He teased than commented on the walls being thick enough. Sam stayed quiet, just listening and enjoying the banter. Though living with Dean hadn’t always been his favorite thing, he was sure he’d feel a bit lonely when living alone. Gabriel stayed quiet as well, which surprised Sam. Gabriel lived for their banter. Sometimes it seemed like Gabriel just really liked his own voice, but Sam had watched Gabriel when he was making jokes and he always looked the happiest when he was able to make others laugh.   
After breakfast Sam said goodbye to Charlie and Anna. He noticed Charlies voice almost breaking in their last hug, when she told him to do everything she wouldn’t do. After that he got into the car with Dean, Cas and Gabriel. The car was to crowded to fit all of them so Anna and Charlie stayed behind to clean up breakfast and move in Charlies stuff.   
When they got to the airport Sam was the first to get out of the car. As he did he saw a plane overhead that had just taken off and he realized he would soon be taking off as well. This was it, just a few more hours and his new life would begin. They walked towards the gate where Dean pulled his little brother into a tight hug. “You listen Sammy. You’re going to kick ass okay? You know you can do it, we all know that. So you go an show them what a Winchester can do.” The brothers had faced every hardship in their life together and no matter how often they bickered they were thick as thieves   
“You take care of Bobby.” Sam answered. “And you better keep me update on how things are.” Dean nodded, squeezing his little brother once more before letting go. Sam looked at Cas who instantly moved in for a hug. “Cas. You watch out for Dean for me, okay?” He told him. “Don’t let himself get into to much trouble. And watch out for yourself as well. I’m really going to miss you.” He ended. When he pulled back Cas smiled at him and Sam could feel a sense of pride beaming off him. “You’re going to have a great time at college because you deserve it.” Cas clapped his shoulder before quickly making room for Gabriel, who was already close to tears. Sam didn’t care that both their brothers and all the strangers at the airport would see as he kissed him deeply before saying anything. He could feel their cheeks getting wet and realized it wasn’t just Gabriel that was crying. After a brief but meaningful kiss they ended up with their foreheads pressed together, looking into each other’s hazy eyes.   
“Gabe I’m going to miss you.” He let out with strained voice as a hand found it’s place against Gabriel’s cheek after wiping a wet tear away from it. Gabriel let out a desperate sound, fighting not to full out cry in the middle of the airport.   
From the corned of his eyes Sam noticed their brothers walking away a bit, giving them a fabrication of privacy in the crowed hall. Gabriel struggled to speak but finally managed. “I can’t believe I won’t be able to hug you and hold you and kiss you.” He let out, his hand finding Sam’s free hand and intertwining their fingers. Sam let out a soft strangled sigh. “It’ll only be until thanksgiving break.” Sam said, partly to comfort Gabriel and partly to comfort himself. Gabriel pulled back a little to peck Sam’s lips again. “I’ll just miss having you wrapped around me.” He said in an almost whisper.  
Sam then pulled back further with a little smile. He pulled of his Stanford hoodie, getting a confused look from Gabriel, until he handed him the hoodie. “Here. It won’t be me keeping you warm at night, but this will have to do until then.” Gabriel looked at it. The fabric was soft and slightly worn. The color had started to fade and the string for the hood had already started to ruffle. Sam had worn it a lot “But you love this thing.” Gabriel protested, though he didn’t refuse. Sam shook his head. “I loved what it stood for. For me going to Stanford.” He explained. “But I don’t need that dream, cause that’ll be real in just a few hours. But now, I get to love it because of who’s wearing it, so when I see it, I get to see you.”   
Gabriel smiled at that. “I love you, Sam.” Sam felt the tears in his eyes built up. “I love you too, Gabriel. I love you so much.” He kissed him again as the intercom crackled, telling him his gate would close in 15 minutes. He pulled himself away from his boyfriend, silently having settled on the term with one last peck of his lips. “I have to go.” He said, looking at the terminal. Cas and Dean magically reappeared by his side after he and Gabe broke apart. “Goodbye.” Sam said in a broken voice as he turned to the terminal. He only turned around one more time to wave, before forcing himself to walk away. 

As Sam got on the plane the memories kept playing in his head. That first pokernight when he met Gabriel, their first kiss, their first night together. Then, almost a month later, Dean threatening Gabriel, their first date, their dinner with Bobby. They were mostly happy memories, but each of them was painted with a sort of disaster. He remembered Gabriel’s words ‘the universe doesn’t want us together’.  
The engines started roaring under him as the plane started taking of. He watched the world grew smaller as the plane got higher. Sam stared out the window where the town he had lived since he was ten slowly disappeared, and with it Dean, Bobby… And Gabriel.   
He put his hand in his pocket, just feeling the thin strip of newspaper that Gabriel had wrapped his present in as he smiled fondly at what it represented. He couldn’t help but fear that they’d lose what they had now that Sam was off to college. Still he was willing to fight for it.   
\---

When Sam walked into his new apartment the first thing he noticed was how empty it looked. He was glad it already had floors and the walls were painted but apart from that it was empty. Sam put is backpack on the floor and sat down next to it to get his laptop out. The IKEA furniture he had order wouldn’t be there for another hour and he really wanted to show Gabriel his new single roomed home.   
He installed the new webcam and microphone before calling Gabriel on Skype. The other picked up in under a minute. “Sam.” He said happily, wearing the Stanford hoodie Sam had given him. “How’s the new place?” Sam was glad to see him smile, even if he knew it was mostly for show. Still he couldn’t help but smile himself as he saw the man he loved. “It’s nice enough.” He answered. “A bit empty as you can see.” He spun the webcam around to show Gabriel the room. He talked about his flight and the furniture they had picked out pretty much together. He was glad it didn’t feel weird to talk to Gabriel over Skype, then again it could never feel weird to talk to Gabriel as far as he Sam was concerned.   
When the bell rang Sam realized they had been talking for more than an hour already, but the time had flown by. The delivery woman helped him bring all the boxes up, making the room seem a lot smaller all of a sudden. She almost tripped over the laptop still placed on the floor when she was staring at Sam putting one of the boxes down. Gabriel warned her as he saw the feet approaching. She laughed when Sam ran over to pick it up as Gabriel joked that he was almost trampled. The woman smiled and waved at Gabriel. “Sorry I didn’t see your friend there.” She said before looking Sam up and down again, twirling her hair between her fingers.   
“Boyfriend.” Sam corrected her and she barely kept her face from falling. “Oh sorry, boyfriend.” She muttered, seeing the smirk on Gabriel’s face grow. After the last box was brought to the apartment she left, still a bit disappointed.  
A bed, a closet, a desk and a deskchair. All Sam would need in his new life. He put the laptop on one of the boxes again. His smirk made Sam’s blush grow brighter. “Boyfriend..?” Gabriel asked in a happy teasing voice. Sam shrugged, hoping his nervousness didn’t translate on screen. “Yeah?” He asked. “Or..?” He asked wondering if Gabriel might be uncomfortable with it.   
Gabriel laughed. “Do you even need to ask Sam?” He smiled and it seemed more like his angel smile, a lot less mischievous, just happy. “Boyfriends, I like it.” He concluded then his grin turned mischievous again. “Now, show me how badly you fail at building furniture.” He said happily. Sam gave him a bitchface before opening the first box, the closet, which seemed the easiest. “It’d be a lot easier with you here to help me.” Sam complained as he looked at the instructions.   
“How about you send me pictures of the instructions so I can help.” He suggested. Sam grabbed his phone. “Then what, you’ll read them out loud to help?” He asked, agreeing to the plan.   
“Well mainly I just get to boss you around.” He grinned with another wiggle of his eyebrow. “But sure, help.” He concluded as Sam sighed. 

The help Gabriel had mentioned mainly consisted of him laughing his ass off as Sam tried his best at building the damn things. Sam almost forgot Gabriel was half way across the country as he scoffed at Gabriel’s teasing remarks. If this would be their life from now on, it might not be ideal, but as long as they kept talking at least it would be bearable.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks for my wonderful Beta ashighasalways! They are so kind and amazing and every positive word you can think of, and all that on top of really great help with spelling and phrasing and good tips on writing in general!

During the first week Sam and Gabriel figured out their rhythm. The two took the time to talk every day in the morning, during dinner and just before they went to sleep. Most days when Sam came home he couldn’t wait to tell Gabriel about all the things that had happened, the people he had met and the things he had learned. It was hard not being able to be close to him, but Sam wasn’t lonely, knowing Gabriel was always just a skype call away. At first it had worked out perfectly. Gabriel wanted to know everything that had happened during the day. He also gave Sam updates about everything that happened was back home. Sam talked to the others as well, but a lot less regularly. But as Charlie settled into the apartment and Dean’s and Cas’s lives adjusted to her being there a lot less interesting things happened, so the updates about that life became shorter and less frequent.  
Sam loved sharing everything about his new life with Gabriel. After his dinner at the dean’s he couldn’t wait to tell Gabriel all about it. As soon as he got online Gabriel called him. “So how was it?” Gabriel asked straight away.   
Sam smiled. “It was amazing.” He answered with wide, twinkling eyes, and Gabriel couldn’t help but find it adorable. “The dean is actually really nice, and after dinner we went out to the campus bar with the group of ‘excelling’ students.” His excitement was infectious, radiating over to Gabriel, though the air quotes he used when saying excelling made it clear he wasn’t all too comfortable with that label. “Oh and we’ve formed a study group!” He continued. “I told them all about you. They’d love to meet you. It’s so great, everyone there is in a relation, oh except for the two youngest students, but we’re going to set them up together.” Sam told him.   
Gabriel’s smile could have broken the screen Sam thought idly. The smile turned into a smirk slowly. “Only the bad stuff I hope.” He grinned, obviously still a bit amazed that Sam had talked about him to everybody. 

Sam’s first day of class was almost two weeks later. During that time he had explored the campus, gotten ahead on his reading in the huge library and spend some time with the other students he had met at the dinner.   
“Hey Gabe.” Sam greeted when Gabriel answered his call after his first day of class. “How’s your day been?” He asked. Gabriel smiled at him through the laptop and the smile made Sam feel butterflies every time.   
“It’s been okay.” Gabriel answered. “I’m going to have dinner with Cas tomorrow. But that’s nowhere near as exciting as what’s happening in your life. How was your first day of class?”   
“It was really interesting.” Sam told his boyfriend. “I’ve had a really exciting lesson on philosophy and morality.” He earned a loving “Nerd.” From Gabriel but nonetheless continued explaining the lesson almost in full. Gabriel smiled at his enthusiasm. They talked until Sam was too tired and really had to go to bed. 

 

The first day that they didn’t really talk at all was two and a half weeks into the first semester. Gabriel called Sam after his classes but Sam typed back that he was in the library. When Gabriel called him a bit later he answered while packing his back. “Sorry Gabe.” Sam sighed over skype. “Can’t really talk today, I’m meeting up with my study group in ten. After we work on the project we’re going to a rally.”   
Gabriel sighed but nodded. “It’s fine Sam, have fun. I love you.”   
“I love you too.” Sam told Gabriel before ending the call to leave. The day after they talked longer than normal to make up for it.   
Gabriel had an update about the latest drama at the old apartment. Apparently Charlie wanted to buy a cat and Cas was so excited that he asked Dean, who was very against the whole idea, everyday about it. It were those little stories that made Sam feel like he was still somehow living his old life in addition to his new one. He had had his doubts about a long distance relationship before but they were pulling it off and he was very grateful for that. 

Sam shared everything with Gabriel, including the dynamics of their study group, so when almost two months into the first semester two of his friends got together he assumed Gabriel would want to hear about it. He called him when he got home, they didn’t have a chance to talk the day before that so he was excited to talk to Gabriel anyway. “Okay so Kevin and Jo are finally dating.” Sam announced with a grin as soon as Gabriel picked up. “Oh and for the finance project I told you about, we are collaborating with the marketing department! I’m so excited to work in multidisciplinary groups and explore other branches. We get to do research on the legal connections of the financing department and the long term marketing goals.” Sam looked at his boyfriend expectantly, anticipating him to follow in Sam’s enthusiasm.   
Instead Gabriel sighed. “Sounds good.” He mustered. Sam lifted an eyebrow. “Are you okay?” Sam asked, suddenly worried about his boyfriend. Gabriel looked up, a guilty look in his eye. “Yeah sorry, no that sounds great.” He said, putting effort into being more enthusiastic this time. “And good to see those two finally making it official.” He added.  
Sam smiled. “I know I talk a lot, sorry. How has your day been?” He asked, realizing he hadn’t even asked Gabriel. There was a silence on the other side before he shrugged. “Same old, same old.” He answered. “Now tell me how they got together.” He asked Sam, the curiosity in Gabriel’s voice made Sam push his former worries to the side.

 

Their conversations continued for two months, but they had started to talk every other day to make time for Sam’s homework and social life and the Winchester had to admit he started to feel a riff building between him and Gabriel. It almost felt like Gabriel grew tired of hearing about Sam’s adventures, or at least became frustrated. Sam chalked it up to Gabriel being lonely or tired. He looked like he barely slept, but whenever Sam mentioned it Gabriel shrugged it off, trying to avoid the topic all together.

That second month Sam had gone for dinner with his study group. The ten of them had become really close since they met at the dean’s dinner. When Sam came home he instinctively looked at his laptop, seeing three missed calls from Gabriel. He called him back at once. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked as soon as Gabriel appeared on the screen.   
Gabriel nodded. “Yeah, just thought I’d see if you were there.” He shrugged. “So where were you?” Though the question itself didn’t surprise Sam, the slight sneer with which Gabriel asked it did. Sam looked at him, letting a silence fall before answering. “I was having dinner with the group.” He explained, his words sounded like a question and Gabriel ignore it. 

The tone made Gabriel pause, regretting his own phrasing. “How was it?” He asked, trying to sound less accusing.   
“It was fine.” He answered as briefly as possible. “But I can see you’re not fine.” Gabriel looked away from the screen and Sam wished he could hold the other and comfort him.   
There was a silence before Gabriel started talking. “I’m fine Sam.” He tried but Sam refused the blatant and shaky lie.   
“You’re not fine and you haven’t been in a while.” Sam protested. “Now I want you to tell me what’s going on so we can work on this.”

Another silence followed. “Do you…” The words came out in a stutter. “Do you miss me?” Gabriel asked and Sam could see he was looking at the screen, probably trying to read Sam’s face. The question caught him off guard but he had his answer ready without even having to think about it. “Gabe,” He sighed soft and lovingly. “Of course I miss you.” He answered, wishing he could proof it. “Is that why you’re acting so strange lately?” He asked, biting his own lip.   
Gabriel shrugged and his blush showed, even on screen. “I just figured, you have so much to do and you’re meeting so many new…” He trailed off, but Sam could follow the trail of thought.   
“It doesn’t compare.” He told him with a straight face, wanting to make sure his message was clear. “Nothing compares Gabe. You’re the one I want to be with every day. I’m sorry I wasn’t at my laptop today. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you, but I can’t let my new life pass my by completely, I want to go out with friends and I need to study.” He explained, making Gabriel sigh. “I get it.” He nodded. “Sorry.” 

Sam felt bad but he wouldn’t give up building a life here for Gabriel. He was happy living the college life and he was happy being with Gabe. He could do both and Gabriel would have to understand that Sam loved him, even if he was with other people.   
Sam told him about the dinner and this time Gabriel seemed sincerely interested, living vicariously through the stories Sam told him and asking for details. Now that Gabe knew Sam still missed him he seemed to be able to go back to enjoying Sam’s company.   
Sam got into bed after an hour or two, wanting to get to sleep on time for his early morning class. Gabriel grinned as Sam stripped off in front of the camera. “I hope you realize this is resulting in some very nice screenshots.” He warned as Sam carried the laptop to continue the conversation while lying down. Gabriel got into bed half an hour later and with the laptop next to him, Sam could almost pretend Gabriel was actually lying beside him. It didn’t take him long to drift into a peaceful slumber as the conversation started dragging and the pauses in the sentenced grew longer.   
Sam light slumber was filled with the small sleep noises Gabriel made on the other side of the screen. He opened his eyes disoriented when he tried to wrap his arms around the smaller man but couldn’t find him, though he was still hearing the noise of Gabriel stirring in his sleep.   
Slowly the realization they had both left Skype on sank in as he looked at his boyfriend softly stirring, alone in his bed half way across the country. If he could have reached out and touched him he would have held him in his arms, but he couldn’t hold the screen. Instead he settled on grabbing his blankets and bundling them together to hug those as he looked at the perfect face of his love inside the screen. He couldn’t close the laptop, this was too much like the nights he missed. Gabriel beside him, the soft sleepy noises filling Sam’s ears. He closed his eyes again as he realized just how much he loved the other.   
The next time Sam woke up was a lot less peaceful. He bolted up in bed as he heard crying and screaming. He instantly looked at the blanket he was clutching but quickly realized that he wasn’t actually holding Gabriel. Still, those were Gabriel’s screams.   
He looked around the room panicked until his eyes fell on the screen and he saw the other thrashing in the bed hopelessly. Gabriel’s eyes slowly flickered open as if he was regaining his consciousness but his hands were still balled up in fists, holding the blanket tight enough for the straining skin to turn white. His complexion was also white, a pale panicked face, whispering softly to himself, clearly trying to calm himself down. Sam wasn’t sure whether or not he should speak up but the ragged and unrhythmical breath told Sam Gabriel wasn’t calming down enough. He decided to talk, hoping not to startle him any further. “Gabe? Gabriel?” He kept his voice soft, not wanting to seem threatening. Gabriel turned his face to look at the screen and Sam bit his lip as he noticed the blind panic in the other’s eyes. “It’s okay Gabe. I’m here.” His breathing slowed down a little and Sam wished he was actually there physically. Still his voice seemed to be enough to make Gabriel get back to his senses. “Sam?” He questioned as he blinked at the screen. Sam smiled softly and Gabriel mimicked the expression. “Sorry if I woke you up.” He sighed, finally releasing the now crumpled up sheets.   
Sam shook his head at the apology. “What happened, nightmare?” He asked, worried about whatever it was that made his boyfriend this stressed. Gabriel nodded, still trying to catch his breath. “Do you know the trolley problem?” Gabriel asked in a sad tone. Sam nodded confused. “I dreamed that you choose to run me over to save your study group.” He admitted.   
Sam took a moment to take that in. He looked at Gabriel who looked so scared, so lonely. He wondered if that was why Gabriel looked so tired lately. “Have you had a lot of dreams like that?” He asked, afraid of the answer.   
“It’s not always about that…” He told him, sounding so small. It reminded Sam of the time Gabriel told him about what had happened with Michael. “Sometimes it’s Anna getting squashed by a giant Michael or Dean and Cas killing each other.”   
Sam tried not to look too shocked and failed miserably. “That’s awful.” He breathed. “How often do you get dreams like that?”   
Gabriel looked unsure, not wanting to speak up. After a long pause, in which Sam and Gabriel both stared at the other on screen Gabriel opened his mouth. “Every night…” He admitted. “I’ve always had them…”   
Sam felt a pain move through him at the words. Every night.   
“Except…” The words sounded hoarse and Sam realized the toll speaking had on Gabriel’s voice after all the screaming and crying. “Except when I stayed with you. But lately they’ve been getting worse. I hate nighttime cause I am so tired, but afraid to sleep.” He told him. The hidden meaning of those words was crystal clear to Sam. He made the difference, and he had left Gabriel all alone.

He looked at his boyfriend and guilt wrecked through him as Gabriel continued. “Normally I’m so afraid after one of those dreams… It takes me at least hours to calm down.”   
Sam felt himself longing to hold the other through the screen again, but he knew there was no way to do so. Instead he made a promise to Gabriel. “How about we leave skype on every night?” He offered but Gabriel shook his head.   
“Then I’ll wake you up every night…” He protested but Sam just shrugged, lying back down so they were both looking at each other like they would when talking in the same bed. “Maybe, but if it helps you I don’t mind.” He told him. Gabriel smiled, so genuine and thankful it made Sam’s heart break. He sniffled a little, though the smile stayed put. “Are you sure it’s still worth it all?” He asked suddenly, the question making Sam nervous.   
“Do you think it isn’t?” Sam asked, biting his lip as his hands fiddled with his sheets.   
Gabriel did say the dreams were getting worse now that Sam was gone, so he was suffering a lot from their long distance relation Sam realized.   
Gabriel sighed. “I don’t know. For me it is, but you… I mean, it’d be so much easier to find someone there, someone that’s close and stable.” The sincerity with which Gabriel talked made Sam more worried than before. Still he shook his head slightly. “I don’t want anyone here. I want you, through a screen or in my arms, but I want you.”   
Gabriel looked pained at Sam’s decision. “If you ever want to stop this, don’t feel like you are doing something bad to me. You’ve done enough good, I won’t blame you for anything.”   
Sam looked almost angry at that, or at least frustrated. “Please don’t say things like that Gabe. I’m with you because I love you, not out of some form of pity.” His words were sweet but his tone was stern. “You are to kind and too good to feel so broken. You deserve a good life Gabe, you deserve to be happy too but sometimes I feel like you can’t see that.” The harshness in his voice was replaced with desperation. “I wish I could help you see… Gabriel. Have you ever been to therapy?” He asked with a sudden hopeful look. Gabriel shook his head before Sam continued.   
“You need to talk to someone about all this, someone that can show you that you deserve to feel much better then you do now.” Sam was glad that Gabriel didn’t seem to flat out refuse the idea, though his face was filled with suspicion. “A therapist?”   
Sam nodded. “I’ll send you the contacts of the one Bobby took us to after our dad ran out.” He told him, pulling the laptop closer and finding her website. “Here, I’ve sent you a link. Do you think you can check it out? If you need any financial aid-” “I don’t, thanks. But I will look at it. It might help…” He agreed. “Did it help you?”   
Sam nodded. “It did, but Dean didn’t really like it… It’s different for every person.” He explained. “But maybe if you try it, it can help you.”   
Gabriel nodded. “I’ll try.”   
“Good.” Sam said a bit happier now. “How about we try to sleep some more?” He asked when he noticed the yawn escaping Gabriel. Gabriel nodded. “Thank you Sam.” He said softly.  
“No need to thank me. We’ll talk about it some more tomorrow, okay?” Sam asked and Gabriel nodded. “Goodnight.” He muttered.   
Sam smiled and closed his eyes. “Goodnight, I love you.”  
“I love you too.” Gabriel smiled, closing his eyes to sleep again and resting uneasily until Sam’s alarm clock woke the two of them up. 

When they woke up they smiled at each other. “Good morning.” Gabriel said in a soft voice. Sam smiled back. “Morning Gabe. How are you feeling?”   
“Tired, but less so then normally.” He answered.   
“Good.” Sam smiled, wanting to focus on the positive. “So are you going to contact the therapist today?” He asked as he got out of bed.   
“Yeah. I think that might be a good idea.” The other agreed. “I’m not sure that it’ll really work if I’m honest. I mean… What if I’m beyond help?” He asked, then shook his head. “I know. I shouldn’t think like that… I’m going to try okay?” He promised, putting on a brave face.   
Sam nodded, hearing him out. “I know that it’s a lot to think about, going to therapy. I’m really proud of you for trying to find help.”   
Sam told Gabriel about how nervous he was to go at first and how he didn’t mind it once he found out just how much therapy helped. When Sam went off to school Gabriel promised to book an appointment. After Sam came back from school he was happy to find out Gabriel had an appointment booked for the next week.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thanks to my lovely beta. She is lovely and so helpful!

Sam made sure to make more time for Gabriel in the following weeks. He even planned out exactly how he could work ahead on his homework so he would have extra time to spend with Gabriel the day of his first session.   
Gabriel had been nervous to go to therapy at first, he wasn’t really sure how much talking would help if his situation didn’t change. So Sam told him about the first time he went to therapy and how doubtful he had been, but how glad he was he went through with it.   
Gabriel called Sam as soon as he was back to tell him all about it. Sam listened happily as Gabriel told him about the breathing exercises his therapist had given him. He seemed to like her a lot which put Sam at ease.   
They continued sleeping with skype on, which had the positive result of a healthy sleep schedule for Gabriel. The nightmares still happened on a nightly basis though, which really cut in on Sam’s planned sleeping time. He was often tired during classes. Still as long as it helped Gabriel it was more than worth it. The first nights after the therapy session had been the worst, with Gabriel waking up several times a night, always in blind panic and fear.   
His therapist had warned that that might happen, since he was digging up a lot of his trauma, but as she predicted the excessiveness of the fears and panic passed over time and he started to actually feel a bit better. Still he felt alone most of the times, mainly because Sam was now completely consumed in his college life.   
He missed Gabriel, not just because he wasn’t physically there, but because a lot of days the only real time he spent with his boyfriend was the night. Falling asleep almost instantly after calling him on skype, later calming Gabriel down from his night terror before they both fell asleep again and then talking for only half an hour in the morning before Sam went for a run. 

It had already been 3 months since Sam left and he could feel his new life taking over, barely leaving any room for his old life. Still any time he had to spare, he wanted to share with Gabriel. Sam had tried to build in some Gabe time during his study time, but since that was just Gabriel sitting quietly trying not to distract Sam it hardly counted as quality time so they quickly gave up on that.  
When Gabriel called him after class one Wednesday Sam could see something was wrong with him immediately. “Babe, everything alright?” He asked worried.   
“I miss you.” Gabriel just said almost unprompted. Sam sighed softly. “I miss you too Gabe.” Sam answered sadly. “Just four more weeks until thanksgiving break.” He answered sadly. Gabriel sighed. “I won’t be there during thanksgiving.” He admitted, the tears building up in his eyes. Sam looked at him confused. “What do you mean?”  
Gabriel sighed. “Michael knows about us, and I feel like he knows about Charlie and Anna as well.” Sam understood the fearful tone Gabriel spoke in. They both knew what Gabriel had to endure when he was outed. Still it got more painful as Gabriel continued speaking. “So for Thanksgiving we are going to go to some church up state. I’m sure it’s to separate us. Anna is going to join… He told us it’s to reflect on past mistakes and pray for forgiveness for all the horrible sins we all commit each day.” He sounded more broken than Sam had ever heard. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be kicked out if I don’t go. And even if I wouldn’t be, I know what Michael did when he wanted me to reflect on my sins.” He looked so sincere, like he was reliving the time in isolation. “He’ll hurt her.” He concluded. “He’ll absolutely break her.” Sam wanted to be angry, he wanted to shout. He had so been looking forward to being with Gabriel again, and now… Still he nodded. “I understand.” He sighed. Gabriel hadn’t chosen this, and of course he wanted to protect his baby sister. Sam had once asked why Anna didn’t move out, but she had nowhere to go, she wasn’t ready to get disowned completely and live with Charlie and she didn’t have the money to live on her own, so she was stuck. And as long as she was stuck, so was Gabriel and so was Sam in a way.  
“When do you leave?” Sam asked, looking up his schedule to see when he would fly home. Gabriel sighed and Sam realized he had already asked Cas when Sam would leave. “We’re leaving the 15th and you will be here the 20th so…” He sighed. Sam looked at his disappointed. “So we won’t see each other at all?” He filled in in a disappointed voice. Gabriel nodded. “I’m sorry Sam.”  
Sam let his head fall. “It’s not your fault.” He told him, though he was tired of saying that. Gabriel looked wrecked and Sam knew it wasn’t fair to blame Gabriel, he was just trying to look out for his baby sister. Sam wished Anna would move out. He was sure Gabriel would move in with him in a heartbeat and even though Sam had doubted whether or not they were ready for that, if his months at Stanford showed him anything about their relation, it was how much he loved Gabriel and how much he missed him, every single day.   
Gabriel brought him out of his own thoughts by saying his name. “Sam… I think we need to talk.” His head hung low and his shoulders drooped. “I’m sorry about thanksgiving, but that’s not what I meant.” He admitted. Sam looked at him through glassy eyes. He had a sense of where this was going and he didn’t like it. “I’m sorry but I can’t do this.”   
Sam broke. He took a deep breath as if inhaling all the sorrow in the world. His eyes started watering as his gaze faltered.   
“It’s too much.” Gabriel continued, the words had a hollowed tone and Sam wasn’t sure if what he heard matched reality. He knew the message would be the same.   
“You have given up so much and as much as I love you for it,” Those words sounded like a betrayal. “it weighs on me every single day. You, Sam, have so much potential and I don’t want you to worry about me. I know you said you- ” “Are you breaking up with me?” Sam asked, unable to listen to a second more with the unanswered dread of Gabriel leaving him. Gabriel nodded. “I’m sorry Sam.” 

Sam knew he should be an adult, but he wasn’t, not right there and then. He didn’t want to talk about it, or hear a million excuses. He wanted his brother and his lifelong friends to comfort him but they weren’t there. He was alone, now more than ever.   
He ended the call abruptly and declined when Gabriel called back. He felt the tears streaming down his face. He was alone, completely alone in a faraway city. No family, no friends he had known for more than a few months.   
Gabriel loved him and Gabriel left him. He cried. He cried until he wasn’t sure there were any tears left in him. It left him exhausted and shaky, and still alone. 

It took Sam a day until he was ready to talk about it. Gabriel sent him a message saying that if Sam wanted to talk, Gabriel was more than open to it. He told him he didn’t want to leave their ending so open, but also continued saying that if Sam would rather not talk to him anymore, that would be okay as well. So the day after their breakup Sam forced himself to call Gabriel.   
He wished he could still fix them but he knew that wasn’t smart. Even if Gabriel would agree, Sam wouldn’t be able to live with the knowledge that his own concerns were causing Gabriel that much harm.   
Sam looked at the paper, still messily decorating his wall. It was the only thing in his room that didn’t look tidy. The handwriting was hasty, the edges of the paper uneven and actual text of the newspaper made the whole thing far too busy.   
Sam’s things normally had a structure and precision to them. The newspaper was the only exception, it was the torn in the eye that opened his vision to a new world. He contemplated ripping it off the wall but he couldn’t do that. Before he could rationalize that thought, Gabriel answered his skype call.   
“hey.” Gabriel greeted him. The word sounded strange and entirely out of place somehow, still Sam answered synonymously. “Hey.” A long silence followed as Sam tried to remember what it was he wanted to say to Gabriel, but his mind came up blank.   
Instead Gabriel broke the silence. “Thanks for calling.” He muttered, giving Sam the courage to talk as well. “I uh… I’m sorry for hanging up on you yesterday.” Sam said, the words having trouble to find their way out of his mouth. “I just needed some time.” He explained carefully. “I didn’t think…” He left the sentence unfinished, but that didn’t stop Gabriel from understanding it. Gabriel sighed. “Our first reunion would be summer break Sam.” He explained. “I miss you so much and I think it’ll be easier to forget this for now. I mean we don’t really have the best track record and I don’t see that changing any time soon.” He admitted.   
Sam huffed, though the sound was more despaired than frustrated. “So we just give up?” He asked, ignoring the water he felt building up in his eyes. Gabriel shook his head. “We take a break. You live your life, have fun, go to parties and have a real college experience and I live my life, reflection on my fears and working through a depression I tried to suppress.”   
Sam let his head hang but agreed. It wasn’t like he could refuse the breakup, no matter how much he wanted to. At least now they could find some peace in it. “I want to stay friends at least.” Sam told his ex-lover, even if it was the biggest cliché that almost never worked out. Gabriel smiled at the words. “Maybe we can promise that, if we are both single at the end of this all, we try again.” Sam wanted to agree, until he realized what that meant. Four years of doubt and longing only to find out both of them changed too much to still make it work.   
Four years of idle hope. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that.   
“I’m sorry Gabe. I’m not going to promise you that.”   
Gabriel nodded in silent understanding. “You don’t have to.”   
The conversation fell silent again except for the low hum of Sam’s laptop. Neither of them knew how to continue now that they settled on a being friends. “Well…” Sam spoke carefully. “Take care of yourself, okay?” He told Gabriel. Gabriel smiled without emotion. “You too Sam.”   
Sam was used to saying ‘I love you’ at the end of each call with Gabriel, but he knew that wouldn’t be so anymore.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for my last chapter.  
> Once again, all the love to my beta ashighasalways <3

Staying friends was something that had proven to be hard. Since they broke up Sam hadn’t tried to call Gabriel again, figuring out he didn’t want to be the first one to look for contact. He wondered if Gabriel felt the same way, since he hadn’t heard from him either. Apparently, he was doing a bit better, at least that’s what the others told him when he asked about Gabriel while talking to them.  
Dean had been less than understanding at first but calmed down sooner than Sam had thought he would. Cas was just disappointed and Sam noticed how much he was trying to get an explanation for their break up. Sam wondered if Cas had blamed him at first, as he remembered the way Cas had judged him during the dinner with Bobby. In the end, he understood that it hadn’t been Sam’s fault and it was definitely not Sam’s choice. 

Charlie had been the most helpful. She had told him that no one was at fault and had volunteered to keep an eye on Gabriel unprompted. Sam was once again impressed by her magical mindreading powers that told her how much Sam was still worried.  
When she offered to catch the first possible plane to come and comfort him, Sam had to hold her back and convince her not to spend hundredths of dollars and unpaid vacation days just for his broken heart.  
It had been nice to see them all again, well at least most of them, during thanksgiving. They celebrated the holiday with Bobby. Now that Anna was away Charlie had opted to go to her parents during the actual holiday, but she drove back the day after, wanting to spend some time with Sam now that he was back in town.  
The rest had been kind enough not to talk too much about Gabriel, sensing Sam was anything but ready for that. Charlie however, brought it up the night before Sam went back home when the two of them were alone. She eased into the topic by talking about Anna, and about how constricting their time together was.  
Apparently, Michael didn’t like how much Anna had been out of the house in the last few months so he had given her, as well as Gabriel loads of chores to complete. At the mention of Gabriel she looked at Sam and asked how he had been holding up.  
Sam had expected he would break again but he was surprised to learn how easy he could speak about it. He told her it still hurt and it probably would keep hurting, but that he was okay.  
As guilty as he felt when admitting it, he didn’t have time to dwell on it, so he didn’t. The most hardship he still felt was during the evening, just before he went to sleep when he was all alone and just wanted to talk to Gabriel about their days, or tell him about something that Gabriel would have found funny. 

Charlie had been kind and listened to him, not judging him for his feelings. She had made sure to assure him Gabriel was doing okay. When he came over he was a bit gloomy and Cas almost always had to talk him into coming, but apart from that he seemed fine. 

When Sam returned to Stanford, he found himself repeating those words in his mind. Gabriel was fine.  
As the weeks dragged on, he got back into his rhythm. Every day got easier with regards to Gabriel because every day got busier. By the time Christmas break arrived he barely minded the fact that he didn’t even get a card from Gabriel, and by the time it was New Year he had gotten used to the fact that he went to bed alone.  
His friends had tried to set him up on dates but that was not something he was ready for yet. The idea of being without Gabriel had finally settled in his mind but the idea of being with someone else was still too painful.  
He still couldn’t let go of the other completely and he knew it. So when he got a message from Charlie the first thing he noticed was his name. 

_Sam, have you heard anything from Gabriel today? Michael hurt Anna and Gabe stepped in so she could run but we haven’t heard from him since. Dean is about to see if he’s still there but I hoped he send you something._

Sam could feel the panic setting in instantly. He called Charlie but she didn’t pick up. He tried Dean’s phone having Cas pick up within seconds. “Sam.” He answered, the word hurried and low. “Have you talked to Gabriel?”  
Sam shook his head, speechless for the moment, though his heavy breathing must have indicated to Cas that he was listening. “No…” He finally muttered. “What happened?” He had to do all he could to relax his grip when he realized the tightness with which his shaking hand clutched the phone. Cas let out a deep sigh and Sam could feel the stress the other felt. Still Cas soldiered on and calmed himself down enough to talk about it. 

“This morning Anna called Charlie to say she was coming over and that she was not okay. She said she needed help and a first aid kit.” Cas started, his voice a tremor and Sam was pretty sure he was or had been crying. Another ragged breath escaped the Novak before he could continue. “Dean and Charlie drove towards the my old house, hoping to meet her half way. She sounded so scared on the phone that Charlie didn’t want her to have to walk alone. I’m not sure how she could still walk thinking about it.” Sam knew his face was completely pale by now. If the story wasn’t enough to frighten him, Castiel’s tone would have done the trick. “What happened to her?” He asked when Castiel fell silent again, recollecting himself. Sam was worried for Anna, but his focus was on the still lost Gabriel and on how he tied into it.  
“Michael.” Castiel simply said, the name sounding like venom. “Apparently the two had gotten into a fight after Anna didn’t finish her chores. I don’t know all the details but it ended with Michael telling her she wasn’t allowed to leave the house anymore and with her standing up for herself.” Cas paused again and Sam could hear Dean’s voice in the background asking if he should take over for Cas. Apparently Cas refused the offer because he was the one that continued. “Michael hit her with a dining chair.” The words were clear and to the point, but Sam had to take a moment to really let them sink in.  
Sam let himself fall on his bed as he could hear Cas’s cries slowly getting further away. He realized Dean had taken the phone away from Cas when he heard his brothers breathing over the line. He played the words back but they didn’t seem any more realistic. “How is she now?” Sam asked afraid of the answer.  
“I brought them to the hospital. She has a heavy concussion and a broken nose.” His voice sounded clinical and cold, but Sam knew that didn’t mean he was unmoved by the story. He had to be the strong one for Cas’s sake, and also, as it turned out for Sam’s. “When we picked her up she told us Gabriel had jumped in between her and Michael and had pretty much yelled at her to leave him behind to fend him off. He wouldn’t let her help and kept telling her to leave before the rest of the brothers came home. We expected to hear from him but we’ve heard nothing so far. We figured maybe you-“ Sam cut in. “I haven’t heard from him in months.” He answered. He didn’t care how much his voice shook or how wet his tears were getting. He only cared about how little he could do to save the man he loved, if there was anything left to save. Dean let out a short defeated groan but quickly regained his practiced calm. “Sam, we’ll find him. I’m going over to that house and,” Sam could hear a loud sob from Cas in the background and he knew it was out of fear. Michael had proven too be dangerous, more dangerous than Cas had ever realized. Sam had known Michael was a wildcard since Gabriel told him about his punishment. Sam gasped as he suddenly realized where Gabriel could be. “If you get into the house… Check the top floor.” Sam swallowed hard. He had promised Gabriel not to tell anyone about what had happened during the time he was supposed to be in conversion therapy but this was an emergency. “In Michael’s room there is supposed to be a walk-in closet. Gabriel told me Michael kept him imprisoned in there for months a few years ago to punish him for being gay. If he’s still trapped in that house, it’ll probably be in there.”  
Dean let out a shocked gasp at that, even though Sam sensed that the real shock of it would set in later, too much was going on to let anything really sink in. “Michael is dangerous Dean. Take care of yourself and please keep me updated.” He grabbed his laptop and started typing. “I can probably be there in a day, there’s a lot of flights to take.” He said, looking at the possibilities.  
Dean let out a strained sigh. “We don’t know if we’ll find him today… I don’t know if coming over will really make a difference at this point.” Sam wanted to protest but Dean continued quickly. “If anything happens you can always fly back, but don’t just come here in blind panic. What if he tries to contact you and you’re off somewhere on a plane.” He argued.  
Sam felt so helpless and so useless. He just wanted to be of help, but Dean was right, there was nothing to gain from coming home.  
“Dean…” He sighed as he accepted the reality. “Please be careful.”  
There was a short silence before Dean’s voice reappeared. “Stay strong Sammy. I promise we’ll do everything we can to save him.” Dean offered in comfort.  
Sam knew he should cling to that, but he knew what Dean meant by ‘doing everything’ and knowing how dangerous Michael was, Sam feared for his brother as much as he did for his ex-lover. “Are you sure you should go to the house tonight? I mean, it’s late and all the Novak’s will be home.”  
“You’re asking me to wait?” Dean asked confused. Sam sighed. “I’m asking you to be safe. Even if he is there… You won’t be able to just take him with you if the house is crowded.” He realized out loud. “I don’t want him to be in pain any longer, but I don’t want you to put yourself in danger, especially if it won’t help in the end. Tomorrow is a Sunday. They won’t miss church, especially now that Michael has something to repent.”  
The strained noise that left Dean told Sam he was considering it. After a small pause Dean told him “Okay, I’ll break in tomorrow morning.”  
Sam let out a relived sigh. “Thank you. Is there anything I can do?” He asked.  
“Yeah.” Dean answered. “Could you try to speak to the police tomorrow? You’re better at all that legal stuff and they keep telling us they won’t look for Gabriel until he has been missing for 48 hours. Maybe you can convince them.”  
Sam decided to spend his night looking up legal president to support his question.  
“You should go comfort Cas, I’ll see how I can convince law enforcement to help us. Dean…” He sighed, trying to collect himself. “Thank you.”  
“He’s family.” Dean simply answered and Sam knew how much that meant. “I’ll keep you updated Sammy. Try to get some sleep, we’ll all need some strength tomorrow.”  
“Thank you. Stay safe.”  
Dean hung up after that and Sam allowed himself to let out the cries he had been trying to hold back. After a good hour of sobbing he grabbed his laptop again to start building a case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also sorry for this chapter ^^'


	18. Chapter 18

Sam felt pathetic. It was 5 am and he was still pouring over police reports and law cases, trying to find good arguments to convince the police to look for Gabriel before the 48 hour term was over. The words on the screen started to blur together and the sentences danced through his head. A lot of the stories didn’t have happy endings and he was starting to lose what little hope he had. He was almost too distracted by the horrid images in his head to notice the buzzer, indicating someone was at the door. His friends had offered to come by and comfort him when he told them about what had happened, but he had refused the offer, wanting to be alone. But apearently he couldn’t keep them away. He sighed, getting up reluctantly, not wanting anybody’s pity. Still he pressed the button to hear the visitor, maybe they’d be able to help him with the research.   
The receiver buzzed as he pressed it. A voice spoke his name and Sam’s heart got caught in his throat. Even through the static sound of the cheap front door mic he recognized the voice. He buzzed him up, his heart working overtime to comprehend what his head couldn’t even start processing. His feelings were running wild. He felt relief that he was safe, anger that he hadn’t responded to Sam’s messages, worry over what had happened, anxiety over how they would deal with their breakup.   
Then everything stopped.  
Love.  
As Gabriel walked through the door all he could feel was love. 

Gabriel had a black eye and his lip was cracked. He limped slightly and there were bruises all over his arms. When Sam saw the hurt Gabriel was in, the anger found its way back to him. “Gabriel.” He let out, hurrying over to be closer to the other. “What happened?” He asked, his hand resting on his face, careful to stay on the right side that wasn’t hurt or broken. Sam knew the answer before he even asked the question. Still Gabriel told him. “Michael.” He said, his voice sounding more sad then angry. “He found out about Anna.” He explained and let out a sad, broken sound. Sam moved his hand to Gabriel’s shoulder and Gabriel used the opportunity to wrap both arms around Sam. Sam hugged him back carefully and softly rubbed his back. He had missed the familiar touch more than he’d like to admit.   
Sam let out a deep sigh as he felt Gabriel’s heart drumming into his chest, but slowing down gradually. Sam waited until Gabriel’s breathing was close to normal again before pulling back slowly. “Everyone was worried. Why didn’t you call?” Sam asked in a whisper. Gabriel let his head hang. “He smashed my phone. I had the luck that I still had my wallet on me. I just fled and took the first flight possible. I needed to see you.”   
“Why didn’t you go to Cas and Dean?” He asked, slowly guiding Gabriel over to the couch. Gabriel shook his head. “That’s where I told Anna to go. Michael doesn’t know where they live yet. I didn’t want him to follow me and risk their safety.” He curled up against Sam. “I know a lot happened between us and I know you don’t want to move in together or maybe even be with me, but…” He sighed. “Can you go to the police with me?” This was no longer Gabriel who just took what he wanted. Sam had always known that was a mask Gabriel wore, but he never expected Gabriel to let go of the mask that quickly, not now that they were complicated.   
Still Sam nodded, holding him close again. He was careful, like Gabriel was fine China that could break with every touch. He fished his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll tell the others you’re here.” He told him as he typed out a message. “Then we’ll go to the police office.” He promised, then carefully added. “You should tell them about everything.”   
Gabriel looked up at him and Sam felt a pang of guilt at suggesting that, but he knew it was what was best for him. “The more you tell, the better they’ll be able to help.” He said. “Besides, this will be easier to prove.” He told him. Gabriel nodded again and Sam was surprised at how agreeable and clingy he was being. He was like a scared little kid crawling into his parents bed after a nightmare. Except his nightmare was real.   
The trip to the police station was horrible. Gabriel was tough enough to tell what had happened without visibly breaking, but the way he kept squeezing Sam’s tightly as he told them about the years of abuse made Sam realize just how difficult it all was for Gabriel. The officers also had asked who Sam was to Gabriel and when Gabriel answered ex-boyfriend it was like an expected kick in the gut he couldn’t avoid. It had hurt Sam so much to hear those words. He wished he could take back everything that had happened. It would be easier if were still that loving couple and if he could just be the strong arms that Gabriel needed to be held in. Of course he was still in love with Gabriel and he felt like Gabriel still loved him as well, but because they broke up neither could really fess up to their feelings.   
On the way back to apartment Gabriel asked if Sam would be more comfortable if Gabriel would look for a motel for the time being. Sam convinced him it really wasn’t a problem for Gabriel to stay until he got back on his feet. Sam liked the company and he’d rather have Gabriel safe and with him.   
Sam grimaced when he walked into the apartment and realized one flaw in that plan. He only had one bed. He wasn’t going to send Gabriel away and didn’t want to make a big deal of it by suggesting to sleep on the floor, but the only other option was to share a bed with Gabriel. Sam told himself it wasn’t a big deal and that nothing needed to happen. They were both adults and they were both aware that getting together wasn’t in the cards right now. They had both changed since Sam left and they were both way to fragile to deal with and romantic feelings or possible regrets. 

Gabriel seemed to notice Sam’s doubts and sighed. “It’s okay Sam. I’ll sleep on the floor if you want.” He told him. “Do you have a spare blanket maybe?” Gabriel didn’t sound like himself. He was no longer the guy that had followed Sam up to his room the first time thay met, just to see what would come of it. Sam remembered the nights they had fallen asleep together on Skype, realizing Gabriel had never fully been that guy. He became that guy after drinking and he held on to that guy in Sam’s arms, but beneath, Gabriel was exactly who he was now, broken, traumatized and with nowhere to go.  
Sam shook his head. “We can share the bed if you want, or I’ll sleep on the floor.” He told Gabriel, looking at the smaller man and realizing how much he hated the distance between them, even while they were physically so close.   
Gabriel stayed quiet, his voice soft and unsure when he spoke again. “You don’t mind sharing?” He asked, the ghost of a smile played on his lips, but it was nothing like the big smile Sam had grown used to. Sam wanted to answer but Gabriel was no longer playing attention to him. Something else had caught his eye.   
Sam followed his gaze, feeling the heat in his cheeks rise as he realized what it was Gabriel saw. The old news paper he had hung on his wall. In a careful but messy handwriting it said ‘I love you’. Sam looked at Gabriel who walked over to it, the smile on his lips widening a little. When he touched it, he was gentle, studying the letters. It was like he saw something out of an other world and he needed to validate if it was real. 

It felt like it was another world back then. Even Sam had to admit it. Gabriel turned to him slowly. “You kept this?” He asked, a bit of playfulness finding its way back into his eyes. Sam shrugged, sporting a full on blush. He didn’t say anything. In reality, he didn’t know why he kept it, looking at it only made him sad for the last few months but he couldn’t get rid of that dumb paper on his wall. Gabriel seemed to sense Sam’s unease and his face fell again. “I mean, it’s sweet.” He muttered, stroking the paper once more before turning away. “I’m sorry for what I said… Back then, over Skype.” He clarified. “It was stupid of me to get jealous. I just saw you, living your life to the fullest, experiencing all these new things, and myself, stuck in that small town, mostly surrounded by people that hated me.” Sam wanted to go over and comfort Gabriel, but he knew it wasn’t what Gabriel needed right now and working out the exact reason why they broke up probably wouldn’t make sleeping together any easier. “We don’t need to talk about this now, okay?” He offered. “I think it’s best we go to sleep now and start building things back up tomorrow.” Gabriel looked at him confused but Sam smiled kindly. “We need to start getting you back into a life.” He explained. “Nothing major, but you need some clothes, a phone, something to fill your days and we need to look for a therapist. We’ll work in little steps to get you back on your feet.”   
Gabriel listened to him, his expression blank. “I still have some money saved…” He told Sam, thinking out loud. “So phone, clothes, place to stay.” He said, like he was already doing the finances in his head. Sam shook his head. “I told you, I’m not going to send you off alone Gabe.” He told him. “If you want you can stay here for now.” He reminded him.   
Gabriel nodded, barely visible. “Thank you.” He muttered and Sam felt a wave of pity move through him again. He watched as Gabriel moved to the bed, throwing off his shoes as he did.   
He quickly looked down at the floor as Gabriel undressed himself until he was in just his boxers. He peeked up to see if Gabriel was in the bed yet. When he saw him standing there half naked the memory of Gabriel’s body beneath his fingers flooded back to Sam.   
He had kissed and touched every inch of Gabriel’s skin, explored every sensitive spot and learned every spot and freckle. Even after everything that had happened, he still knew the body in front of him almost as well as his own.   
Sam took off his clothes as well, ignoring the discomfort he hated feeling as he got into bed next to Gabriel. It felt nearly clinical as Gabriel pressed against the wall while Sam almost hung off the bed at the other side, all so they wouldn’t touch. 

Still the heat of Gabriel’s skin radiated under the blanket they both tried to share. Sam was the first to give in after staring at the ceiling in the dark for at least ten minutes. He reached over in search of Gabriel’s hand and moved a finger against it when he found it. It was uneasy, almost foreign as Gabriel moved back against the touch ever so slightly. Their fingers danced, like both of them wanted to play it of as unintentional, no matter how aware they were of the truth. Sam finally took hold of Gabriel’s hand. He still didn’t dare to look at the other but a tension was already building inside him. Gabriel then moved in a little closer, waiting for Sam to do the same. He moved in as well, until their hands were stuck between their bodies. They lay like that for what felt like a long time before Gabriel slowly moved his head to rest on Sam’s chest. Sam settled his chin on the top of Gabriel’s head. He let go of the hand to wrap it around Gabriel before kissing the top of his head. He didn’t miss how hard Gabriel was shaking, or how desperately he clung to Sam when he finally could. Sam wrapped his other arm around Gabriel as well, forming a protective cocoon around the older man. The shaking lessened, but he could still feel the tenseness, the dread. Gabriel had lost everything.   
It wasn’t just being kicked out of his childhood home, it wasn’t getting abused or letting all his stuff behind him and starting over. Gabriel was the older brother that took care of his younger siblings. It had been the one thing that defied him for most of his life. He was the martyr. Sam knew it wasn’t a role he wanted to take, but it was what most of his life was built around. Now he was here. He was safe but he had nothing left of who he used to be. Of course it was better then putting his life on hold to care for Cas and Anna, but it was unknown. Pain and fear were known, freedom and opportunities weren’t.   
Sam squeezed Gabriel a bit tighter as he tried to understand what the other was going through and Gabriel reacted with a soft whine. Sam kissed the top of his head again and Gabriel placed a kiss on Sam’s chest in response. Sam expected himself to get nervous or regretful, but he couldn’t help feeling comfortable. Not with how they ended up there, not with the wet tears falling on his chest, but with Gabriel being here. He had been so worried about Gabriel, even before Charlie told him what had happened. He had worried and thought about Gabriel every single day and now his love was finally safe.   
“I missed you.” Sam muttered into Gabriel’s hair, finally giving in to the urge to tell him. Gabriel looked up at Sam. “I missed you too.” He admitted before letting his head fall again, nestling it safely against Sam’s chest. Sam stroked his hair, feeling Gabriel’s racing heart settling to a slower place. His silent sobs became deep breaths and Sam stayed awake until Gabriel was asleep on his chest, finally getting some rest. Sam wanted to keep guard of the smaller man. He couldn’t help staying in an alert state until he was sure Gabriel was okay. Then he finally allowed himself to drift off.


	19. Chapter 19

Sam woke up to his alarm the morning after. He had been used to Gabriel being a heavy sleeper, but after the first beep Gabriel’s whole body jerked to attention. Sam’s eyes shot open at the sudden movement, seeing Gabriel’s panicked looking into his. He held Gabriel closer, soothing him with one arm, using the other to turn of the beeping. Gabriel slowly relaxed as he felt Sam’s calming touches. Sam looked at him questioning but Gabriel just closed his eyes and cuddled up to Sam more. Sam sighed softly as he placed a kiss on top of Gabriel’s hair.   
He had already decided not to go to class today and to instead help Gabriel in any way possible. Right now that meant allowing Gabriel to catch up on the sleep he had obviously been lacking lately. Sam couldn’t get back to sleep but instead just kept watch as Gabriel slept.   
After about two hours Gabriel woke up again. He looked confused at first, unsure of his surroundings.   
“Good morning Gabriel.” Sam said in a soft voice getting the smaller guy to look up at him.   
“Sam?” Gabriel asked unsure, than a small smile appeared on his face. “Sam.” He said more sure as his eyes lit up a little. “Shouldn’t you be in class?” He asked with a small teasing voice. It amazed Sam that no matter what happened to Gabriel he could jump back into his casual teasing ways at any moment, even though they were usually just a façade. Sam smiled. “Yeah, maybe that’s not the most important thing right now.” He told him as he slowly started to moved out of the embrace. He could see a small pout on Gabriel’s face and put the arm he just removed back to let Gabriel know he wasn’t going anywhere for now.   
“How is your eye?” He asked the other as he ran his fingers through Gabriel’s hair, reminiscing how much he had always loved that feeling.   
Gabriel let out a soft happy noise at the fingers. “It stings, but the pills are still doing their job well enough.” He smiled, his own fingers softly trailing around the bruised skin. Sam was happy about that. Gabriel’s face still looked terrifying and the idea that it had been his own brother who did that to him was even more chilling.   
“And how are you feeling?” Sam asked, hoping Gabriel didn’t mind talking about that. Gabriel shrugged as well as possible without moving away from Sam. “I’m not sure. I mean… Anna is safe, for now… But she got everything she didn’t want. She lost her whole family.”   
Sam shook his head. “She’s got you and Cas.” He reminded him. “but apart from Anna, how are you doing?” He tried again, putting an extra emphasis on the word you. A small pause filled the air, followed by a sigh. “Free I guess. I don’t know, is it weird if I feel happy?” He asked, biting his lip. “I know I should be in shock and all, but nothing bad has really happened.” The words sounded like a paradox to Sam as he looked at the bruises on Gabriel’s face and remembered what Anna had been through. Gabriel noticed the look in Sam’s eyes and grinned humorlessly. “I know this was shocking to everyone, but I’ve always known it would come to this. Michael has always been this dangerous. That’s exactly what made me want to stay. I’ve always feared that I’d be to late, but I wasn’t. I’m sure Anna will need a lot of time to heal, but to be honest, this was probably the best outcome as long as she refused to move out.”   
Sam just listened, still playing with Gabriel’s hair absentmindedly, unable to grasp how calm and logically Gabriel was being. But he was right. There was no irreversible damage and Gabriel had saved her before something worse happened.   
He hated himself for how difficult he had thought he had it, with his then boyfriend in that house the whole time. It was nothing compared to what Gabriel had to go through. He had to stay vigilant every single second to make sure his sister wasn’t hurt.   
They stayed in relative silence as they both went over the events of the day before in their minds. Sam didn’t want to move away, he didn’t want Gabriel to feel any sort of rejection, he just needed him to be comfortable. Gabriel was the one that finally made the first move to get out of the bed to take a new dosage of pills. He untangled himself slowly, deliberately. Sam smiled softly at the other before following him out of the bed. He had missed him.   
He crept behind his laptop when Gabriel announced he was going to take a shower. He knew there were some therapists practicing near campus. College was more then enough to break a soul or two, but he himself hadn’t needed therapy so he had no idea where to look exactly. After a quick google search he found a few places that had experience with excessive trauma. 

He put together a list of things they needed to do to get Gabriel’s life back on track. First they needed to get him a new phone and some new clothes. Making the list made him realize Gabriel didn’t have anything to wear after the shower, apart from the clothes he wore when he left home. Sam’s favorite hoodie, now covered in Novak blood, whether it was Gabriel’s, Anna’s or Michael’s. He couldn’t let Gabriel wear that again.   
He looked through his closet, finding some clothes that were on the short side for him, they’d still be to big for Gabriel but they’d have to do, Sam figured.   
He knocked on the bathroom door, hoping Gabriel would hear him over the streaming water.   
“It’s open.” Gabriel told Sam a bit confused. Sam doubted for a second before opening the door an inch, just so Gabriel would hear him better. “I brought you some clean clothes for now, they might be a bit big.” He told him, glad to hear the shower stop for a second so he didn’t have to shout.   
“Can you put it next to the sink?” Gabriel answered, making Sam blush. “You want me to come in?” He asked unsure, opening the door a bit more.   
He could practically hear the smirk in Gabriel’s voice. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen yet.” He answered and Sam had to admit he couldn’t argue with that. He walked in with a straight face, clearly trying to look everywhere but at Gabriel.   
“Listen Sam.” Gabriel grinned, making Sam finally look his way. “I know it’s a bit weird after everything, but you don’t have to pretend like there is nothing going on. We both know exactly what we used to be and what fun activities that included.” He reasoned, adding an eyebrow wiggle at the end of the sentence. “And I’m pretty sure that the last thing you’re doing now is gawking at my bruised and broken body.” Sam blushed. Gabriel was right. Even when he did look down he didn’t see the someone to ravish, he saw someone to help.   
“Sorry.” Sam mustered, wondering how to continue. “How… Does it hurt?” He asked, looking at a particularly big bruise on Gabriel’s chest.   
Gabriel nodded. “But like I said, the pills help.” He shrugged. “Thank you for the clothes.” He said with a soft smile. Sam smiled back. “I’ll let you get back to your shower.” Sam offered, giving half a wave, then deciding against it and putting his hand in his pocket instead. Even without looking at him he knew Gabriel was laughing at him. 

When Gabriel walked out of the bathroom he looked like a new person. Sam showed him the list of things they needed to do before heading for a shower himself. While Sam showered Gabriel Skyped Cas and Anna, and subsequently Dean and Charlie all at once. By the time Sam walked back into the living room Cas was already talking about what had happened after Anna came back from the hospital. Gabriel called Sam closer and told Cas to tell it again.   
Apparently the police had raided their old home that night, since Michael seemed like a direct danger for himself and those around him. He was in custody for now and would most likely be trialed for assault and attempted murder.   
Anna still seemed on edge about it, even after what he did to her but, she had to admit that he really scared her now. They talked for a bit about how what Gabriel would be doing now, though Sam realized they all naturally assumed Gabriel would be moving in with Sam now.   
Anna talked for a bit about her hospital visit and told them she was offered professional help to deal with the trauma as well.  
After two hours Gabriel told them he had to hang up because he and Sam still needed to go get him some new things since he had nothing left.   
Sam could see the way the statement effected Dean, even more so than it did Cas and Anna. He remembered how little their dad had left them when he disappeared and wondered if that was what Dean was thinking about. Whatever it was, the expression was gone as fast as it appeared. They said their goodbyes and promised to talk again tomorrow. 

Sam was glad he didn’t see anyone he knew at the small shopping center near campus. His focus was completely on Gabriel who seemed somehow unfaced by the people looking at his black eye and ill-fitting clothes.  
Sam stayed close to him in the crowd. He realized he was hovering over him but he couldn’t help but feel protective of the smaller man. Still Gabriel didn’t complain about the way Sam acted. He didn’t even mention it, though Sam was certain he noticed.   
When they got back Gabriel had new clothes, a new phone and a few books to read during the day. They had also gone for groceries on the way back and Sam had started cooking when they were back home again as Gabriel helped. Both men stayed silent, not knowing what to say after all the time spend together. Gabriel suddenly broke the silence, huffing out a laugh while cutting vegetables.   
“What is it?” Sam asked with a curious grin. Gabriel shrugged as he continued. “I just realized how normal this is.” He answered, getting another curious look. “You know…” He continued. “Doing the groceries, making a meal… It’s like barely anything happened.” He shrugged. “And I just realized how normal I feel about that.”   
Sam smiled, glad that Gabriel seemed stable, more stable that anyone could expect him to be in all honesty. “I’m glad it feels normal.” Sam told him. “Maybe after a few days you’d like to go for dinner with me and some friends? You can built a life here you know.” He told him with a smile. “Eventually look for a job or something and just start over.   
Gabriel smiled at that, eying Sam closely. “I’d like to start over.” He told him, than looked at the floor. “Do you think there is any chance for us to… Start over?”   
The question took Sam by surprise. He hadn’t expected Gabriel to be willing to already think about them, but it seemed like he was. Sam put down the knife he was cutting tomatoes with to look at Gabriel.   
“I… I’d like that.” He admitted, taking himself by surprise. He hadn’t been sure how he felt until the words left his lips. Of course he was still in love with Gabriel but he had doubted whether or not they could pick up where they left off. A lot happened, things changed and Sam wasn’t sure getting together would be in Gabriel’s best interest. He still needed to work through the trauma, and it became clear last time that Sam couldn’t offer what Gabriel needed. He reminded himself that he couldn’t be enough and he couldn’t let go either.   
Gabriel’s face fell again when he saw the way Sam was thinking it over. “Don’t just say yes because you feel bad for me. It’s okay if you don’t feel that way anymore, okay…” He said as he went back to chopping vegetables, trying hard to distract himself.   
Sam stayed silent, staring at Gabriel. He loved this man, loved him with every fiber of his being.   
“Sam.” Gabriel eventually sighed, finally looking back at the stare he had been trying to ignore. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot… I just figured, you know, maybe there was something still there.” His eyes flickered to the torn piece of newspaper on the wall.  
Sam stepped closer after that. “Gabriel, you know I still love you right?” He asked, placing a hand on his cheek to make him look up and see the sincerity behind the words. Gabriel gave a slight nod, of course he knew, he felt it in every touch they shared, every look Sam gave him, every silence between them.   
“I love you so much, Gabe. But I don’t want to hurt you and I’m afraid I will. I want to be with you again, but I need to know that it won’t end up like the last time. I was miserable when it ended, but I’ve realized I made you feel that way for at least a month before we broke up.” He sighed heavily, wishing he could just smash their lips together and that’d be the end of the whole conversation, but they needed to sort everything out first. “If we do this, we need to set some rules. You need to tell me when I get to over-baring or to distant. I know I worry too much and I also know college is taking over my life sometimes, I just, don’t realize until it’s too late.” He admitted. Gabriel nodded softly, still looking up at Sam with hopeful eyes. “Then you have to tell me when I claim you to much.” He told him. Sam smiled. “Deal.”  
Instead of responding, Gabriel just pressed his lips against Sam’s, letting his hand rest on Sam’s hips as Sam’s fingers tangled into his hair. Sam smiled against them before kissing Gabriel back, pulling him closer as he did. The soft lips against his own felt familiar and he couldn’t believe how long he had been parted, not only from Gabriel, but from feeling Gabriel, from holding and kissing him.  
This was love. Gabriel was love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I finished a 50k fanfic! I want to thank all my loyal readers who read and commented each week. You really gave me the motivation to continue and sweet comments get me through hard days!  
> A special thanks to my beta ashighasalways for her amazing contribution and I hope you all enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos absolutely make my day


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